Forum home Pregnancy Miscarriage & pregnancy loss

Can't believe I'm typing this

I've lost our bean, again. I bled very heavily last night and passed a very big clot,. i was at my parents at the time and my mum looked after me and tidied me up and sorted everything out (she's a retired nurse and I thank god she was there). She gently told me that from what she could see, it looked like I had passed the sac. I have a scan on Friday, but in my heart of hearts I know it has gone.

I am totally heartbroken, I dunno how many more times I can go through this. I know I want to try again, but being back in this horrible place is just soul destroying. I just wanted to thank everyone for all their lovely words of support through these few short weeks, especially Magic Bean, MrsKittyboo and Woomummy. I have come so used to logging on and checking everyone is ok, that I can't imagine I will stop, but I might just lurk for a bit until I feel strong enough.

Take care and lots of love to everyone. xxx


  • Hi
    We have never spoke but just read your post so wanted to leave you a message, i know no one can say anything to make you feel better and im assuming this is not your first m/c. Maybe you could push the doctors to run some tests and see if there is something causing you to m/c. I had an early miscarriage a couple years ago now and we had been trying for a while for a baby, i know how devastating it can be, but for me it did get easier with time and when that little baby would have been due i actually found out i was carrying again and now have my son. So keep your chin up, i know its easier said than done but it will happen for you, maybe you could even request early scans aswell in future to help you relax.
    Im so sorry for your lose and im glad you have a wonderfull family to help you through this hard time.
    charlie x
  • I was really sorry to hear about your loss. I can't imagine going through a mc more than once - I was utterly devastated last year so goodness knows how you must be feeling.

    My thoughts are with you.

  • Hi Charlie, thanks so much for your post, that's what i love about BE, there's so much support from people, even those you've never spoken to before.

    Yes you're right this is my fourth mc. After the third, which was only Sept last year, we were sent for tests. We have had the results back from all but one and everything has been clear. We are just waiting to hear about the chromosome tests and should find out in Feb. They have already warned us though that even if they do find a problem and that my and hubby and I have incompatible genes, there is no cure, but it just lets us know that our chances of having a successful pregnancy are lower.

    We had early scans this time which have been very reassuring and it's only last Thursday that we saw a heartbeat, so it does seem very cruel that things have gone wrong again. I know I am getting excellent care, I just wish someone would find a magic solution for keeping my beans safe.

  • Thanks Shimmsie, I'm sorry you have been through this too; did I read somewhere that you might be pg again. I hope I have and hope you're well. xx

    Helen, god flower, I am totally stunned by the horrendous time you have had, I cannot imagine the pain of the losses you have suffered, my heart goes out to you. I'm so so sorry that you find yourself back in this position again and am here if you ever need to talk, am sending huge hugs and lots of love to get you through this awful time xxxxxxx
  • i just want to say you women are amazing, your so strong to have gone through all this and still not be afraid to try again. I have just found out im pregnant again and im so scared as had early scan yesterday after some pains and can only see a sac, although they reassured me its probably just to early as im only 5+5 today. I almost cried reading your stories, cant imagine how hard it must be for you all to go through this over and over again. It makes me sick some of the parents you see around the town shouting and swearing at children they so obviously dont deserve and then you lovely women that should not have had to go through any of this pain suffering to have a full term pregnancy. I have my fingers tightly crossed for all of you that you will get BFP very soon and have an amazing and healthy pregnancy that you all deserve so much.
    charlie x
  • Hey Karen, your post has made me cry, don't worry, I'm doing lots at the mo! You're so lovely, I always remember you saying I was on your "shopping list" when you went to church and I was so touched. keep me on there, flower, I'm determined to get all the way through to the "baby" forum one of these days! xxx
  • I know nothing I can say can make you feel better, but I just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you and your OH.
    I had an early mc a few weeks ago but can't compare with how you must be feeling.
    Try and stay strong.

    x x
  • i'm so sorry to hear ur very sad news!!! i hate logging on here to see such devastating posts!!! my heart goes out to you sweetheart and i hope that you find out the answers to finally make it onto the baby forum!!! thinking of you, sending ((((HUGS)))) your way xxxxxxxx
  • Hunni,

    I am so sad for you I knew you in the August forum before I lost my little bean.

    I do hope you get really positive results back in February and go on to have a healthy little bean.

    I am thinking of you and sending you all the love I can xxxxx
  • Oh Slippers - i replied on your other thread. but i just want to say i am so sorry hunny - i cant believe life is so cruel. You truly are a lovely lady and do not deserve this. all my strong hunny. xx
  • I'm so sorry you lost your baby Slippers - was so happy for you when you got your BFP. Wishing you well - I know from experience it takes time. Hopefully when you are ready you'll be able to go full term. Wishing you well.

    Helen sorry you've had to go through this too. Hope you can gain some sort of strength.

    I'll be thinking of you both.


    Shell x
  • Hey Kitty, thanks so much sweetie, you have been such a comfort over the last few weeks even when you have been going through a scarey time yourself. I don't want my experience to worry or scare you, you have been through the mill enough, so make sure you stay strong too and keep positive, I know you will be fine and all will be well and I will keep in touch to hear how miniKittybean is getting along xxx
  • Hey Kitty, thanks so much sweetie, you have been such a comfort over the last few weeks even when you have been going through a scarey time yourself. I don't want my experience to worry or scare you, you have been through the mill enough, so make sure you stay strong too and keep positive, I know you will be fine and all will be well and I will keep in touch to hear how miniKittybean is getting along xxx
  • Oh slippers I am so sorry. I was on the MC forum at the same time as you in Sept. When I saw your title I immediately thought 'OH NO'! hoping it wasn't bad news but sadly it is. I am so so so sorry. I have tears in my eyes as I know how I would feel if I had a 2nd MC so I can't even comprehend how you must be feeling. My heart goes out to you and your OH. My thoughts are with you, much love and god bless,
    Lilou x
  • I'm so so sorry slippers. With my mc last June we saw hb at 7+2 and then exactly a week later it was gone so I know how totally devastating it is to go through that. Once you see a hb it makes it even more real and you start to really think things might be ok.

    Huge hugs hun. I know nothing I say can really make you feel better at the moment. It's so awful that people have to go through these things.

    You WILL hold your baby one day. When I feel really down I always think - will I feel this bad in 1 year, 2 years etc and the answer is always no as time heals, situations change which makes me feel better.

    Someone said to me after my mc that one day you will hold your baby in your arms and you will think that if you hadn't had mc'd other beans, this baby wouldn't be there. So although it sucks, at some point it will make sense. They said it more eloquently than this but I hope it make sense. My nan had a stillborn son and always said things happen for a reason and if she hadn't lost that baby my Mum would never have been born, me and my sis wouldn't be here etc.

    Things don't make sense at the moment - but be strong and it will be worth it.

  • hi ya i dont normaly come here any more but im so sorry 4 your loss i had 3 mc last year and it was devestateing i thought i cud never have another child i was exacly the same as u just keep trying and il send u lots of baby dust your time will come hun mine did xx
  • Oh sweetheart, I'm truly sorry that you are having to go through this all over again, I can imagine how heartbroken you must be right now. (I was also with you on the mc support forum back in September). I know things just won't seem fair right now, but please try and stay strong, and you will get through this I promise.

    Will be thinking of you on friday,
    Take care of yourself,
    Caroline xxx
  • hi im new to the site, i have just read your blog and wanted to say for you and your partner to keep your chins up, and as my nanna always said everything happens for a reason even if it is nature taking a devastating turn. i have had 4 miscarriages myself so i know that feeling of being useless and a failure as a woman but you have to rise above it and live on faith and hope because thats what got me and my partner through, dont get me wrong we had our ups and very low downs but kept on trying and now have a 3 yr old and i am pregnant again (10 wks). we are still in the worrying stage with this one. my prayers, hopes and thoughts are with you both. keep trying dont let it beat you it will happen one day. much love and care Lisa x
Sign In or Register to comment.

Featured Discussions