Anyone seen a councillor about their mc?

newbiemum · Jun 30, 2009 9:53AM

Hi, I was just wondering how many people see a councillor after a mc? I thought I was going to be encouraged to go after my erpc but when I asked about it they jsut told me there was a number in the leafet I was given. They also gave me a leaflet about the Miscarriage Association and my DH and I looked at their website but I haven't contacted them. Has anyone?
Most days I think if I did contact someone what would I say? Most days I wouldn't know how I feel to describe it - if that is what they do/ask?? But on days or moments when I get emotional I could pour my heart out to anyone that would listen. I only talk to my dh and he doesn't know what to say anymore. When I start to try and mention it to friends I can tell they feel uncomfortable so I stop.
Anyway........I think I am getting over everything and then I have a bad 'moment' - I nearly ran out of a mums and tots group today crying my eyes out! Somone next to me announced to their friend that they were pregnant and they then started saying that they had been dreaming about miscarrigaes in a jokie sort of way. I sat there half listening with tears in my eyes. (they don't know I have had a mc) and my friends weren't there so I nealry grabbed my ds and ran out crying but I know that is silly.
I am SAHM so I am always arould pregnant people at groups I go to. Almost all my friends are pregnant. 2 have announced they are pregnant in the last fortnight. I was pregnant at the same time as two others. I am meant to be pregnant with them and it is starting to drive me crazy. I don't know if I am normal, depressed or just sad??
Am I normal or should I be getting help? (Its 2 months since my mmc btw)

lydiavn · Jun 30, 2009 7:27AM

Oh un, sending you a huge hug!
I am so sorry about your loss, I have had 2 MMC since Oct 08 and can identify with a lot of what you are saying. It is understandable that hearing about other pregnancies will bring back your pain. I frequently had to remove myself from situations because of what people were discussing. I think if that is what you need to do to protect yourself then do it.
I went to councelling after my 2nd MMC in Feb. It helped to have a session once a week to talk about how I was really feeling and work out how to start to pick myself back up and move forward again. I joined the MCA after my first MMC in Oct. I attended monthly meetings for 7 months and spoke to the leader of the group fairly regularly. I actually looked into becoming a volunteer for them and have the paper work to enrol. The volunteers are taught how to talk to you so even if you don't feel too chatty they will know what to say. Or you can just ring them when you want to chat.
I think people who haven't been through a MC don't fully understand the huge array of emotions you feel and think that you will 'get back to normal' after a few weeks. People often feel uncomfortable becasue they don't know what to say or do.
In answer to your question 'am i normal' yes absolutely you are normal. But that doesn't mean you have to suffer in silence. If you feel it would help you to move forward, seek help and talk about it. I found that to be the biggest help. Otherwise my htought went round and round my head driving me crazy.
Email me if you need to chat or rant hun.
Love and hugs,
Lilou x

roisine · Jun 30, 2009 9:43AM

counselling is a great thing especially if hubbie goes too. i had a nurse who had three mcs of her own and knew the pain.she was amazing when she got my husband to talk.its surprising what comes out.It definetly made some sense of it all but one thing she said.no matter what anyone else thinks youll always feel someone is missing from the table.also she asked me what gender i thought the baby was and i said male and she said instinct is very strong in pregnant women. he was wonderful to us and didnt laugh at what we thought were silly questions.id reccomend a counsellor who really knows the story.hope you ok xxxxx

newbiemum · Jun 30, 2009 9:45AM

thanks Lilou,
I am having a better day today $:\$ ) Although just been out with a pregnant friend that was moaning about morning sickness $:\$ ( I think she forgets that I had 10 weeks of morning sickness with nothing to show for it at all, atleast her pregnacy seems ok. What I would give for really bad morning sickness (I always get it bad!)! Sorry - todays rant over

I have e-mailed the MA but they don't have a support group in my area. They have given me details of the nearest one but it is quite far to travel.
I think I am ok, I just need to remember that it was only 2 months ago and I need to give myself time to get over it. I can't remove myself from the situations that upset me cos that means I wouldn't see any of my friends and my ds wouldn't get to go anywhere to play with his friends! I just gotta learn to cope with it.:roll:
Thanks again for your help.

AngelaJames · Jun 30, 2009 9:47AM

Oh poor you, sending you lots of hugs. As Lilou said, everything you are saying is completely normal and there is no set time at which you should "get over it". I'm not sure that it is something I can ever get over, but hopefully it will gradually get easier and the times when I start crying for no reason will gradually get less common.

I haven't been to councilling myself but I seriously thought about it. Talking to people can be so helpful, just having someone to listen can make a huge difference and make you realise you are not alone in what you are going through. I don't think you have to know what to say, they will understand and help talk you through things if that is what you want. If you think talking would help then it might be a good idea to talk to one of the groups you have been given the number for. I didn't realise that there are meetings, but maybe that would help you as well?

Other pregnant people can make things so hard I know and mums and tots groups can be stressful at the best of times! I was in town the other day and it felt as if virtually every women I walked passed was pregnant. When I mentioned it to my hubby he was surprised that it upset me "so long after it happened" as he put it. I'm not sure our OHs understand, no matter how hard they try. My son is 14 months now and I keep getting questions from friend etc who don't know about when we will be trying again and it is so difficult to laugh it off and say not yet.

Hope that helped a bit. Email me if you need to, xxx

newbiemum · Jun 30, 2009 9:53AM

Thanks Roisine - its great to hear from ppl that have gone and talked to someone/ppl. I want my hubby to talk about it but he is a quiet person when it comes to his feelings and he is very sensitive. He has told me he is worried about upsetting me. I have explained at that I am feeling the same as him and I want him to talk. I know he wouldn't talk to a stranger (especially if I was with him). We spoke to a family friend who is a senior midwife and had had a mc previously, on the day we found out about our mmc cos I needed support and it helped me but hubby listened - he found it hard to talk about. He worries too much about me and not enough about himself.
One thing that I have done is to type out what has happened to us and how I feel etc. Hubby has a copy of it and he reads it quite regularly although it upsets us both to read it has helped us. I thought I would share that with you all incase anyone thought that idea might help them?

Anyone seen a councillor about their mc?

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