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Seriously losing it now

I am at my wits end and just don't know how much more I can take of this.

Lucas is only happy with me. He can be merrily sat on my knee and the second someone else takes him he screams. He took an hour to settle for 5 minutes with his Dad the other day and we saw that as a miracle. I feel like I am permanently attached...he sleeps on me day and night as if I even attempt to put him down he screams until he s soaking through or is sick. He does the same if I even try to have 10 minutes to myself. He will only play happily with me right next to him and even then only briefly. I just have to carry him round all the time...on the loo, sorting the washing, making and eating any food.

I just can't cope anymore. I cannot see any way to fix this. I snap at OH constantly as he does nothing with Lucas, but only because he can't. I sometimes just want to leave. I'm starting to resent them both.

I am sat here listening to Lucas just screaming as DH tries to settle him and I'm in tears and just want it all to go away. I am so jealous of people with babies who sleep by themselves and spend time with OHs and grandparents.

Will someone please tell me how to make this better? I don't know what I'll do if this doesn't stop soon.

Replies

  • Oh sweetheart, I don't even have anything constructive to suggest but just wanted to offer a hug. It's so hard isn't it? Ethan isn't too bad but he has phases of only wanting me and i find that hard enough, never mind 24/7/52!

    It *will* get better. Hang in there chook.
  • Oh hunny. I this must be so tough. I know its really hard but have you tried getting out of the house without lucas/letting your oh or grandparents take him out for a little while? I know you'd still stress about how upset he is but at least if you can't hear him crying, and you know he's safe, you can get a little break. And you never know, he may be better with your oh if you're just not there - I swear they can sense you even if you're in a different part of the house! Grace was like this up until about 8 weeks and then oh and I agreed to do some tough loving - as long as she'd had a feed, there was no reason for her to need me and not him, it was just what she wanted but for me to have a break we decided she couldn't aways have what she wanted.

    He had a few tough times but it wasn't as bad as we expected and now she is happy spending time with her daddy or grandparents and I even had a mate babysit for a couple of hours last week with no problems.

    Really hope this gets better for you soon hon.

    Xxx
  • Oh sweetheart. Matilda has the odd weekend night where OH wil try to do the bedtime routine and she screams the house down. Thing is,. if I am in the house I feel like I need to go in and sort it which in turn feeds the situation so I think Feebs' idea of going for a walk is a good one xxxx
  • Poor you - it will get better
    I would go out of the house and leave him behind with his Dad. Did this with DD and yes they both struggled initially and I was a nervous wreck whilst I was out but it helped Dad find his own way to settle her and things have been much improved since.
    Good luck
    xx
  • Sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. I don't really have any words of wisdom to offer, but I hope things get better for you soon. xx
  • [quote) Thing is,. if I am in the house I feel like I need to go in and sort it which in turn feeds the situation

    It's awful though isn't it - you just feel physically sick to hear them crying and your not the one comforting them. I find it so hard to leave my oh to it when I'm in the house.
  • Thank you ladies. Last night was genuinely my lowest point and I really thought I was going to explode! Today was a better day, although I have been diagnosed with PND (which explains a lot I guess) and they want to put me on ADs which I can't BF on which I'm not happy about at all. We also finally got a diagnosis of silent reflux for Lucas and a prescription for ranitidine and we are hoping a lot of him being unsettled is down to the pain he must be in.

    Next week I am going to start trying to settle Lucas by himself as the nursery is finally finished, and I will make sure I leave the house for longer and longer when DH has him, I think you ladies are right. I know I'm in for a rough few weeks but know in the long run it will improve my life and in turn Lucas'.

    Wish I was making the meet up tomorrow, but am heading to my parents for a few days. Hopefully I'll get a little time to myself while I'm there to recharge.
  • There are anti-d's compatible with breastfeeding. Don't listen to them if they say otherwise. I will consult my BF oracle Suzanne and get back to you, she will know what is safe to take.

    *hugs*
  • Thanks Beth...I've been trying to research it but am rubbish and it's not easy on the iPhone with Lucas on me! I've told the doctor I'm not taking them if it means stopping BF, but he didn't give me an alternative. Then again he's already proven himself useless previously!
  • http://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/pdfs/Antidepressants_and_Breastfeeding_March_2009.pdf

    There you go, sweets. Seems that if they want you on an SSRI, Sertraline is the one to go for.
  • Have a relaxing time at your parents hun - I'm thinking of you and hoping you get a chance to 'recharge' xxxx
  • God, just wanted to say how difficult this must be for you, and although you feel like you aren't coping - you are! You're getting through it day by day and i think you're wonderful for doing that. My only advice would be to get professional help - which you seem to have done - and remember that however bad this seems, it won't last forever. He will at some point grow out of it. The only thing I would say is are you sure about your PND diagnosis? The professionals like to label everything and give you an 'answer' but it seems perfectly reasonable to me that anyone in your situation would be 'depressed' and certainly at the end of their teather, it might not necessarily be a clinical condition.
    Anyway, everything is crossed for you and hope things start to improve soon. xx
  • Hopefully once Lucas starts feeling better you'll feel much better too and maybe won't need to go on the ADs. I'm glad you're feeling a little better than you did and hope younget some R&R at your parents. Xxx
  • Hey there,

    So sorry you're having such a rubbish time of it hun. Sounds like your dr is being a bit crap - can you go back & speak to him about the ones Maenad suggested? Anti-d's can really really help people. Also, it's great that Lucas has been diagnosed (obviously horrible that he has it in the first place though) - hopefully once the reflux meds kick-in he might be a little easier to settle & happier with your OH etc. Good idea about going out for a while whilst your OH settles Lucas - could you maybe meet up with a friend close-by or go for a walk or something? A change of environment can really help sometimes.

    Take care & perhaps requesting the BF-friendly meds from the dr wouldn't be a bad idea?

    xxx
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