When will I feel better? :cry:

Replies

• gemgems13

  Dec 1, 2009 3:31PM

  It will get easier with time hun. the times where you feel like you're falling apart and can't stop crying just gradually get further apart. I had a complete meltdown last week, where I was sobbing uncontrollably and telling DH that i just wanted my baby back. that was 2 1/2 months after MC, when I'd felt 'better' for a few weeks.
  
  Although it's hard to get through these first few weeks, don't be ashamed of how much grief you're going through. it's a mark of how wanted and loved our little beans were that we miss them so much.
  
  If people aren't being sympathetic about MC, then just don't talk to them about it. there's always people here who do understand, and if other people aren't being supportive just don't let the subject happen. even if it means telling a fib and saying you think you can move on better if everyone stops mentioning it
  
  Gxx

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• moonandstars-88968

  Dec 1, 2009 4:12PM

  I agree with Gemgems. Did you see my post last week? I was a total wreck, even though a few days earlier I had felt so much better, and so positive. I feel such a wally now, but at the time I really needed to vent.
  
  You go through ups and downs, but eventually you have more good days than bad days. Don't worry - you will get through this. It might be a very rocky and frustrating road, but soon you will start to see light at the end of the tunnel, I promise.
  
  As for your brother and sister - sod them! People can be tactless and insensitive. Just don't give them the chance to talk to you about it. If they bring the subject up, tell them that their comments are hurtful and that you don't want to discuss it with them. That'll shut them up!!
  
  xxSara

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• moonandstars-88968

  Dec 1, 2009 4:13PM

  Oh, and also, you didn't do anything wrong - it wasn't your fault, it wasn't anyone's fault.

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• laujai

  Dec 1, 2009 4:14PM

  Im sorry hun, Like Gem says it does get easier give yourself time to greive for you lo it's only been a wk. Eventually the good days will outway the bad ones. Greiving a mc baby I think is 1 of the hardest greifs ever to encounter & whilst some people think you cant miss what you didnt meet or have we know that from the min we find out were pg we start making plans & love our longed for bubs you have to greive not just loosing your lo but also the anticipation of that lo arriving into the world.
  
  I hope im not upsetting you more hun im just trying to explain how I have put things into perspective greif is different for everyone.
  
  I also agree I would just not talk to people with insensitive comments it just makes you feel worse.
  
  Sending you lots of love & virtual hugs & were all here when you need us xxxx

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• DangermouseandPenfold

  Dec 1, 2009 4:37PM

  I'm sorry that some people around you aren't being supportive, I think that people who haven't had any problems just don't understand how someone can be so upset at an early MC. However I'm sure if they thought back to the early days of their (or their partners) pregnancy they would remember that as soon as you get that BFP it's only natural to get excited and start planning and imagining your baby.
  
  Unfortunately no one can give a timeframe of when you'll feel "normal" but as the girls have said it does get easier. sometimes buying a token to remember bean by can be really helpful, after my 2nd MC in September I bought a Willow Tree figurine called Remember and I've found it hugely comforting.
  
  (((HUGS))) to you xx

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• MrsRainbowUK

  Dec 1, 2009 4:51PM

  Thank you all so much for replying.
  
  I just never thought I would ever have to go through this, and I never realsied it would be so hard. I just feel scared of everything.
  
  xxx

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• laujai

  Dec 1, 2009 5:19PM

  I dont think any of us ever anticipated how hard it all could be, I never realised how common mc was!!
  It's natural to feel so many different emotions at this time.
  
  Have some nice cuddles with your dh, take care sweetie xx

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• EmmaA

  Dec 1, 2009 5:22PM

  I just want to send you a big hug too and I know exactly what you are going through. I also lost my little bean at 6 weeks last week and people who haven't been through it themselves just don't understand the pain it causes. I am having lots of ups and downs at the moment and it feels like my pregnancy was just a dream - I only found out I was pregnant a week before my mc. I hope you get a sticky BFP very soon.

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• jodie13

  Dec 1, 2009 7:05PM

  Hi Hun
  
  Sending you a huge hug. I know what you are going though, especially with people around you being pg. My Neighbour over the road is due when i would have been and her daughter is 2 wks older than my son, it is so hard to have a constant reminder everytime i look out of the window so i know it is hard (these girls have heard my rant about her before). I found the 1st 3 weeks really hard, then i seemed ok and then when i went back to work i seemed to be back at square 1 again. We are all different in how we deal/cope with things and things do get easier, you never forget but the pain gets better. i still have days where i burst into tears, christmas songs set me off on monday, thinking about what would have been by this christmas.
  
  I hope that you start to feel better soon, and here is a good place to get your feeling out.
  
  Take Care
  
  Jodie xx

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• gussie

  Dec 1, 2009 10:28PM

  rainbow, im so sorry hun! i agree with the others hun if they cant be supportive then screw them!! i have people that i thought were some of my closest friends they seemed to only care about the fact that our unit was "short" at work rather then the reason i was not there...i totally understand! it will get better it just takes time, i dont think that the grieving ever really goes away just gets easier to handle, today i got a text from a friend i havent talked to in awhile that said "i hear you are haven another baby yeaaa!!" i completly lost it. we had our d&c on oct.22 and i still have my "bad" days. *hugs*

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• rocky_kiz

  Dec 2, 2009 8:24AM

  it does get easier - honestly! i too still get those emotions even 4 months on! but not as bad and they don't deem to fluctuate as much! the timing was right for us this time as well -c oudln't of been more perfect - but now i don't care what timing is good as long as i get a sticky healthy bfp! Don't be too hard on yourself hun. xx

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• breighlin

  Dec 2, 2009 9:04AM

  I have a lot of good days and all of the sudden I got a very bad day. Last night I cried myself to sleep, but previously I had almost an entire week were I felt positive and good. you will get more better days than bad days, but I think we will still be effected by that for a long period of time in some way or another.
  
  

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• Makka_Pakka2

  Dec 2, 2009 6:53PM

  I'm so sorry Rainbow. I like you didn't expect to mc as my hubby and I are healthy, plus my Mum had 4 children with no mcs. Here I am 2 mmcs later....
  
  The way you are feeling is entirely normal and 100% part of the difficult grief process. No matter how hard it gets, you have to go through this difficult time to come out the other side.
  
  I've been having counselling which has helped rationalise my feelings. The recovery is very up and down after grief, and most people sadly feels worse before they start feeling better when suffering from grief, but I promise the brighter days will come.
  
  I had my ERPC on 22 Sept. In the first month or so afterwards, I felt really angry which is again part of grieving. This will also fade.
  
  Do take care. I think people greatly underestimate the impact of mc until it happens to them.
  
  

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