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First Anniversary...

It has amzingly been a year since I had to give birth to my precious bean who at 20 weeks didn't make it into this world... I have been secretly dreading this day and wishing it away, but this morning arrived after a night of no sleep at all... I was rerunning the whole episode in my head, over and over again. So bleary eyed and with a heavy heart my husband and I decided to go to church and say a little prayer for Charlie our little girl who we will never get to know... I also said many prayers for our new bean who is hopefully growing healthily in my tummy... I am not a religous person, but it was certainly helpful to go to a place where I could have a little cry... and feel slightly closer to her.

We then went for a stunning walk with our little puppy Bertie, and thought of how we had grown closer as a couple in the past year... and talked about how the last year has changed us. It's amazing how something so dreadful can have several silver linings... Since last January 4th - we have moved house, I have been fortunate enough to have been able to give up work and am doing a couple of courses that I have always desired to do... and I have also joined two charities which mean alot to me and can now dedicate time to them, we have got a puppy and I have grown to love my family and friends even more... as I have been able to spend more special time with them...

I am thankful that through the pain of loosing Charlie I have become a more realistic person and am also thankful that I have been given another chance to have a baby... this is my thrid pregnancy since Charlie and hopefully this one will be a keeper..!

Thank you for allowing me to write this down, I sometimes think it helps to write what we are feeling so that we can turn a page and start a new chapter which I do hope 2009 will be for all of us on this forum...

With love to my gorgous little Charlie, who I only was able to hold in my arms just once. You will always be my precous baby girl.
A xx

Replies

  • What a moving post, flower. I can't begin to imagine how hard it must have been to lose Charlie at 20 weeks. I hope you find some peace now and much joy in your lovely new life and your amazing new mini Magic Bean. I have a good feeling this one will be a keeper for you. Sending love and hugs xx
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