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Please help - MMC at 9+1

Hi girls

I hope you can help and I'm posting in the right place. We've been ttc for two and a half years and were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. We've had 2 cycles of IUI and two cycles of IVF and we were over the moon to get a BFP on our second IVF last month. We had two early scans and all was well, with a heartbeat at the second one, but at our third scan last night, at 9+1, we were told the baby had stopped growing and I'd had a missed miscarriage. We're absolutely devastated and I just don't know what to do with myself today. DH had to go into work but is coming home again in about an hour and my parents are on the way, so I know that will help, but I just feel so, so devastated at the moment.

Please tell me things will get better. I've been told that things may well happen naturally because I've stopped taking the progesterone supplements but there's a part of me that still thinks it's a mistake. I did a CBD this morning and it still said PG 3+ and there's a part of me that wants to think the baby is still alive, even though I saw on the screen last night that it was far to little for my dates. I'm so scared about the physical reality of it all too and don't want it all to drag on over Christmas, even though I don't want it to end either.

I'm sorry girls, I'm not sure what I'm asking for here - I just feel so lost.

xxx

Replies

  • Hi hunny

    I'm so sorry to hear your news. I had an ERPC on tuesday as baby had no heartbeat and i'm devastated. I was given the option of waiting for my body to realise the pregnancy wasn't ongoing, but as I was 9 weeks and still no sign of natural MC I opted for ERPC as I also did not want to drag it out over xmas. I didn't want it to end, but when I knew baby had no heartbeat, I knew it was the right thing to do.

    I'm still in shock at the mo and finding things quite difficult, but the ladies on here have been so wonderful these last few days, I don't know how I would have coped without their help and support.

    I've been told it does get easier, and if you read my post So Many Questions, there are a lot of ways for you to help remember baby, I've named mine Riley as I hate calling them 'it', and giving him/her an identity is helping me a lot, though it doesn't for everyone.

    Please don't give up hope or feel like you are alone sweety, we are all here for you through the good times and bad.

    Sammi
    xxxxx

    PS The pregnancy test will still say positive as your body is still producing the pregnancy hormone hun.

    [Modified by: Sammi and Harrison on December 17, 2009 09:50 AM]

  • Hi Daisy girl

    I remember you from ltttc im so sorry this is happening to you sweetie after all you have been through.

    It will get easier I promise but within time. You both need to greive for your lo. I think having your parents will be a good support for you, we had mine through all of ours & they wer fantastic.

    Have they offered you any advise about management for the mc i.e wether you ait to pass naturally or erpc or medical management?

    Some women feel that an erpc helps them to try & move on a bit as you can start the greiving process.

    You will still get +ve tests for a while hun as the hcg is still in your system, this is another reson why some women opt for erpc as they are still having pg symptoms & that can be hard to deal with.

    Everyone here is a massive support hun & talking about how you feel really does help as we all know how you are feeling to some degree.

    Lots of love and hugs and you know were we are if you need us xxxx
  • HI Daisy

    It must be so hard for you at the moment, I'm so sorry you lost your baby.

    I would echo what Sammi and Laujai have said - the girls on here are so so supportive, I don't know what I would have done without them.

    I had a mmc at the end of September (discovered at 12 weeks scan) and then had an erpc the same day. I think, given what others have said about having a natural mc or a medically managed mc, that the erpc is the least upsetting path to take, well, it was for me anyway as it got the whole thing over and done with in one horrific day. Perhaps this is something you could consider - if it were me I would hate the waiting and the not knowing when it was going to happen.

    As the others have said, your CBD says 3+ because your body is still producing hCG. It will do for some time I'm afraid.

    You WILL feel better one day, please hold on to that thought. It has been a long bumpy journey for me but I am really so much more positive and happy. You will experience a whole heap of different emotions, lots of them very negative, but this is totally normal, and they will pass with time.

    Take care of your self.

    xxSara
  • Daisy Girl,
    So sorry to hear of your loss.
    I really feel for you.
    It is such a sad and difficult time and you have been through so much.
    it really helps to talk on this site. The ladies are wonderful and as the others have said they are such a support.
    I had a mmc at 12wks almost 4wks ago now.
    I still have a +ive test so it takes a while for hcg to het back down to normal.
    Hope you can be strong & get through this.
    Things will get better in time
    Love & ((((Hugs))))
    Nettie x
  • I'm so sorry to see you on here.

    It is a totally devestating time for you. I had an ectopic in September and I found just dealing with one day at a time to start with helped.

    I also went through a range of pretty extreme emotions but found I just had to go with it as if I tried to "cheer up" when I felt awful it actually made me worse.

    It is 3 months on for me and although I am so sad that I lost my baby I am so much better than I was. I found that I needed time to digest what had gone on to help me deal with it.

    This forum has been amazing and you'll find everythone is very supportive x x
  • Daisy Girl-I'm so so sorry that you're going through this sweetheart. I have also replied on LTTTC. We have spoken before on LTTTC-I used to be JCB'08.

    You may remember that I had IVF in April/May but our 7 wk scan showed no heartbeat, and a baby that was small for dates. There was a very weak heartbeat a week later, but the following week, there had been no growth and the heartbeat was no longer there. We were given 3 options-surgery (ERPC), medical management and waiting for the m/c to happen naturally.
    We opted for the natural approach but it took until 11+1 for me to actually m/c. It was a very traumatic time but I'm glad I did it that way.
    I can totally understand how you're feeling, and I hope your family are there for you and your DH. Nobody can take the pain away, and it will be a difficult time for you both.

    I imagine that the hospital will scan you again next week and discuss the next step with you. I think they are obliged to repeat a scan, although it will be very difficult for you both.

    If you want any more information, just let me know. I am thinking about you both at this sad time, and wishing I could take your pain and hurt away.

    With love xxx
  • Hi really sorry that you are having to go through this. I had lost my bean in July at 10 weeks was told that my baby had stopped growing around 8 weeks. I was in complete shock and opted for the tablets (managed). I have just had my 2nd mc and was going to ask for erpc as didn't want to have to be in hospital at xmas but at my scan they said everything had passed - I was only 8 weeks this time. It does get easier and I am taking comfort in the fact that it will get easier this time as well.
    Big hugs xx
  • Hi hun

    So sorry for your loss. I hadf a mmc found at 12 1/2 wk scan and the baby had stopped growing at abut 9 1/2wks. I had an ERPC 3 days later. You will go through a rollercoaster of emotions and may find the next few weeks difficult, and you will be up and down. Having good support around you does make a difference and i hope that your partner has been as supportive as mine has. The only good thing to come out of having this happen to me is realising how much my OH means to me, it has made us even stronger than before. Just wanted you to know that i am thinking about you and if you ever need to natter the girls on here have been amazing.

    Jodie xx
  • hey hunni, i'm so sorry to hear this after everything u've been through. i've only had one bfp that ended in mmc at 12 weeks, i too had seen a hb at 6 and 7 weeks and never suspected anything! i hated by body for hanging on to it and not warning me! i'm 4 1/2 months on and just started AF so on to cycle 4 of ttc again, its def a roller coaster for a while and emotions will change so quickly and be all over the place. mine still are but it does get easier to deal with and the days dont drag on as much and u do get days where u feel happy again and enjoy life - i promise it will happen though it may take a while! I opted for the med management of my mmc, i have mixed feelings about whether it was the right choice but we've all got experiences in our head which ever option you choose. ((((((hugs))))))) xx
  • Thank you so much for your replies - I can't tell you how much it means. I'm so sorry that so many of us have gone through the same thing, it seems so unfair. Been going through all sorts of emotions. My Mum and Dad came over yesterday and DH came home from work after an hour or so and has booked off until Tuesday, all of which has / is helping. Spent yesterday morning sobbing and feeling really low and then much better with people about, talking things through. DH and I made ourselves a lovely meal last night and he's just been amazing. Woke up at 5am feeling very bleak and he just lay with me for 3 hours talking about everything and holding me.

    We've been told to wait until Sunday for things to happen naturally and if they haven't we'll probably have an ERPC on Monday. It looks as if m lovely IVF consultant would do the procedure, which would make it slightly less awful. Is it normal to still hope that it's all a mistake andthings are still ok? I know it'snuts, Isaw the scan, but there's still a part of me that thinks it's all a mistake.

    Feeling so many emotions at the moment, but I think the worst thing is that at 37 it's taken us two and half years and 2 cycles of IVF to get here and the thought of what we'll have to go through to be lucky enough to actually be able to go full term seems like a huge mountain to climb. I just wish we could do it naturally and not have to go through the trauma and expense of the treatment.

    Laujai and luckystar - thank you for your messages. It helps to see familiar faces, even though I so wish none of us had to be here. How are you both doing now?

    xxx
  • it's definitely normal, at my 12 week scan when they told me i just cried and didn't think to ask any questions or to be shown, even though i couldn't see anything on screen. it was after the tablets had been taken i doubted myself which was worse cus it would've been too late! but when i passed my bean it was only the size of a small grape so far too small, so in a way i had a bit of reassurance! xx
  • Oh Daisy Girl

    I so feel for you I can almost feel your heartache in your reply sweetheart wish I could just reach in & give you a huge cuddle.

    It is completley normal to feel as though they have made a mistake hun, our last mmc on our 2nd scan at 8+5 my dates were measuring right but there was no hb they arranged my erpc there & then as I didnt want to go nautral from a previous exp I had but when I got home I just didnt feel like it was right I wasnt upset & just felt that they had made a mistake so I cancelled the erpc & asked to be re-scanned the following week which they were more than happy to do for me sadly in our case I was measuring smaller which indicated that the pg was absorbing. They didnt think I was silly for wanting a re-scan & was very nice & completley understood my concerns & that I wanted to be certain.

    Have they offered you a re-scan for nxt week, if you want to have another one before you have the procedure if it hasnt happened naturally you are well within your rights to have one huni.

    When I 1st mmc I didnt know about be & so received help from the miscarriage association the information they provide is good & helped me understand all of my feelings & emotions, also we are here for you hun & can relate to everything your feeling & are always here if you have any questions or need to offload. Your family & DH sound wonderful & im so pleased that you have such a great network of support around you to help you during this.

    Lots of love & hugs xxxx
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