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My Baby Didn't Make It
Had my appointment this morning and confirmed what my heart was already telling me - I'd lost the baby. I'm devastated. I feel utterly numb. It just seems so fucking unfair at this moment in time. I just wish I could disappear to a desert island, away from everything and everyone pregnancy related until I've had a baby of my own. For as long as I can remember all I've ever wanted was to be a mother. I didn't meet my OH until I was 29 and we started trying after two years together. This is the fourth baby we've lost, three within the space of less than a year. I know it could be seen as some consilation that atleast we've been able to fall pregnant within a few months of miscarrying because I know there are some of you who had been trying for a long time and I know the pain that that can bring becuase it took us two years to fall pregnant the second time so that is a positive I know. It's just so frustrating that something is happening which is preventing me from keeping these babies. The professionals are saying everything is okay and you should go on to have children but something has got to be wrong. Maybe I'm not producing enough hormones because I've never felt really sickly with any of the pregnancies. I got a letter a couple of weeks back saying that although the tests can back okay they've found I've got a blood clotting disorder! The Consultant and my GP say that won't have any influence on the pregnancies but when I've looked it up on the internet they say it is connected with miscarriage! I've asked to see the Consultant again today because I feel there must be things I could do early in the pregnancy. I read a post yesterday about taking pregesterone. Maybe something like that would help. This blood clotting disorder - Factor V Leiber - the internet says something about taking aspirin or if I eat plenty of garlic, ginger and drink black grape juice they have blood thinning qualities. I had been drinking the juice and eating garlic but maybe I need to be doing something else as well. I'm rabbitting on I know.
Hopefully I'll chat to you all again very soon, I'm going to give it a few weeks and then start again. We;d been told in the past to wait until I'd had at least one period but fat lot of good that has done so this time we're not even going to wait. I will get my fifth BFP in the next couple of months and this time this one is a keeper.
I sincerely wish you all the best with your pregnancies. I hope I'm Iucky enough to get the opportunity of upgrading to "Pregnancy after Miscarriage" again in the very near future.
Thank you all for your kind comments, take care, x
Hopefully I'll chat to you all again very soon, I'm going to give it a few weeks and then start again. We;d been told in the past to wait until I'd had at least one period but fat lot of good that has done so this time we're not even going to wait. I will get my fifth BFP in the next couple of months and this time this one is a keeper.
I sincerely wish you all the best with your pregnancies. I hope I'm Iucky enough to get the opportunity of upgrading to "Pregnancy after Miscarriage" again in the very near future.
Thank you all for your kind comments, take care, x
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Replies
I am so sorry sweetheart, I really am.
I have been thinking about you these last few days and was really hoping for some good news.
I would definitely go and see your consultant again and ask about the aspirin and the progesterone - especially as they have now diagnosed this clotting disorder. As far as I am aware too this can definitely affect a pregnancy. It may just be a case of taking aspirin whilst pregnant or some different blood thinning drugs. I am just so angry on your behalf that they didn't spot this sooner or didn't suggest aspirin as a precautionary measure anyway. Even though all my recurrent mc tests came back clear I have been on aspirin since ovulation and will continue to be on it until 36 weeks.
I just really hope that they are helpful and that one of these things is what you need to help you stay pregnant.
It just isn't fair what you have been through and you are in my thoughts. And I know that you are grateful that you have fallen pregnant quickly most of the time, but I also understand that it doesn't make the losses any easier to deal with. I remember feeling like it makes no difference if I can't STAY pregnant.
I think you are right to follow your heart and do what feels best for you and your OH. You are the important ones in this and if trying again soon is right for you then go for it. The MC association say there is NO evidence that getting pregnant again without an AF carries any higher risk anyway (my consultant also told me this).
I will keep my fingers crossed for you that you get your next BFP very soon and that this time will be your time for a sticky one.
Lots of love and hugs, NN xxx
i hope your consultant can help you shed some light on this
xxxxxx
I agree with e NN that you must go back to your dr. One of the tests for recurrent mc is for Thrombophilia, if your blood is prone to clotting it can cause mc, hence why low dose aspirin as a blood thinning agent is prescribed.
I truly hope you get some answers soon and are back on here within no time. In the mantime, sending a huge hug and lots of love xxxxx
Love,
Edie xxx
I'm so desperately sorry to hear your news. I too am miscarrying at the moment - my third. Three pregnancies in a year, just like you. Words can't really describe how it feels can they? I feel exactly the same, that it's just so utterly unfair, and i feel like I'm being punished for something, although I'm not quite sure what! I'm not sure why I'm posting, I just wanted you to know you weren't alone in what you're going through. I hope to God we're both back in a few months with lovely healthy beans and I wish you all the luck in the world.
Much love
My thoughts are with you. Take care of yourself.
Chocky
I am so sorry to hear your sad news. I know there are no words to take away the pain, but I wish there was. My heart goes out to you hun, sending you a hug.
I was started on aspirin after my last MMC. I did read somewhere that if they find a clotting disorder they are meant to repeat the bloods again to check it isn't just an anomoly. As for progesterone, there seems to be real debate on this one. I know some ladies have tried it and there pregnancies have progressed. So it is worth a try as it won't do any harm and may help. I would recommend aspirin as again it won't cause a problem but can make all the difference.
I hope your medical team are supportive and give you all the care you deserve and need at this sad time.
Love and hugs, Lilou x