Feeling so low ...
Hi ladies, sorry if this turns into a meltdown but I'm feeling so low and stressed out.
My situation at the mo just feels unmanageable ... my OH finished Uni in May and has been jobless since (I say jobless - he is working 4 hours a week at a shop, bringing in about £100 a month), we're four months behind on rent and having to move into my dad's because we can't afford to live on our own any more, I am working part-time as well as running my own business and looking after my three year old, and the pregnancy on top of all of this is just making me feel like it's all too much.
Normally I'm pretty good at juggling stuff, but I'm feeling no motivation with my business (I'm a cake decorator) I normally do my cakes in the evening when DD is in bed but I am so ridiculously tired in the evenings that I am struggling to stay awake. And on the days when I'm working at the shop and then having to do cakes in the evening I'm just stressing out completely and not feeling like putting my all into my cakes.
Another stressful thing is that my daughter's behaviour has become so erratic, she's got such an attitude and I'm feeling so stressed and tired and moody all the time that I feel like I'm always snapping at her, and I think her behaviour is a reflection of that. I just feel really guilty because I end up feeling like I hate her and it makes me so upset. Obviously I love my daughter more than anything but at the moment she is just grating on me all the time.
I'm not really looking for any sympathy or anything, just need to get things off my chest as hardly any of my friends know I'm pregnant, and my mum (my usual confidant) doesn't know yet, as OH doesn't want to tell her til he gets a job.
Thanks for listening ladies, it's nice to be able to chat and not be judged or anything.
xx
Replies
Sorry you're feeling a bit overwhelmed. The hormones definitely do not help.
Sounds like you've got a lot on your plate on there love.
So dealing with things in turn -
don't feel guilty about being too tired in the evening to work hard. I'm exactly the same and am trying to take the attitude that this bone crushing tiredness will be over soon. If memory serves I was fine last time after about 8 weeks.
Also if you're having to move back in with your dad obviously that's not ideal but it sounds like it might take the pressure off a bit in terms of you having to push your own business really hard to pay the bills.
Also can your dad or OH help out a bit more with DD giving you some time in the day to work on your business? (and let's face it giving you a bit of peace and quiet).
In terms of having a difficult toddler I can sympathise with you completely. My DD (2.5) really pushes my buttons sometimes. it's got to the point recently where I was getting cross with myself for snapping at her so I've started reading this http://www.amazon.co.uk/Incredible-Years-Carolyn-Webster-Stratton/dp/1892222043 and it's definitely making a difference. I actually wanted to do a course in it as my friend did one when her DD was little and said it was great. However the council in our area gave cut the budgets so the aren't any round here any more.
Anyway, that's my big long stream of consciousness finished. My overall suggestion is try not to feel guilty. You're juggling a lot of things so be kind to yourself xxx
can understand how your feeling, sometimes when one thing goes wrong it all does, and seems like theres no light at the end of the tunnel, i was given the usual cliched advice, have some 'me' time (i try to go swimming or have a long bath with door locked), and deal with it one bit at a time or "managable chunks", suprisingly i felt that actually worked for me, hope you find a way that works for you. also make sure u are applying for all the tax credits, housing and council tax benefits your entitled too x
It's pants when everything happens all at once! Can you get your name on council housing lists and visit citizens advice for your rent arrears?
I think you need to tell your mum your news as you sound like you need support and if this normally comes from your mum then not telling her will just add to your stress.
Young children can be so testing! But you not feeling great won't help either your teather will be short and she will thrive off this....can hubby help with childcare atm so you can rest and the conflicts don't happen?
I really hope you feel more positive soon.
Things will be ok, I really believe everything happens for a reason.
Thank you so much guys for your kind words. I've spoken to my dad about it (decided that telling him was best if we're going to live with him ... would be so hard to keep it secret from someone you're living with) and not having my mum involved at the mo is REALLY getting to me.
My dad and the few friends I've spoken to about it have all told me it always works out in the end, which I know because we were in a pretty crummy situation when I found out I was pg first time round (I never learn lol!!). Anywho, I'm trying to stay positive - being positive and happy and jolly is how I am normally - and have tried to get things done bit by bit. I've posted a notice on my facebook cakey page that I'm not going to be taking on any more work temporarily, just having too much on my plate and needing to focus on family and baby first (obviously didn't mention about the baby).So hopefully that'll give me time and space to sort everything out.
On the plus side, OH has had some pretty positive leads on jobs, so fingers mega crossed that something comes up, and we're going to apply for housing list when we're living at my dads, as apparently if we say that he's told us we can only live there for X amount of time then we'll be a higher priority. But definitely going to speak to citizens advice re rent arrears.
Thank you again ladies, I felt so much lighter when I wrote all that down, and to hear encouragement and empathy is just so refreshing when I'm feeling crap. Lotsa love for all your help xxx
Good luck.