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Miscarried two days ago, need a bit of hope...?

wonderwoman40wonderwoman40
in Miscarriage & pregnancy loss
Hi ladies, new on here and was devastated as Miscarried this week when only 6 weeks, Im 41 and just married and managed to get pregnant first try, so just wondering if anyone trying straight after, as Im still crying and dont know if too soon or wether to just get on trying as soon as we can as time isnt on my side.
many thanks

xx

Replies

  • RS240508RS240508
    Hi hun,

    Sorry for your loss....nobody should have to go through a MC. Its really your choice as to when you start trying again. Some doctors recommend waiting for your first AF for dating purposes, but there is lots of research that says there is nothing to stop you trying straight away. In fact there are many ladies on here thst ahve tried straight away and fallen pregnant straight away and gone on to have successful pregnancies.

    I think the most important thing is that you try as soon as you feel ready emotionally. Some people want to try straight away as that is part of them dealing with the MC and moving on, whereas others want to take some time before trying again so that they can grieve properly and let their bodies recover.

    I had a MMC on 16 July (had ERPC) and we've started trying straight away as soon as the bleeding stopped.

    Take care hun, remember that things will get easier each day and you'll never forget your baby but it will get easier to think of the future.

    x x
  • wonderwoman40wonderwoman40
    Thank you for your reply, I know you are right Hubby is very supportive of trying again straight away but just the fear of going thru this again is so scary.
    I wish you so much luck in ttc xxxx
  • tashelbytashelby
    Hi there, firstly, im so sorry for your loss. Im 40, just married and like you fell pg straight away in May. Sadly MC in July at 9 weeks. I too was terrified of trying again, but am aware that I dont have a lot of time left. I already have 2 older sons. We were going to wait till after one cycle but tbh when the bleeding stopped we just decided to let nature take its course. I still havent had a period yet after MC on 5th July. I was also on the pill for 10 years before getting pg. I worry that I have left it too late, but we are going for it anyway. You will do what you both feel is right for you. Im sorry to chat to you under such awful circumstances, but you are not alone. This forum is a godsend. Take care of yourself, Tracy xx
  • wonderwoman40wonderwoman40
    Thank you Tracy I feel better just reading some of the experiences that you and the other ladies have gone through and knowing Im not alone in this. Im so sorry for your loss and I wish you so so much luck for a beautiful baby, I have been talking to hubby and I know its only been a few days but I think we are going to try asap bleeding stops and is OK and we can just hope and pray we are blessed again.
    Big hug
    Kerry xx
  • SajaneBSajaneB
    Hi hun, how are u holding up? I'm so sorry that this has happened to you, it us unfair. I miscarried in may when I was 12 weeks but baby died inside me at 9 weeks. We made the decision to try again straight away as it was our way of coping and grieving. I am now almost 10 weeks pregnant with our little beanie and it was the best decision we made. I never waited for first af as my doctor and midwife said there was no need. I have been lucky and had two scans both showing a healthy growing baby that was at 8+3 and will be 10 weeks tomorrow. I must admit it is scary and worrying but so worth it. Take your time hun and we all here if you need us. X
  • wonderwoman40wonderwoman40
    Thank you so much, I cried today in supermarket because I saw a lovely young boy...silly I know..So sorry for your loss, however Big Huge congrats on your lovely news now..image We are going to try asap definately, we have now 100 % decided, so can just hope now that we will be so lucky 2nd time around. Stories like yours give me great hope and consolation that it is all a bigger picture and this one just wasnt our time or meant to be.
    Thank you for helping ladies.
    xxx
  • Baby_on_BoardBaby_on_Board
    You're not alone for sure Kerry, I have been on here a while (unfortunately for me) but I have seen many ladies mc and go on to get their bfp and have healthy pregnancies. I tend to hang out in ttc now as all the sad stories get me down and remind me of times I'd rather not relive, saying that I like to come on once ina while and see how everyone is doing. The ttc forum is so happy and full of great fun stories.

    I had my mmc in jan at 11w, since then I have twice got my bfp but mc both times early. We waited for first af then tried and I fell in that first month after my D&C, so it can happen quickly. I am 37 and this will be my first, like you I fear I have left it too long but dh and I will keep trying - what else can we do? You will feel very sad for a long time and I remember doing the same thing in boots, seeing all the baby things and crying. It does get easier as time passes but you never forget. Had I not mc my baby would have been due this past week.

    What gave me great comfort was the research I did as to why it happened. I have a science background and so was so eager to find the -truth' (if you like) about why, as the doc just said, -well sometime this happens we don't know why', and I thought to myself somewhere out there there has been a lot of research on this and I stumbled across several in-depth research papers that had been done on mmc. Basically what It said was that over 90% of cases there is a chromosomal abnormality that was incompatible with life and that in about 4-5% of cases there was a developmental/ physical abnormality that was incompatible with life and that the remaining few % they just didn't know - just knowing that my bean had something wrong that I couldn't correct or control and that would have caused it great suffering eased my pain a lot. I hope that helps you a little too. As you say it just wasn't meant to be at that time.

    We'll have our perfect little babies - and as I say to the ladies on here that are ttc for a long time perfection doesn't happen overnight we just have to be patient as our super special little babes will be sooooooo worth the wait. xxx

    Good luck.
  • wonderwoman40wonderwoman40
    Oh thank you reading that made me cry... headache city!! I know you are so right and I would want my beautiful baby to be as happy and healthy as could be so its just not their time I guess. Looking forward now to trying again and we have a holiday in a few weeks so can get away together and relax. I am so impatient thou and want it now image.
    It is really kind of you and other ladies to help and be supportive, it means a lot when most of my friends and family are great but just dont understand and I feel that they think I should stop crying now as its been 5 days image. xxx
  • SajaneBSajaneB
    Hi hun, take as long as you need and cry as much as you want to. Me ament husband still cry now when we think about our lost baby and its 3 months. Can't believe how quickly time has flown. I want to wish you all the best of luck trying. I found the first time after really emotional as I finally felt like I had meaning again. I found that I had lost myself after the miscarriage. So take lots of time and try and take a relaxed approach. I know it's hard. Good luck Hun. WhAt baby on board said is very true I did lots of research too and the baby probably had a chromosome too many or too little meaning it just couldn't progress any further. If it had then it would have not been a great existence. It's went to heaven because it was just too good for this earth. Lots of baby dust for you. X h2ta
  • Beckyboo2012Beckyboo2012
    Hello, so sorry to hear of your loss. We miscarried almost exactly a year ago at 10 weeks. We had a very very early miscarriage/chemical pregnancy in November at 4 weeks or so.

    I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and we're expecting a little girl in November... so there is hope for you.

    I remember when I first miscarried it all seemed so uncertain and I was heartbroken. It's been a tough year but we've made it through. I remember seeing posts from women who were pregnant again and just being desperate to be where they were, and the wait seemed endless. I found it a really patronising thing at the time but I began to find comfort in people telling me that I at least knew that I could get pregnant. You know that yours and hubby's are both working and will work together.

    I think there is a slightly greater risk of miscarriage as you get older but there's nothing to say that it will happen to you again. I've read some research which suggests that women have a window of super fertility at around 40; where the body basically tries to release all the eggs it can. I think this was true for my mum who fell pregnant quite by accident with my sister at aged 41!

    The pain of losing your hild won't go away; we remembered our babies 'first birthday' last week and there were lots of tears; but it does get easier with time. I really hope everything works out for you

    Becky x
  • wonderwoman40wonderwoman40
    Thank you all so much and we are hoping for this month/next month image just any hope really. I have booked reflexology for tomorrow so I am going for any help we can get to help us on our healthy baby way. I really appreciate all of your help and consideration xxxx
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