Feel like I can't cope

MaddyW · Mar 28, 2010 4:25PM

Its been a month since I had my miscarriage. Whilst in some ways I know I feel much better about it all - I also feel worse. I have been getting on with my life fine - am back at work, joking and laughing with everyone. no one would know... but I feel empty. I feel hollow.

Things around me are also chaotic - I have a stressful job, my family life is nuts at the moment too - and all the stress is making me ill. For the first time ever, I have ulcers in my mouth that are so painful. I also have a cold, and it hurts to breathe. I don't know what to do with myself.

I am scared to post this. I haven't told anyone how I feel. Everyone thinks I am ok. My hubby has probably guessed, and I know he is having a hard time too. But I just feel so alone. So so alone.

MrsHx · Mar 27, 2010 7:13PM

Huni,
Please don't ever feel alone, that is the last thing you are on here.
I am sorry to hear you are not coping, I am sure you are doing better than you give yourself credit for. I know the empty, hollow feeling only too well, while on the outside everything thinks you're doing fine.
Time really is a healer hun, my mc started over xmas and I am definitely stronger now than a month/two months ago.
Please confide in your hubs/family, for me talking really helped.
Take a little time out, you need to get better to feel stronger.
Sending you huge hugs sweets xxxxx

Lampiekat · Mar 27, 2010 7:27PM

Hey Maddy,

You are definitely not alone.

I had my mc on Wednesday morning and i feel so so so empty. It is hard but as MrsH has said you need to tell your husband and close family and friends as they will be there for you and support you all the way.
I didn't the first time i had a mc which was 14 years ago and because i didn't let my close loved ones how i felt i struggled on my own and even up until i found out i was pg i felt hollow inside.

You've always got us all on here to chat to as we have all been in the same boat and understand fully how you feel.

Take care of yourself hun and big hugs from me xx

angelkissesbump · Mar 28, 2010 6:46AM

MC have a habbit of doing that.....you feel like you are the only one in thew world this has happened too and your angry, hurting and just plain empty. Well you are if your anything like me!
Online forums do help but at the same time we arent physically there for you to hug or rant at or cry too! Which is why you need family and friends however difficult it is, I found that a lot of my family & friends kept there distance after the miscarriage as they didnt know how to act or what to say to me they didnt want to remind or upset me ive since found out but i explained to them i was more upset that i felt abandoned!

And to be honest i wasnt likely to forget what had happened really nor do i want to. (The experience yes i want to forget the babies i lost definately not) There's a website called gonetoosoon.org where you can do a free memorial for loved ones and lots and lots of people have done them for babies lost due to miscarriage dont know if its for you but mkay help to remember the baby in an official way! I think there will always be an empty feeling of where that child should be in your life, body etc....Sounds like you are putting to much pressure on yourself atm with work and fam and things and playing superwoman it doesnt work hun trying to be normal and putting on a front will only make it worse long term becos you will come crashing down to reality again. For a lot of women TTC again straight away becomes a way to move on and for me and my partber that is the case not to replace the twins we lost but just to feel that we are not missing out on plans we had made! Im not saying its what you should defo do but its summit to think about and talk to your hubby he probly isnt coping either sam was run ragged trying to busy himself with the girls and keep out my way as he said to me guys are meant to be the strong ones etc.....not cry and keep it together and he felt a fsilure when he did break down but as i told him they were his babies too and grieving is part of acceptance and acceptance is the first stage of moving on!
Everyone is different and everyones circumstances are diff some ppl can move on quicker than others....but we are always here to chat too and if you ever need a personal one to one my email is active....lots of love and hugs for you hope you feel better soon x.x.x.x

moonandstars-88968 · Mar 28, 2010 7:01AM

Honey you're not alone. No doubt everyone on this forum recognises and empathises with how you are feeling. Loosing a baby is such a hard thing to go through - especially when other people around you expect you to move on quickly. What helped me was admitting that I needed time to grieve and then allowing myself to go through that process. It's not easy and it takes time, but one day you will start to feel hopeful again, I promise xx

ZLS23 · Mar 28, 2010 9:39AM

Hi sweet, you are definitely not alone, there's always someone to talk to on here, really hope you feel better about things soon. Take care. Zxx

spikesma · Mar 28, 2010 4:25PM

Hey Maddy, sorry you're feeling so low. You know, it is -ok' to feel like s***! I think that Angelkisses' sound advice was spot on about pretending that everything is alright for everyone else's benefit, is not good for yourself. I too was like Moonandstars. The moment that I accepted I was grieving, was the moment that I started to get well.

I truly believe that there is a fine balance between our mental and physical health. To me, it sounds like because you're maintaining this -I'm ok' front, your body is saying -actually I'm not'.

Awww Darling, take time out to be upset and get physically well because you don't need to waste energy being super-woman right now. You'll need all that energy to be a super-scrummy-yummy-mummy soon!!! XXX

Feel like I can't cope

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