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The birth of BabyN ............
MrsNaps
Regular
aka Harrison David N*****
Well I'm finally sitting down to write my birth story as my little man is sleeping in his pram (though I think I may have to type fast as he is keeping me on my toes!!)
As you all know (as i moaned enough) i had a crappy pregnancy with one thing and another and I was desperate for my baby boy to arrive early or on time. Nature had other ideas and I went 9 days overdue before being admitted for induction.
Sunday 30th August - 7.30am.
I arrived at hospital with Hubby as advised by the ward the night before to be induced. By this point we were both really excited as we were so ready to meet our baby and start family life. The one thing I'd always said was that I didn't really want to be induced as I'd heard so many horror stories and knew that it increased the need for an assisted delivery of one sort or other, but by this point I didn't care!!
When we arrived I was put in a room with another lady that was also being induced only she was into day 2 of her induction and looked awful - I remember thinking how sorry for her I felt that it was taking so long and actually felt confident that the induction process would go smoothly for me and I would get lucky and have my baby that day!! How wrong was I.
The midwife assigned to me came to see me just after 8. As she walked into the room she announced that she didn't know what i was doing there and would be sending me home as I was only 9 days over and not 10 days as hospital policy and actually said 'you cant just choose when to have your baby you know'. To which I just burst into tears and tried to explain that the doctor had agreed the week before due to number of reduced movement and how distressed I had become and that they would've done it at 7 days over had it not been so busy. She was so nasty to me and we nicknamed her grotbags!! After putting me on the monitor and doing bp, which was sky high she went off to get a doctor. 1 1/2 hours later and I'm still strapped to the monitor and nobody has come back so I pull the pads off and go in search of grotbags. I find her 'on her break' kicking back with heat magazine and said she 'forgot' I was on the monitor. I'm ordered back to my room and told to be patient. Erm, hello, I'm here to be induced, lets get on with it I want to say, but instead smile sweetly.
At 12 noon a lovely doctor comes to see me and apologises for the delay. Turns out they're very busy and all the delivery rooms are full and they've done 3 emergency sections (i remember thinking - thats not good is it!). She says she is going to get the gel and will be back.........
2pm - the doctor returns. No explanation and by this point I'm well and truely p****d off!! She examins me and I'm 2cm (which I'd been for 2 weeks) and I'm given the gel and put back on the monitor. About 20 minutes later I start having contractions. I was unsure at first as they were all in my back but the monitor was picking them up. Grotbags returned and I'm taken off the monitor and Hubby and I decide to stay active and spend a few hours walking the corridors and grounds of the hospital and then I bounce like crazy on a birthing ball. The contractions aren't what I imagned they'd be at all. The pain came across my lower back and when it did I couldn't sit down but it didn't travel across the front of my bump at all. I should've known then that this was cos baby was still back to back, but when the doctor examined me she was adament he wasn't.
The day passed quie qucikly and I didn't require any pain relief as the labour hadn't really got going I suppose.
8pm - I was due to be re-examined and have another gel if needed. If I'd got to 3cm they'd said they'd take me to delivery and break my waters, so Hubby and I were keeping our fingers crossed that that is what would happen. Just before 8 a new midwife came and announced that Hubby now had to leave as I wasn't in 'established labour' and the doctor had been delayed. I burst out in tears again - i couldn't believe that they were making Hubby stick to their ridiculus visiting hours!! I begged and pleaded but they wouldn't have any of it - even the sister came and said I wasn't having my baby today so I should just 'rest and enjoy my last night' - I wanted to punch her!!
So much to both of our disappointment Hubby leaves.
The woman that was in the room with me earlier had long been taken to delivery so i was all alone in a very large room with 4 beds in it. In all honesty I've never felt so alone in my life.
8.45pm - Doctor arrives and does examination. She says I'm only 2cm stil. I tell her I dont believe her and want a second opinion!!!! She laughs but has to go along with my request. i just cant believe that after 6 hours of contractions (ok not really strong I later relaise) I'd not dialted 1 little cm. I mean 1cm isn't even that much is it!!!!???
9.15pm - Doctor number 2 turns up. Internal and yep I'm still 2cm = more tears!!! And begging to let Hubby come back as I feel very fragile by this point. I'm spoken to like a little child and given the next lot of gel and hooked back up to my favourite thing the monitor!!
The doctor then announces that they wouldn't be back to see me til the morning unless I went into active labour myself!! I protested that I should be due another gel at 3.15am and would like my waters broken then and Hubby phoned. the doctor then advises me that as it is a Sunday they have 'skeleton' staff on and wont intervene any further until the morning. Honestly, I felt like I was being punched. i was there to be induced and have my baby - but they just seemed to be all over the place with it and not following induction process at all. Anyway, what can you do - ultimately you're at the hands of the doctors.
I know I sound like a right winge bag but I really did feel quite low at this point - I rang my Mum and had a good cry then spent an hour on the phone to my fab Hubby to talked some sense into me and make me see that it might take longer than we hoped but we'd soon be meeting our little man.
11pm onwards - My contractions really up a gear and as far as I'm concerned I'm in active labour. I had a lovely midwife sit with me for a few hours and talk to me about pretty much every topic known to man and she was a fab distraction. She feels that I'm in established labour so at 2.30am agrees to call a doctor to examine me and I get my hopes up that this is it!!
2.45am - Doctor arrives. He does an internal and it was the most pain I've ever felt. he was so rough and I cried my eyes out. Doctor says I'm 2.5cm!!! So going nowhere. I'm given some paracetamol (wow - big deal) and left alone!! I pace the room all night and by the time the morning arrives I'm exhausted and wondering how I'll get through 'proper' labour as I just want to sleep.
31st August
8am - Hubby arrives back and bring me some lovely brekkie. He is fab and I can honestly say I'd have really lost the plot if it wasn't for him. hubby cant believe the state of me and cant get his head round why I'm not in delivery. I cant sit and with every contraction now the only thing I can do is lean over the bed and do some half hearted attempt at breathing through them. Again I have a good old cry and actually pray to myself that somebody hurries up to see me and we can get things moving!!
9am - Another doctor arrives. She is lovely and little do i realise then that she would play such a big part in the birth of Harrison. Another examination and I'm 3cm - yippee!! I'm told I can now be moved down to delivery and have my waters broken. She advises me to discuss pain relief when I get there so I decline the paracetamol the midwife offers!!
We pack up our things and the midwife says she'll be back after phoning delivery.
11am - Nobody has come back!!!! AAAAAAAhhhhhhh - I'm going out of my mind - In agony. My back hurts so much with each contraction and I'm so fed up. I again go in search of answers. The midwife has gone home I'm told and delivery is full - nobody thought to tell me that though.
12.15pm - Finally I'm taken down to delivery.
I get changed into my big mans t-shirt and put on some music. I'm told the doctor will be here 'in a minute' to break my waters and that i need to go on the monitor PERMANENTLY due to being induced. I'm gutted so I decide to use the loo now.
Well I couldn't get off the toilet - I had a massive contraction and I think I went into a bit of shock and just broke down there and then. hubby heard me sobbing and opened the toilet door. He and the midwife had to help me onto the bed and I passed out. Not sure how long I was out for but when i came round the doctor was there and just said she was breaking my waters and wished me a speedy delivery!! The doctor put a clip on babys head as I said the pads were annoying me from the monitor and his heart rate was monitored that way.
Having my waters broken didn't hurt but it was an odd feeling and I felt quite minging that I was so wet!!
As soon as they were broken the contractions got so intense. In all honestly I've never felt pain like it - I was wriggling around on the bed as my lower back and bum were in agony. At this point I requested an epidural.
I had a change in midwife at this paoint - enter the truely amazing Jenny!!
In the morning I'd told Hubby I didn't want one but that quickly went out of the window. The midwife put a drip into my hand and the anethetist arrived around 1.30pm and administered the epidural. At the same time I'm given the drip to speed up contractions!!
I dont know what I expected - a miracle maybe. But I didn't notice any difference in the pain. I was still in agony. Jenny topped it up and again nothing so the anethetist was recalled. When he arrived he kept spraying me with that cold spray and was puzzled I could feel it everywhere so the epidural was resited. Again nothing. Another hour of the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole life and he was back again. This time he gave me a 'very strong' version of the drug and it worked.
3.45pm - Jeny leaves me and Hubby alone as I'm quite chilled now I'm pain free and says she'll be back in 10 minutes but to buzz if I need her. Hubby and I start to chat about meeting baby.
i dont know what made me do it but I turned round to look at the monitor. The monitor was on my left but behing my head as I'd raised the bed. I got the shock of my life. babys heart rate was dipping with every contraction for the last 10 mins. At one point it was so low it hadn't been picked up at all. I said to Hubby that I though the clip on babys head must be coming off as it wasn't picking up heart rate so we buzz Jenny. i didn't think it was anything serious.
Jenny looks at the monitor and looks panicked. She goes to get a senior midwife who looks at the clip - its fine and the trace and decides that baby must be 'messing about' with his cord and its very common and not to worry.
However it keeps happening for the next hour and Jenny says she thinks baby is in distress.
Enter about 100 people (well not really but you know what i mean!!).
The doctor who broke my waters examines me and I'm 10cm. So I'd gone from 3cm to 10cm in just over 3hours or so. I'm told to start pushing but nothing is happening!!
they decide to take blood from babys head and test to see if he is in distress and I'm now hysterical.
Babys disappears off the monitior for 3 minutes and I keep asking if he is alive and nobody will answer.
Things are very blurry from now on and Hubby keeps telling me to breathe as I'm getting so distressed.
Somebody comes in with the results of the blood test - we aren't told the results on that baby has to come out now!! The doctor inserts her hand inside me and tells me to push her hand away which helps with the pushing process. She says that baby is not moving but that I'm doing it right.
Within a few minutes they decide I need help.
I'm rushed to theatre and they attempt a vontuse delivery - the clips have been removed from babys head and replaced with the pads on my bumps and I can see his heart rate in around 40bpm. The vontouse fails.
the next thing I know a form is shoved under my nose and I'm told to sign it. Somebody is talking to me and I cant hear a word they're saying. Hubby's lips are moving but nothing!! I throw up.
Jenny is stroking my hair and talking to me - i finally focus on her words. I'm having a section. infact baby is almost out. She is calming and reassuring and a rock throughout the whole thing, as is Hubby.
The next thing I remember is somebody saying - 'wow he is blond'. I'm thinking who is blond???
Out of the corner of my right eye I see a nurse rush off with my baby.
the room is silent and Hubby tells me he is blue looking.
I tell Hubby to go after them and find out what is happening. I can just about see them in the corner of the room gathered round my baby. Jenny is telling me everything is ok and then he lets out a massive scream!! That was the best moment of my life. I later find out that baby was resussated but was perfectly fine after 5 mins and had a good agpar score!!
Hubby comes back over and gives me a big kiss and tells me he is fine and they're cleaning him up. And then Jenny hands him to Hubby and I just stare at hime for what seems likde eternity.
We decide to name him Harrison - which i knew we would as it was the only name we agreed on throughout my pregnancy.
Harrison is weighed and is 7lb 6oz - much smaller than I thought he'd been and they'd said he would be. After a bit longer Hubby and Harrison are taken off somewhere as I'm now throwing up all over the floor and shaking. I pass out again (so I'm told). i later find out I needed a blood transfusion. I also found out that Harrison had his cord wrapped round his belly three times and he had marks on him for about a week. they've told me he was never going to be born by vaginal delivery.
When I'm finally wheeled into recovery Hubby and Harrison are waiting for me and I have my first cuddle. There are pictures of it but I dont remember holding him for the first time. It breaks my heart. I see pictures of that first day / night and what he looked like and i dont think he is my baby; he looks different and i dont recall being there at all.
I may write later about the aftercare I received but Harrison is stirring now. There is a lot more to this story and it goes on for another 2 days!!
I feel so in love with my little boy but I feel deeply scarred by his birth and do not want to go through that ever again. i hope time heals.
Lisa
xxxxx
Well I'm finally sitting down to write my birth story as my little man is sleeping in his pram (though I think I may have to type fast as he is keeping me on my toes!!)
As you all know (as i moaned enough) i had a crappy pregnancy with one thing and another and I was desperate for my baby boy to arrive early or on time. Nature had other ideas and I went 9 days overdue before being admitted for induction.
Sunday 30th August - 7.30am.
I arrived at hospital with Hubby as advised by the ward the night before to be induced. By this point we were both really excited as we were so ready to meet our baby and start family life. The one thing I'd always said was that I didn't really want to be induced as I'd heard so many horror stories and knew that it increased the need for an assisted delivery of one sort or other, but by this point I didn't care!!
When we arrived I was put in a room with another lady that was also being induced only she was into day 2 of her induction and looked awful - I remember thinking how sorry for her I felt that it was taking so long and actually felt confident that the induction process would go smoothly for me and I would get lucky and have my baby that day!! How wrong was I.
The midwife assigned to me came to see me just after 8. As she walked into the room she announced that she didn't know what i was doing there and would be sending me home as I was only 9 days over and not 10 days as hospital policy and actually said 'you cant just choose when to have your baby you know'. To which I just burst into tears and tried to explain that the doctor had agreed the week before due to number of reduced movement and how distressed I had become and that they would've done it at 7 days over had it not been so busy. She was so nasty to me and we nicknamed her grotbags!! After putting me on the monitor and doing bp, which was sky high she went off to get a doctor. 1 1/2 hours later and I'm still strapped to the monitor and nobody has come back so I pull the pads off and go in search of grotbags. I find her 'on her break' kicking back with heat magazine and said she 'forgot' I was on the monitor. I'm ordered back to my room and told to be patient. Erm, hello, I'm here to be induced, lets get on with it I want to say, but instead smile sweetly.
At 12 noon a lovely doctor comes to see me and apologises for the delay. Turns out they're very busy and all the delivery rooms are full and they've done 3 emergency sections (i remember thinking - thats not good is it!). She says she is going to get the gel and will be back.........
2pm - the doctor returns. No explanation and by this point I'm well and truely p****d off!! She examins me and I'm 2cm (which I'd been for 2 weeks) and I'm given the gel and put back on the monitor. About 20 minutes later I start having contractions. I was unsure at first as they were all in my back but the monitor was picking them up. Grotbags returned and I'm taken off the monitor and Hubby and I decide to stay active and spend a few hours walking the corridors and grounds of the hospital and then I bounce like crazy on a birthing ball. The contractions aren't what I imagned they'd be at all. The pain came across my lower back and when it did I couldn't sit down but it didn't travel across the front of my bump at all. I should've known then that this was cos baby was still back to back, but when the doctor examined me she was adament he wasn't.
The day passed quie qucikly and I didn't require any pain relief as the labour hadn't really got going I suppose.
8pm - I was due to be re-examined and have another gel if needed. If I'd got to 3cm they'd said they'd take me to delivery and break my waters, so Hubby and I were keeping our fingers crossed that that is what would happen. Just before 8 a new midwife came and announced that Hubby now had to leave as I wasn't in 'established labour' and the doctor had been delayed. I burst out in tears again - i couldn't believe that they were making Hubby stick to their ridiculus visiting hours!! I begged and pleaded but they wouldn't have any of it - even the sister came and said I wasn't having my baby today so I should just 'rest and enjoy my last night' - I wanted to punch her!!
So much to both of our disappointment Hubby leaves.
The woman that was in the room with me earlier had long been taken to delivery so i was all alone in a very large room with 4 beds in it. In all honesty I've never felt so alone in my life.
8.45pm - Doctor arrives and does examination. She says I'm only 2cm stil. I tell her I dont believe her and want a second opinion!!!! She laughs but has to go along with my request. i just cant believe that after 6 hours of contractions (ok not really strong I later relaise) I'd not dialted 1 little cm. I mean 1cm isn't even that much is it!!!!???
9.15pm - Doctor number 2 turns up. Internal and yep I'm still 2cm = more tears!!! And begging to let Hubby come back as I feel very fragile by this point. I'm spoken to like a little child and given the next lot of gel and hooked back up to my favourite thing the monitor!!
The doctor then announces that they wouldn't be back to see me til the morning unless I went into active labour myself!! I protested that I should be due another gel at 3.15am and would like my waters broken then and Hubby phoned. the doctor then advises me that as it is a Sunday they have 'skeleton' staff on and wont intervene any further until the morning. Honestly, I felt like I was being punched. i was there to be induced and have my baby - but they just seemed to be all over the place with it and not following induction process at all. Anyway, what can you do - ultimately you're at the hands of the doctors.
I know I sound like a right winge bag but I really did feel quite low at this point - I rang my Mum and had a good cry then spent an hour on the phone to my fab Hubby to talked some sense into me and make me see that it might take longer than we hoped but we'd soon be meeting our little man.
11pm onwards - My contractions really up a gear and as far as I'm concerned I'm in active labour. I had a lovely midwife sit with me for a few hours and talk to me about pretty much every topic known to man and she was a fab distraction. She feels that I'm in established labour so at 2.30am agrees to call a doctor to examine me and I get my hopes up that this is it!!
2.45am - Doctor arrives. He does an internal and it was the most pain I've ever felt. he was so rough and I cried my eyes out. Doctor says I'm 2.5cm!!! So going nowhere. I'm given some paracetamol (wow - big deal) and left alone!! I pace the room all night and by the time the morning arrives I'm exhausted and wondering how I'll get through 'proper' labour as I just want to sleep.
31st August
8am - Hubby arrives back and bring me some lovely brekkie. He is fab and I can honestly say I'd have really lost the plot if it wasn't for him. hubby cant believe the state of me and cant get his head round why I'm not in delivery. I cant sit and with every contraction now the only thing I can do is lean over the bed and do some half hearted attempt at breathing through them. Again I have a good old cry and actually pray to myself that somebody hurries up to see me and we can get things moving!!
9am - Another doctor arrives. She is lovely and little do i realise then that she would play such a big part in the birth of Harrison. Another examination and I'm 3cm - yippee!! I'm told I can now be moved down to delivery and have my waters broken. She advises me to discuss pain relief when I get there so I decline the paracetamol the midwife offers!!
We pack up our things and the midwife says she'll be back after phoning delivery.
11am - Nobody has come back!!!! AAAAAAAhhhhhhh - I'm going out of my mind - In agony. My back hurts so much with each contraction and I'm so fed up. I again go in search of answers. The midwife has gone home I'm told and delivery is full - nobody thought to tell me that though.
12.15pm - Finally I'm taken down to delivery.
I get changed into my big mans t-shirt and put on some music. I'm told the doctor will be here 'in a minute' to break my waters and that i need to go on the monitor PERMANENTLY due to being induced. I'm gutted so I decide to use the loo now.
Well I couldn't get off the toilet - I had a massive contraction and I think I went into a bit of shock and just broke down there and then. hubby heard me sobbing and opened the toilet door. He and the midwife had to help me onto the bed and I passed out. Not sure how long I was out for but when i came round the doctor was there and just said she was breaking my waters and wished me a speedy delivery!! The doctor put a clip on babys head as I said the pads were annoying me from the monitor and his heart rate was monitored that way.
Having my waters broken didn't hurt but it was an odd feeling and I felt quite minging that I was so wet!!
As soon as they were broken the contractions got so intense. In all honestly I've never felt pain like it - I was wriggling around on the bed as my lower back and bum were in agony. At this point I requested an epidural.
I had a change in midwife at this paoint - enter the truely amazing Jenny!!
In the morning I'd told Hubby I didn't want one but that quickly went out of the window. The midwife put a drip into my hand and the anethetist arrived around 1.30pm and administered the epidural. At the same time I'm given the drip to speed up contractions!!
I dont know what I expected - a miracle maybe. But I didn't notice any difference in the pain. I was still in agony. Jenny topped it up and again nothing so the anethetist was recalled. When he arrived he kept spraying me with that cold spray and was puzzled I could feel it everywhere so the epidural was resited. Again nothing. Another hour of the worst pain I have ever felt in my whole life and he was back again. This time he gave me a 'very strong' version of the drug and it worked.
3.45pm - Jeny leaves me and Hubby alone as I'm quite chilled now I'm pain free and says she'll be back in 10 minutes but to buzz if I need her. Hubby and I start to chat about meeting baby.
i dont know what made me do it but I turned round to look at the monitor. The monitor was on my left but behing my head as I'd raised the bed. I got the shock of my life. babys heart rate was dipping with every contraction for the last 10 mins. At one point it was so low it hadn't been picked up at all. I said to Hubby that I though the clip on babys head must be coming off as it wasn't picking up heart rate so we buzz Jenny. i didn't think it was anything serious.
Jenny looks at the monitor and looks panicked. She goes to get a senior midwife who looks at the clip - its fine and the trace and decides that baby must be 'messing about' with his cord and its very common and not to worry.
However it keeps happening for the next hour and Jenny says she thinks baby is in distress.
Enter about 100 people (well not really but you know what i mean!!).
The doctor who broke my waters examines me and I'm 10cm. So I'd gone from 3cm to 10cm in just over 3hours or so. I'm told to start pushing but nothing is happening!!
they decide to take blood from babys head and test to see if he is in distress and I'm now hysterical.
Babys disappears off the monitior for 3 minutes and I keep asking if he is alive and nobody will answer.
Things are very blurry from now on and Hubby keeps telling me to breathe as I'm getting so distressed.
Somebody comes in with the results of the blood test - we aren't told the results on that baby has to come out now!! The doctor inserts her hand inside me and tells me to push her hand away which helps with the pushing process. She says that baby is not moving but that I'm doing it right.
Within a few minutes they decide I need help.
I'm rushed to theatre and they attempt a vontuse delivery - the clips have been removed from babys head and replaced with the pads on my bumps and I can see his heart rate in around 40bpm. The vontouse fails.
the next thing I know a form is shoved under my nose and I'm told to sign it. Somebody is talking to me and I cant hear a word they're saying. Hubby's lips are moving but nothing!! I throw up.
Jenny is stroking my hair and talking to me - i finally focus on her words. I'm having a section. infact baby is almost out. She is calming and reassuring and a rock throughout the whole thing, as is Hubby.
The next thing I remember is somebody saying - 'wow he is blond'. I'm thinking who is blond???
Out of the corner of my right eye I see a nurse rush off with my baby.
the room is silent and Hubby tells me he is blue looking.
I tell Hubby to go after them and find out what is happening. I can just about see them in the corner of the room gathered round my baby. Jenny is telling me everything is ok and then he lets out a massive scream!! That was the best moment of my life. I later find out that baby was resussated but was perfectly fine after 5 mins and had a good agpar score!!
Hubby comes back over and gives me a big kiss and tells me he is fine and they're cleaning him up. And then Jenny hands him to Hubby and I just stare at hime for what seems likde eternity.
We decide to name him Harrison - which i knew we would as it was the only name we agreed on throughout my pregnancy.
Harrison is weighed and is 7lb 6oz - much smaller than I thought he'd been and they'd said he would be. After a bit longer Hubby and Harrison are taken off somewhere as I'm now throwing up all over the floor and shaking. I pass out again (so I'm told). i later find out I needed a blood transfusion. I also found out that Harrison had his cord wrapped round his belly three times and he had marks on him for about a week. they've told me he was never going to be born by vaginal delivery.
When I'm finally wheeled into recovery Hubby and Harrison are waiting for me and I have my first cuddle. There are pictures of it but I dont remember holding him for the first time. It breaks my heart. I see pictures of that first day / night and what he looked like and i dont think he is my baby; he looks different and i dont recall being there at all.
I may write later about the aftercare I received but Harrison is stirring now. There is a lot more to this story and it goes on for another 2 days!!
I feel so in love with my little boy but I feel deeply scarred by his birth and do not want to go through that ever again. i hope time heals.
Lisa
xxxxx
0
Replies
Harrison shortly after his birth.
You should definitely write a strongly worded letter of complaint, nobody should be treated like that.
I don't know if it's different rules for hospitals but I had an epidural with my first labour and I was told that I had to have a midwife present at all times, so I was shocked to read that you were left alone. Also I think you could benefit from having a de-brief of your labour. I know it would be hard to go through it all, but it might help to be able understand the ins and outs of what happened.
Harrison is a little stunner, so be proud of the beautiful baby you created.
Cat xxx
I am sat crying and reading, partly feeling so incredibly traumatised for you, but I know sympathy will not help you deal with what happened during your labour and birth with Harrison any better, nor this far on make you feel any better about it all, you have written it al down though and that certainly helps with getting your own head around things (or so I have found).
The other part of me is crying a bit for me and Isabelle, perhaps selfishly, but it just makes me realise how different things could have turned out, and how scared I was, yet fortunately for us it was all over in about the same time scale ( 2 pro pess 24 hours apart!) and then the labour was incredibly quick but with such a different sequence of events.
I can totally appreciate and understand why you would not want to go through another pregnancy and certainly another labour would be incomprehensible at ths point for me if mine had been anything like your experience.
Treasure your lovely Harrison, and just remember that things like this are the making of us, not the breaking of us, you will come to terrms with it all in time, like you say, and you will realise that although it wasn't the birth you expected or wanted, it is your birth story, and it will have brought you and hubby even closer than you thought you could be, and make the gift of having Harrison all the more special.
Much love and hugs,
Bets and Isabelle XxX
It has helped to write it down - I'll try and finish it tomorrow because it didn't end there unfortunately.
I'm meeting with the consultant the week after next to discuss the birth but she wasn't present and will just go off what my file says so I hope it will be useful.
I just wish i could turn back the clock and have the memories of Harrison's first few hours but it certainly has made me treasure every moment I have with him now and wouldn't change him for the world.
I'm worried about pnd and keep bursting into tears on a frequent basis but I've got a fab hubby and family around me to support me if I do develop it.
Thank you once again.
Lisa xx
Sorry to hear you had such a rough time. If its any consolation things started to get better for me at 5 weeks. I was crying almost every night and soooo many people ask "How was labour" and you think you can talk about it but then it brings tears to your eyes or you cry immediately afterwards. Now when people ask it has got easier and the nightmares have stopped so time is a great healer. I also spoke to someone at hospital and it did help but it has been my husband who has got me through it - afterall he was in tears during labour as he couldn't bear to see me in so much pain.
However I'm still saying never again!
Take care
Click Click
thanks for sharing your story. i had an emergency cs with my little boy and i know what you mean about not remembering the first few hours. i was very sick and tired afterwards and don't remember much atall.
But i came back and did it again and i have had 2 and a half years of fab time with my little boy and not remembering the first day does not worry me anymore.
let us know how you get on with the consultant.
Anna x
im so sorry about your labour and birth! but im definately so glad that u are both okay!
enjoy your baby, as im sure u r. he really is gorgeous
xxx
I'd be writing them a complaint letter if i was you and i would have left it on my way out of the hospital!
I hope you are enjoying Harrison.
Dx
38+4
It does help to write it all down.
I'm meeting with the hospital to discuss all of the events and hope that will rbing me some closure and I can just get on enjoying my stunning litle boy.
I'm going to write part two but please dont feel the need to comment I'm just doing it for my own sake really.
I hope you're all enjoying your little ones!!
Lisa xx
As I said earlier I have no memories of Harrison's first hours.
My Mum and Dad came into recovery to see me afterwards and whilst they were thrilled to be meeting their first grandchild my Mum in particular was very upset at the stae of me. She put on a brave face as Mums do - but we've discussed it since and she has told me how worried she was.
Anyway, Harrison was born at 6.10pm - I remained in theatre for well over an hour. At 8.15pm Harrison and I were taken to what would be my room for supposedly the next 3 days.
Whilst being wheeled there I was throwing up the whole time and cant tell you how many sick bowls I went through. On arrival Hubby was told that visiting finsihed at 8pm therefore he would have to leave. Hubby initially refused stating that clearly I was unwell, distressed and in shock and he was too concerned to leave. They actually were quite forceful with him and told him to leave 'straight away'. I was gutted. I'd been put in a double room and the lady in there even said she did not mind him staying a short time - but they wouldn't have any of it.
This was honestly one of the worst nights of my life.
After Hubby had gone I was handed Harrison as he was crying and had him in one arm and a sick bowl in the other. The bowl was overflowing and I kept buzzing for assistance and nobody came - the other lady had to help me and gotr me another bowl and put Harrison in his cot. She'd had a section two days earlier and I felt so bad.
Harrison was so upset - he cried for hours. I felt useless - like I was failing him as a mother. I couldn't get out of bed and they'd positioned the cot at an odd angel so I couldn't even lift him.
I'd decided to bottle feed so requested some formula but whilst trying to feed him i just kept being sick and i was so frightened of passing out with him in my arms. So I buzzed and asked a midwife If she'd sit with me whilst I fed him - i was told they were too busy but would 'take him off your hands' and feed him elsehwre. Reluctantly I agreed.
3 hours passed and nobody came back with my baby. So I tried to get out of bed to find him and pulled my catheta out (ouch!). A midwife came and shouted at me and said they thought I didn't want Harrison in with me - WTF!!??
He was brought back then and slept for a few hours.
I couldn't sleep and just sobbed all nght and starred at the clock on my phone - Hubby had been told that he could not visit til 2pm the follwing day so it just felt like forever.
My aftercare was shocking - nobody checked my dressings. At 7am I requested assistance to the shower - somebody finally came at 1.15pm.
I couldn't beleive it when I eventually got up - it was like a blood bath. I had no bottoms on and was bleeding heavily ontp the plasticy sheet they'd put underneath me. Not a nice feeling at all.
After a shower I felt a million times better but I vowed I was getting out of there.
i requested to see a doctor and asked to be discharged. They refused and said I had to stay 72 hours but eventually agreed that if all was well they'd 'let me go' after 48 hours. i was determined so put all my energy into proving I was well enough to go home the follwing day.
Once Hubby arrived things got better - again he was a rock and I love him more now than ever!
I had another bad night in hospital and pushed again to be discharged and eventually I went home at 2pm - 42 hours after my section!!
Since being home things have vastly improved and I'm loving being a Mummy - I cant change what happened now and I think it will make me stronger as a person but I'm angry and upset by it all.
Anyway, thanks for listening.
Lisa xx
Jo xxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks for your reply.
You're right - hubby is a super daddy already!! I'm so lucky.
I've written a letter of complaint but haven't send it yet as they've agreed to meet with me next week to go over my birth and I'll see what the outcome of that is.
I'm doing okay - I just cry everytime I see pictures of Harrison first born - but I just need to be strong and it will get easier. At the end of the day I'm so lucky to have such a gorgeous little boy!!
and time will help me forget the awful experience I've had.
Thanks once again.
xxx