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What are you doing with lo when...

you go back to work?

I go back to work the beginning of June, i can only afford to drop one day so Lily is going to nursery 2 days a week and MIL 2 days a week and i will have her 1 day.

I never leave her with anyone - MIL the odd occasion if i go to hair dressers etc but apart from that - never!
We have left her a few times while we go for a meal etc but we put her to bed before we go so she is none the wiser!
I am dreading leaving her, the thought of it makes me want to cry, my stomach churns at the thought. I am going to miss her developing so muhc, i will miss feeding her, changing her, cuddling her image

Any one else feeling this way?



  • Ah newlook - its awful isn't it.
    You certainly wont be alone in these feelings.
    I so dont want to return to work - like you I start back on 1st June (at least there is a bank holiday that week). I'm lucky in that I'm only gong back 2.5 days per week - financially this feels like a massive strain but we'll just have to cope. i plan on staying part time for a year then returning full time before ttc another!! (Will get full time mat pay then!)

    Harrison is quite an independent child already - since the day he was born he has never liked cuddles. Even when he was learning to roll and sit up and banged his head a few times, he'd cry for a second I'd pick him up to give him a cuddle and he'd shrug it off and get on with it. That broke my heart for a good few months!! Anyway - the upshot of that is he's fantastic with other people and i have left him qyuite a few times with my Mum and MIL.
    They know him inside out and I'm confident in their care of him now. When I return to work MIL will have him 1 day, my Mum 1/2 a day and nursery 1 day. Its the nursery bit I'm dreading - I know he'll LOVE it, he's so socialable. But in terms of his allergies I just hope they'll follow what i tell them!

    I'm so hoping I dont come home one day and he's walked and i miss it - I'd be gutted. But not much we can do is there if we have to work!?

    Maybe think about a trial day with MIL for a day? And you'll start settling in period at nursery before hand I presume and hopefully that will make you feel a bit better.

    Big Hugs.

    Lisa xxx
  • I feel exactly the same. Albie is going to nursery 3 days a week from July (we don't have any family nearby image ). The only way I can think of it is that it'll be so good for him to see older children and they can play with him all day (more than I can with all the housework...).

    I am dreading it and hate thinking of someone else doing the changing, feeding etc as I've been totally the main carer for him. I think he'll be fine - but not sure I will!

    So sorry, that probably hasn't helped much!

    It's just a new phase, I'm sure we'll get used to it and the babies will love it!
  • Hi Lisa

    My family live 40 mile away (not a massive distance but i really miss them and its not like i can ask them for help with childcare - i think id be alot happier if my mum could have her image )
    The thing im dreading is, as i am her main carer everyday i know her inside out, i know she like to be out down in her cot for a nap after about 2-3 hours, she likes to be tucked in tight with her fleecy blanket and her fave musical toy image She wont be cuddled to sleep and it she gets passed tired she is too upset to go to sleep and i think im the only one who will follow her routine 100%.
    I cant bare the thought of her being tired but mil might keep her playing or try and cuddle her - which wont work. I suppose i have to just tel her and hope that she follows what Lily likes and what i say.
    I am less worried about the nursery as they are professionals and know the score and have to listen to what i say so i feel a little more in control.

    Also, mil looks after our other niece who is 18months old and she is a little social thing, see's mil/fil a good 2-3 times a week. She goes there 2 days for childcare and see her a lot oveer the weekend.

    I get the feeling that they would rather have her than my baba, and Lily cries when she see's new people, she needs time to adjust to the situation before people can talk/pick her up lol. I dont know what im rambling about but i just feel like she is a little pushed out because she isnt 'as soiable' as the one one. Im not going to force her on people and t do things, if she is a little quite child then thats ok with me and i wont try and change her.

    Oh dear...after that rant i think its the inlaws i have a prob with do u? lol

    God - im so glad fro this website, at least i can talk to someone about it xxxx
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    [Modified by: newlook on March 31, 2010 10:23 AM]

  • I feel exactly the same, I don't want anyone else to care for my baby it's my job and my responsibility. I don't really leave him with anyone, he comes with or we don't go. I have agreed to go back to work part time and have enrolled J at our local nursery 2 days but I'm hoping that a big lottery win will come our way before that. September will be a very sad time for me x x

    K x
  • oh LoobyLou i know how u feel, its a very sad time image
    I said i couldnt afford another baba anytime soon but i think i might have another shortly after going back to work! Then i can be off again and look after them both image xx

    Happy times x
  • Hiya Newlook,

    It's a horrible thought isn't it?? Alfie stayed at my sister's last Saturday whilst we went out for a meal. It was the first time he's stayed away from us overnight and I felt so upset for half the night, until alcohol took hold and I'd had a few text updates & photos to show he was fine! He's at the clingy stage and cries if a stranger (or someone he doesn't see everyday) picks him up or talks to him so I had been worried about him settling. Once he becomes familiar he's fine.

    When I go back to work at the end of May my sister will be looking after him. She was made redundant Oct last year and she got a good enough payout to be a SAHM for a while with her 2 year old daughter. We decided that when I returned to work she could look after Alfie as she only lives 5mins from my place or work and we'd pay her a set amount each week. This helps us and helps her plus Alfie gets to spend time with his cousin. I'm confident in her abilities and think he'll love it. When we got him back last Sunday he seemed to appreciate us more which was lovely, maybe he'll be the same when I pick him up from work? he he.

    I'm going to visit my sister and maybe get her to babysit a few more times before I do go back to work, just to ease him in a bit and so he can become more familiar. Maybe you could do the same with Lily and your MIL to give you a bit of peace of mind.

    My in-laws fell out with us for a short while when we told them my sister was having Alfie. They'd presumed they would have him as they live closest to us. They're both in their 60's and both work part time and when it comes to technology they won't even use a cash machine and get my hubby to draw money out for them!!! Who would you choose?? A recently experienced (i.e 2yr old daughter and still got all toys/gear), young sister who has all day to spend with him plus he can socialise with his cousin or 2 elderly people who couldn't provide consistent care as going out to work and couldn't use a steriliser?? So Newlook, you're not the only one with an in-law problem.... shall we start a new thread and rant on that?? he he.

    Shell xx
  • Because I work shifts I don't have the option of a nursery as I would have to pay for Harry to go full time and he may only be there twice a month! besides I can't afford nursery.

    luckily with my shifts it means I don't need too much childcare. I work 2 earlyshifts and a late shift then have 10 days off before doing a late and 2 night shifts. then 4 days off. so it works out well most of the time.

    Thankfully my husband has flexitime with work and on my early shifts (which is about 4 days amonth) he will take 2 days off flex and if needed on the other days (as if weekends no childcare needed) My inlaws (boo) or my mum will have Harry. As a last resort my friend who just lives a few doors down will have harry as I look after her middle son (she just had her 3rd baby on Monday) one day a week when she was at work. She works at the out of school club which my eldest goes too.

    Up until Christmas time I was looking forward to going back to work, but since Jan I really have this dread of going back. Although I have done a couple of KIT days and it was fine.

    The Lotto win's mine by the way so sorry and all!!!image

    I can totally sympathise with the thought of nursery etc. as I had to put my eldest to nursery when i went back to work as the inlaws who agreed to look after him decided after a day that it was too much work! But Lewis really enjoyed his nursery and it brought out all the social skills in him. They were really good as well at filming walking etc for me incase he hadn't done it before so I didn't miss out. I also got friendly with a couple of the staff and they were invaluable as babysitters later on.

    I sooooo much want to be a SAHM but financially I just can't afford it and I can't afford to pay for childcare either as it's soo expensive where we are as there isn't much choice in a decent nursery. Infact the best two nurseries in the area are both at private schools (Kilgraston and Craigclowan) but cost an absolute arm and a leg.

  • Harsmum - that's a really good idea about filming. Is that done as standard at most nurseries? It's made me think about getting a FLIP camcorder for my sister to use as I'd be gutted if I missed those special milestones!

    Shell xx
  • I think most nurseries require you to sign an image usage thingy form to allow them to take photos and video and to display around nursery and put in paper for special events etc. (sorry don't know the proper name for it) I know I have to do one for school too.
  • I am back at work already, have been since January. Haiden goes to nursery 3 days a week and my sister who works part time has her 2 days a week (although this might change as Haiden's cousin starts school in September so my sister might change her hours)

    I was dreading it so much, but I was more worried about me to be honest!! Haiden is such a laid back baby, always has been and she gets on with everyone. Having said that, yes I wanted to be the one wiping her bum, not someone else!! And I will be devastated if I miss something big. She did cut her first tooth at nursery though and I was just happy really, not annoyed I had missed it

    As I have mentioned before though I am hoping to study to be a MW, and if I do that the childcare thing will have to be rethought. Don't really know what we can do about me working shifts while I study! xx
  • Its such an awful thought of going back to work and having to have someone else look after LO.
    I am also back at work, have been for 4 weeks. I was lucky enough to be able to negotiate with my organisation to so I could fit my shifts around hubby.
    I also dropped my hours which means a huge drop in pay but we like others will just have to manage! It also means that LO will have time with daddy. I work every 2nd weekend and 2 or 3 nights a week so she is in bed for most of that anyway!
    I refuse to let MIL to look after LO as I just dont trust her, but thats a whole other story which I wont go into just now lol. Feel free to start that other post shell!!


  • Issy is going to a childminder 1-2days per week.
    I'm dreading it. The childminder is lovely. Issy likes her. I'm just dreading leaving her with someone else. I'm a real control freak when it comes to most things...but it's on another level with Issy. I'm panicking about everything form nappy changing to feeding! I've got to calm myself down. She starts properly next week as thats when I start back to work. I'm sure i'll feel much more settled once i've been back a week or two and see that she is fine there. It's horrible! I wish I could afford to stay off with her image I'm going to miss her so so much.
  • I wish to join the 'I'm dreading it' camp. I'm a teacher and going back to work full time, but am lucky that my mum is going to take her every day and they are very well bonded. I'm still soooooo jealous. I'd do anything to do it all myself. Come on National Lottery!
  • Hey Newlook, it's horrible isn't it. I don't go back to work until 31st Aug and hoping to just do mornings 8am-1pm. I'm very lucky my mum is going to look after George for me and she only lives down the road so it's ideal. George has been going to her from the week he was born, she has him when I go food shopping to the hairdressers etc so it's like a second home to him.

    It's still really hard to think that someone else will look after him some of the time though and I would love to be a SAHM at least until he goes to school. I am looking forward to having wages again though and being able to afford what we want without worrying.

    I think I'll return to work really satifised I've had a lovely 13 months off and given George the best start that I could and hopefully enjoy the challenge of work again too.

    I hope your return goes well

    Claire xx
  • I'm back to work on 19th April but am only going back 3 days. Mon, wed and thurs. I'm lucky that both of my parents are retired so they'll mainly have Jack but hubby works 4 days on then 4 days off so if he's off he'll have him. MIL works in a hospital so also does shifts but does get 2 days off which are sometimes mid-week so she's bugsying him on her days off.

    I am very lucky that Jack spends a lot of time with both sets of parents and I have done 1 KIT day per week since Jan and between them and hubby, they've shared childcare.

    I think it's only natural to want our own parents to watch our kids but I am lucky that Jack loves my MIL just as much as my mam so makes me feel better when I'm at work. She also has different ideas and thinks I'm fussy and never sticks to Jack's plan but he always has beaming smiles and cuddles for her so whatever she does works! I've loved having the time off with Jack and also enjoyed working one day per week but wish that's all I needed to work!

    Not looking forward to 3 days but I'm in the national lottery camp. C'mon those 6 numbers!

    K x
  • Hello! I'm due back on 4th June and am going to be doing Mon, Tues and Fridays. Sophie is enrolled in a nursery but they can only take her Mon and Fri initially and then the full three days from August so am going to have to take unpaid parental leave on a Tuesday unless something magically happens!

    Sophie is a lovely, happy, smiley, sociable baby so I think she will get on just fine but I'm going to need to be sponsored by Kleenex! Get quite emotional even at the thought of not being there for her in the same way. My work have been elusive to say the least on confirming hours and I dont actually know what I'm returning to do. My job prior to maternity was a good one but I had the colleague from hell so perhaps a change might not be a bad thing. I get a knot in my stomach contemplating having to work with him again!

  • Hi girls,
    Im a SAHM and have been since 2006.
    I did work part time for a bit but when my OH got a new job which involved longer hours I had to leave. It wasnt guaranteed he would be home in time for me to leave in the evenings and he was on call at weekends once a month.
    I did start working full time when my first daughter was a year old but it didnt work out as the money I was earning was all taken up by the nursery.

    I love being at home with my girls but sometimes wish I could work to get extra money.
    We live off just my partners wage and Tax credits, I couldnt work as we wouldnt be any better off.

    I will be a SAHM until Ella goes to full time school in 4 years!

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