When will I be able to think about other things?

moonandstars-88968 · Oct 15, 2009 5:11PM

Sorry girls, my new found pma is waning. I just wish I could think about something other than getting pregnant. We are waiting until December to start trying again, because hubby doesn't want a July or August baby (you know, the whole being the youngest in the school year thing).Rationally I actually agree with him, but it breaks my heart not being pregnant - I miss it so much. I can't think about anything other than the fact that I should be pregnant and I'm not, and then obsessing about getting pregnant again asap. I keep telling myself that December is really only round the corner - after all Chrimbo sneaks up on me every year, but each day drags by so much. And to make things worse, hubby is now actually quite surprised when I talk about getting pregnant again - it's like he's totally forgotten about the whole thing. He looks at me like he can't believe that it's still praying on my mind. Why is it so easy for men to compartmentalise their feelings? And not only that, but hubby thinks falling pregnant is dead easy (which we all know it isn't) so is convinced that we will fall first time round, but he also doesn't want a November/December/January baby - too close to Christmas for them to be able to enjoy their birthday!!!! So our window of opportunity is so slim to be able to have a September or October baby, before we would have to abstain again for at least three months!

Sorry, it's all getting a bit on top of me today - I feel like the only thing that will make the hurt go away is having a baby. Any words of wisdom????

xxSara

MrsMafiaPrincess · Oct 12, 2009 2:34PM

Oh poor you! You are not being silly still thinking about it. How could you go through something like this and not think about it?!

I would sit your hubby down with info from net (men like hard facts I find) and tell hime there is a 20% chance of falling pregnant each month even if you bd at the exact right time so he needs to get a grip on the whole birthday issue! These things can't be planned so precisely and surely the focus is having a baby and not when it's born.

Do you think he's trying to regain control of the situation as he had no control over m/c? Big hugs x x x

joanne1818 · Oct 12, 2009 2:53PM

Unfortunately time will only tell, there is no rules as to how quickly we all move on. Its just day by day. Take each day etc and only start trying when you both have your heads in the right place.

Having said that, i think you should just try whenever. You both want a baby so surely even if it arrived on Xmas day, you would cherish it. I wouldn't limit your opportunities to specific months of the year... just try... your hubby's response is quite a male way of dealing and thinking of things - think my hubby thought the whole ttc was going to be a piece of cake.

Wish you loads of luck
xxx

DangermouseandPenfold · Oct 12, 2009 3:17PM

Oh hun it would be easy for someone to sit and say you'll feel fine in x weeks but it just wouldn't be true. What I found is that some days I'm fine and don't really think about the MC's at all whilst others it's all I can think about - just when I think I'm doing well I'll get a crappy teary day but you just have to get through as best you can.

My sister has previously commented on when I can and can't have a baby to fit in with other family birthdays etc (we have a big glut of birthdays in Dec and Feb) and to be honest i don't particulalry want a Jan /Dec baby but as we know its not as easy as alot of people seem to think. Like MP says try sitting down with hubby and some stats and discuss them but also talk about how you're feeling - like me you probably just want to be a mum asap!!

Big ((((hugs)))) I hope you get your PMA back soonxx

laujai · Oct 12, 2009 4:48PM

Oh hun

Im sorry you feel so down but like the girls say there will be up & down days & no rules as to as & when you should feel better, this kind of greif is one of the hardest I think.

I also think you should sit down & have a chat with your dh about statistics etc & that the ultimate goal is having a baby, it doesnt really matter when he/she arrives & when they do those months wont even matter cause you'll have your treasured lo.xx

Hope you feel better soon

Love & Hugs xxxx

gemgems13 · Oct 12, 2009 5:24PM

out of my group of friends the highest earner out of the lot was born end of august! I think parenting has more to do with how well kids do than birthday. Try and convince him of that. Or sabotage the condoms so they all have a hole in. tho perhaps you're not as devious as I am ;\)

moonandstars-88968 · Oct 13, 2009 5:57AM

hi girls

Thanks for your kind words. Hubby got home just after I posted my post so I was still a bit glum - he asked what was wrong and we had a bit of a heart to heart. Although he is adamant that he doesn't want a July/August baby he has said that he doesn't mind too much about a November/December baby. So that was good. Talking to him was good because he started to see that while he had been able to move on fairly easily I was struggling, and he has begun to understand that just because my body isn't pregnant any more doesn't mean that my emotions or hormones are telling me the same thing.

I think I feel like this because I'm such an impatient person anyway, and I just want to be pregnant NOW!

But my pma has returned a bit this morning - my cbfm arrived, so I have spent a happy half hour slogging through the instructions.

Gemgems - I had the same thought about sabotage as you! I thought I was the only sneaky one - good to see I have a sneaky buddy!

xx

[Modified by: moonandstars on October 13, 2009 11:04 AM]

MrsMafiaPrincess · Oct 13, 2009 6:08AM

Don't tell him when you get a peak (i'm a cbfm buddy) and spike the rubber! A baby's a baby, who cares when born! x x

moonandstars-88968 · Oct 13, 2009 6:48AM

Snarf! Mafia that is sooooooo naughty! Makes me giggle.

Not that I would...........................just curious.....................how do you actually sabotage the condom???? Just interested for research purposes you understand......

MrsMafiaPrincess · Oct 13, 2009 7:14AM

Get a pin and prick it (excuse the pun!) at the tip!

Or just tell him you're not ov so safe to bd without or just ponce so he won't care! Sure he would really just be delighted with a healthy bubba! x x

DangermouseandPenfold · Oct 13, 2009 3:28PM

I'm glad you and hubby had a good talk it's times like these you need each other most.

Loving the sabotage ideas!! Luckily my hubby is eager to be a daddy asap so I don't have to worry about these things - or maybe it's just he likes the excuse to BD lots!!

moonandstars-88968 · Oct 13, 2009 3:33PM

I am also rather amused by the sabotage ideas. Not really going to do it, but it would be funny to see hubby's face if we conceived while he is using condoms cos he doesn't believe that people can get pregnant 'accidentally', so it would be funny to see him eat his words!

gemgems13 · Oct 13, 2009 4:47PM

oh well even if you're not going to do it, I'm glad we've made you laugh with our devious thoughts. You sounded down at the start of the thread. Glad we're amusing you ;\)

LottieNH · Oct 13, 2009 5:03PM

Moonandstars I am late to this post but I'm sorry you have been struggling recently, I also found that my oh dealt with our mmc very well and packaged it away quite neatly while I think just felt like an emotional wreck. All I could think about was being pregnant again so I think you are doing really well.

On the subject of when to have them, I am not worried about having a baby who would be the youngest in the class but I respect that some people are and understand why. Our daughter's birthday is January the 4th and I always said I would hate to have a christmas baby but it doesn't matter at all. The only thing we will do (she is two this year) when she is a little older is give her a summer tea party as well to break up the year.

Anyway, sorry for going on a bit - I hope you don;t have long to wait for your BFP.
xxx

moonandstars-88968 · Oct 14, 2009 11:55AM

Hi Lottie

Thanks for your post - it is comforting to know that other people have felt the same way as me, and I'm not going mad.

I do agree with hubby about the whole July/August baby thing. I teach in the infants and you can see the difference in development between the older and younger children. It does even out in the end though. Hubby's main objection was that an August baby has their birthday in the holidays and hubby thinks that would suck. I tend to agree - because in the infants birthdays are MASSIVE and everyone gets excited about going to the party, then they tell you all about it afterwards (sometimes they even invite you to the party!).

Hubby says he's not bothered about having a December baby, but I am a bit as my brother was born on the 15th December and his birthday is always overshadowed by Christmas. I'd never thought about having a summer tea party though - that is a genius idea! Then you would be like royalty, with two birthday's! So again, thanks for your post as that bit of info has given me more pma. Hooray for pma.

EmmaAndAoifeBelle · Oct 15, 2009 8:22AM

I know exactly how you feel.
i have had 2 mmc now. first in june then second in september.
i am constantly thinking about getting pregnant and when will i be ov'ing.
really annoyed atm as i have no idea where i am in a cycle and when i will ov!
i also like the sneaky plan of poking a hole in the condoms haha.
although we never seem to use one anyways.

Im quite down atm as i should have been 33 weeks yday!
each week i count down to when i should have been due

or i would have been 14 weeks today.
My hubby knows how desperate i am to fall preg again so he just kind of goes with my feelings now, so suppose thats a good thing.

We are too thinking of trying again in december or perhaps november as i am really impatient haha.

When us ladies want something we try our very hardest to accomplish our goals and we will always reach what we aim for!

good luck everyone and lots of baby dust to you all

emma x

MrsMafiaPrincess · Oct 15, 2009 11:05AM

I have an application on my i phone where you put in your due date and it remind you how many weeks you are, what baby is doing, how you should feel, even a photo of what baby looks like at that stage.

I had put my due date in and just can't bring myself to remove it. It's like torture but I just can't do it. Would be 9 weeks on Monday and keep thinking i'd only have been waiting another 3 weeks to get the ok.

x x x

moonandstars-88968 · Oct 15, 2009 11:28AM

oh bless you both - I know where you are coming from! When I was pregnant Mother and Baby had an offer on - if you subscribed for a year the cost of each mag was something silly like ??1. I very nearly subscribed but I am so glad I didn't - having that pop through my letterbox each month would have been awful. And I'm going to have to get a new diary - seeing my antenatal appointments written down in black and white makes me very low.

On the plus side, this week, although I do keep thinking about being pregnant, it is alot less sad - I'm tending now to get excited about trying again, rather than upset because I'm not pregnant any more. I even had a kind of epiphany today in the middle of Morrisons of all places - I wanted to buy a baby magazine and started to feel the familiar tears and anxiety welling up but then I suddenly thought "I can't change what has happened, and the more anxious I get about being pregnant again the harder the pregnancy will be". So I bought the magazine!

It has felt like a little bit more closure for me.

Sending lots of hugs to you both xxxxxxx

DangermouseandPenfold · Oct 15, 2009 5:11PM

HI sweetie glad to hear you're feeling more positive lets hope the PMA lasts and gets you your well deserved BFP xx

When will I be able to think about other things?

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