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This has to stop...but how?????
Ok. So, Lucas is 12 weeks 5 days, and is sleeping through from about 9pm till 8am so really happy with that. We do a dream feed at about 11pm but he's taking less and less so thinking of dropping it soon.
BUT...he us yet to stay asleep in a room by himself...after his bath we have to bring him back downstairs and then he has his last feed at 8ish and then he goes down in his Moses basket until we go upstairs, and he has to go down asleep, deeply, or he wakes up and cries straight away most of the time. During the night he stirs every now and then, particularly once it's lighter, but then settles himself back off no problem. Issue being we still don't have our evenings back and end up sitting in the lounge in darkness, and he ain't gonna fit in his basket much longer!
Even worse is napping in the day...he still sleeps on me during the day, I just can't get him down at all! My Mum looked after him overnight Friday, and he had a couple of sleeps in his bouncer and one in his crib upstairs, but max an hour and this is not enough for him, he seems to do best on a 2-3 hour nap am and a 2 hour nap pm, but this only happens when he's cuddled!
So I think the problem is he can't self settle, totally my fault, but I jet don't know how to teach him! I've tried acing hands on his chest, shushing, stroking his head and it all ends up escalating to full on screaming quite quickly and then he gets so sweaty and stressed and starts gagging so I have to pick him up to calm him down, he falls almost instantly asleep then but wakes up if I put him down and the whole thing starts again!
I just don't know how to break ths cycle I've created!
Any ideas ladies? I'm still not able to do half the stuff I need to get done during the day so desperately need to get him napping alone.
I should probably mention I swaddle at night...
[Modified by: renri1002 on 20 July 2010 12:39:15 ]
BUT...he us yet to stay asleep in a room by himself...after his bath we have to bring him back downstairs and then he has his last feed at 8ish and then he goes down in his Moses basket until we go upstairs, and he has to go down asleep, deeply, or he wakes up and cries straight away most of the time. During the night he stirs every now and then, particularly once it's lighter, but then settles himself back off no problem. Issue being we still don't have our evenings back and end up sitting in the lounge in darkness, and he ain't gonna fit in his basket much longer!
Even worse is napping in the day...he still sleeps on me during the day, I just can't get him down at all! My Mum looked after him overnight Friday, and he had a couple of sleeps in his bouncer and one in his crib upstairs, but max an hour and this is not enough for him, he seems to do best on a 2-3 hour nap am and a 2 hour nap pm, but this only happens when he's cuddled!
So I think the problem is he can't self settle, totally my fault, but I jet don't know how to teach him! I've tried acing hands on his chest, shushing, stroking his head and it all ends up escalating to full on screaming quite quickly and then he gets so sweaty and stressed and starts gagging so I have to pick him up to calm him down, he falls almost instantly asleep then but wakes up if I put him down and the whole thing starts again!
I just don't know how to break ths cycle I've created!
Any ideas ladies? I'm still not able to do half the stuff I need to get done during the day so desperately need to get him napping alone.
I should probably mention I swaddle at night...
[Modified by: renri1002 on 20 July 2010 12:39:15 ]
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Replies
Iwill tell you what i did but it doesnt mean it is the right thing to do, it just worked for us.
My main problem was because I am BF i never knew how much he had to eat so landed up assuming hunger when he cried then he would feed himself to sleep and wake up as soon as i moved him. I decided it had to stop.
I read somewhere that the fatty milk takes 15-20 minutes to come through and that is what fills them up so the first thing i did was make sure he fed for at least 20 mins. I then knew he wasnt hungry.
I started feeding when he woke up then playing with him, change, tummy time etc then once he had been awake for about an hour and a half i would look for sleepy signs (yawning, rubbing eyes, grizzley).
When i saw these signs i would take him upstairs and put him in his cot in darkened room. On the way upstairs i say "time to go to sleep" and that is all i say untill he drops off.
I wont lie it was bloody hard to get him to self settle. He really would scream but i was determined to break the cycle. I would gently stroke his head/tummy and just repeat "time to go to sleep" if after 10 mins he was still screaming i would pick him up and calm him and then put him striaght back down when he stopped crying. 9 times out of 10 he would start crying again but i just repeated the process until he fell asleep. I knew he was about to fall asleep when he started staring into space.
I never left him to cry without me in the room.
Our days basically run like that and at night we do bath, feed, story, bed.
He is now asleep by 8 at night and wakes at 6-7am. With dream feed at 10pm. Most of the time he will be asleep within ten minutes and he doesnt usually cry at all.
Sorry i have blabbed on for an age.
Hope things get better for you soon.
xx
How old was Fin when you started this?
Hxx
I would say it took him about a week to get the hang of it properly.
Good luck
Hope it sorts itself out soon for u.
Jayne xx
I now put him down to sleep upstairs at night with it and go back and get it off him 5 mins later when he is asleep so he doesn't cover his face with it.
Like you we used to put him to sleep downstairs first then took him up when he was fast asleep. We don't need to do that anymore.
I think they're getting to that age where they know which buttons to press as when Oliver starts whinging in his cot if ones of us goes up to him, he just smiles!
Hope you get it sorted soon.
H x
Xxx
lara sleeps all night no problem but she will not put herself to sleep, ever. She will scream and scream until she chokes.
I spoke to the HV about a routine to try to settle her and she told me that at 4 months, lara is too young to start a routine and that leaving very young babies to settle themselves whilst crying makes them more likely to suffer from seperation issues as they get older, so i havent bothered trying anything.
Would love to know if something works fore you though, its just too hot to keep rocking her asleep
claire xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I do worry about leaving him to cry but will def give what Wif did a go as I'll still be there with him and can pick him up before he gets totally hysterical!
It's quite comforting to know it's not just me. I have a friend with a 7 month old who is now resorting to CC and I desperately want to avoid getting to that stage.
Just need to get the blackout blinds up now!
I decided to do something about it last night so i ut him into his cot drowsy and surprise surprise h started crying. Each time he cried i picked him up until he calme down the n popped him back in his cot. Eventually he fell asleep on his ow without getting upset.
I'm going to keep at this for a week and see if it works!
Fingers crossed for you, keep me updated on how it goes for you! Goood luck xxx
Think I'm just too weak for this. Don't know how to extend the time...
He clearly needs a lot of sleep still, sometimes I think too much. He feeds every 4 hours ish, and is only really awake for half an hour after feeding and changing. Does this sound a bit wrong for a 13 week old? If we go out he will last a bit longer and maybe last 2-3 hours and then have 40 minute naps in his carseat or pram, but will then sleep through feed times once we're home.
So worried that I won't get this sorted by the time I go back to work...
Hxxx
How long til you return to work hon?
Xxx
I am just so tired of feeling guilty about one thing or the other. I know that every time I hold him for his naps or cuddle him to sleep I'm reinforcing it, but I just can't see him make himself sick like that.
Oh what a surprise, I've turned into an emotional wreck again!!!
Hxxx
Am doing some googling tonight to see if I can find some tips, if I find anything I'll let you know.