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Have a massive problem.

I am a regular user of this forum but i have changed my name as i feel so stupid for getting myself in a terrible situation, i had my baby in August so he is just over 4 months old and im pretty sure im pregnant again. We have been using the withdrawal method until my hubby goes for the snip, i know its not a contraceptive method, we only did it a couple of times and it took us a while to conceive all my pregnancys so just never thought it would happen to me,I just cant have another baby! We have 3 already, we could probably just afford another, my oh has a good job im a stay at home mum but i just cannot do it, i dont think i could cope with another, i dont have family to help, my mum died a few years ago and we dont speak to hubbys family. We ar on our own. I wanted to start concentraing and raising my family after number 3. I cant bring myself to test, i know it will be positive, i will just crumple i just dont know what to do. I have`nt had a period yet, i had what im sure was implatation bleeding about 8 weeks ago, im exhautsed and dizzy. I have been putting it to the back of my mind for so long, i know it sounds awful but i just cannot cope with another little one, i love my children dearly but its such hard work every single day, another one wouldnt be fair on the others. Ive been so stupid, i dont know what to do.


  • GC from DIM but didn't want to read and run!!!

    We had this shortly after our daughter was born, we would have had 2 under 1 and my husband went crazy saying we couldn't afford it, it was too soon, blah blah blah and end ended in a massive arguement as we had always planned more children (we were also using withdrawal!!!)

    Anyway, I took a test and it was actually negative so the stress and heartache was for nothing.

    I would say you should start by doing a test, it could be nothing for you too and then once you have a result pos or neg you can then think about your options.

    Take care!
  • hi blue109

    oh hun you didnt need to change your name, this is more common than you think, tbh I was thinking that someone from DIA would be in this position. The last thing on our minds is sex and contraception with a new baby and the moment can sneak up on you.

    We had unprotected sex 4 weeks ago - im bf but little one is going through the night now so my protection from that will go down. There is a little voice at the back of my mind but im ignoring it as im not having periods, have no symptoms and it would be seriously bad luck. I was prescibed the mini pill and didnt take it as i figured i had fairly good protection from bf, we would rarely have sex and it took us a while to conceive when ttc.

    Just wanted to let you know you aren't the only one to take a slight risk (and it was slight, it will be very bad luck if you are pregnant). Are you BF? as that may well have stopped you ovulating.

    My LO is 4 months too - he's my first - and id be initially very scared and upset if i was pregnant again now as it would be so overwhelming, so with 3 already what you say is totally understandable.

    Its also true that when you can start to fear something it becomes harder and harder to believe anything else - its easy said but you do need to test as this whole black cloud may well lift!

    If you are pregnant, as painful as it is, there are options and you can only start to work through them if you know :roll: i know the reality will be tough but you would not give birth to this baby for some time yet and you may start to feel differently. If not, there are other difficult things you'll need to face but you have your three beautiful children to put first and no one has any right to judge you. Big hugs and please keep in touch to let us know what's happened xx
  • G/C but just wanted to say I think you need to test before u start to stress about things. If your worrying so much the symptoms could be in your head. Best to find out one way or another.

    Also, for people using bf as a method of contraception.....I know 4 mummys who got pg very quickly after a baby while bfing!!
  • hi phatsue

    i wasn't encouraging anyone to use bf as contraception, but the hormones do inhibit the hormones that make you ovulate to an extent so was just thinking this might have had some affect for blue 109. bf is 96% effective when bf 4 hourly in the day and 6 hourly at night. but as babies vary their patterns so much this percentage can easily fall so it is easy to see where things go wrong xx
  • I think you should test, talk to your hubby and then if you have to make a decision. If you are pregnant and you make the decision to end this pregnancy then make sure you get all of the counciling that should be offered to you. You have been a little careless, but you have your health and your family to think of so any decision you make needs to be the right one for you and your family. Please try not to beat yourself up hun xx
  • hi blue 109 just wondered how things were going, did you find out what was going on? xx
  • Hello, Thank you for all your replys, im going to test today, i spoke to hubby at length, until now he has been kind of dismissing it, saying look how long it took us to get pregnant before, how can it just happen like that!

    I do agree that it took us a while all the other times but how can you explain no period since baby was born and just a very slightbrown bleed a few months ago and the fact that im absolutly wiped out all the time! We have both been putting it to the back of our minds for ages so im going to test this morning, have just collected first wee but have no tests so going to pop out and get one in a bit. Im terrified, i feel like a naughty teenager whos in trouble, i feel so stupid to be in this situation pregnant or not!
  • Have you tested yet blue? I'm so pleased you've spoken with your husband all got it all sorted!!!
  • Tested and its positive. Dont really know where to go from here, have lots of mixed emotions going around my head.
  • hi blue 109 hope you ok and you got the result you was hoping for were all thinking of you xxxx

    sorry just seen your post really sorry image xxxxx

  • Oh man!! I guess in your mind you were at least preparing for a positive result. And also you now have the support of your Husband to make the decision that is right for you and your family.

    Have you got a guestimate of how many weeks you are? Hopefully you will have lots of time to make an informed decision about what you want to do. I can't imagine what you must be going through - your head must be a complete mixing bowl!
  • Hi, when i had what i thought was implatation bleeding was around 8 weeks ago so im guessing 8-10 weeks. Now that i know for sure ive started to feel quite calm about it.

    I really dont think i could ever go down a termination route.

    Im pretty sure we will be keeping this baby although i have no idea how we will do it.
  • Hi Blue,

    Totally g/c, but just wanted to wish you all the best. It makes sense that you feel calmer now you know for sure, dealing with the unknown is always worse.

    You might not know how you'll do it, but you always do, don't you? You have three already so have a rough idea what you're in for, and the initial costs will be minimal as you'll already have everything.

    I hope you get the support you need from your OH, and you will get all the support you need on here as well xx
  • you sound very brave blue 109, it took guts to test and you probably couldnt have felt any worse than you did. At least you feel a tiny bit better now.

    No one can judge you for any decision you make for the good of your own family, if you do decide to go ahead, you're a strong woman and a fab mummy and like sscn says - theres always a way.

    just think of all the terrible situations people bring children into, you are in a marriage with a loving family.

    Im sorry it wasnt the news you wanted but if you carry on with the pregnancy im sure, as with all your other babies, life would be unimaginable any other way once LO is here.

    Big massive hugs, give yourself time and space to get used to things, no one can swallow this quickly. Get all the right people on board to support you, don't let anyone close who might be judgemental.

    The ladies on here will always be here too xxx
  • Good Luck blue!! Whatever decision you make it will be the right one because you are a mummy and mummy's always know best!!!

    Wishing you all the luck with your growing family!!
  • Just reading this thread. Good luck. Everything will be fine. You will look back at this next year and wonder what all the worry was about. Everyone always gets by. It is hard at times but you seem to have a great close family.
  • Hello, thank you for your replys, We had a great christmas, extremly hectic, school starts again tomorrow so will have a little bit of piece and quiet, its hard to believe that this time next year i will have ANOTHER baby!

    I have been working out our finanaces and have cut down on alot of the no nessesary things like internet tv and phones, We have to look at 7 seater cars which will be more on petrol and insurance a month. I still dont know how we`re going to do it but we will just have to go month to month and just cope. Im off to the docs tomorrow to get the ball rolling on midwife and scans as i have no idea how far along i am.

    Funnily enough the main thing i am concerned about is what people are going to think, i just know people are going to judge us. :?
  • oh my, just read this, i have posted a simialr thing on here too also changed my name, well done for c oming to a decision we are currently in the process of deciding whats best, although i dont think i could go through a termination. If we do go through with this pregnancy tho i think im just gonna tell people it was a total accident but i know what you mean about people judging not looking foward to telling certain family (if we get to that stage)

    found out yesterday im pregnant already have a almost 3 yr old and a 4 1/2 mnth old so confused to do whats best for my family me and my husband are discussing it further tonight.

    Sounds silly but as the condom split and MAP failed it kinda says to me that this baby is ment to be... Everything happens for a reason i spose....

    Hope you have a h&h pregnancy and good luck xxx
  • G/C but wanted to send hugs. It is so easy to forget you are more fertile after pregnancy, I got lucky with BFing keeping DD1 & DD2 21mths apart but we plan to stop at 2 (though may have slipped up as I haven't had coil fitted yet & we've had unprotected recently too).

    One thing I will mention is that DH & I switched our car from a 5seat Ford Focus to a 7seat Ford Grand C-Max last year. The tax is exactly the same & we only paid ??16 more for annual insurance so not as bad as we thought. Cars like the Ford Grand C-Max & Vauxhall Zaffira are 7 seaters but are sold as 'family cars' so the insurance markets cater for exactly that.

    On another note, a friend of mine has made the same slip up twice & is due baby no.5 in June. image
  • hi ladies

    blue109 and mumma22beauboys what has happened to you both can happen to anyone, you're in stable relationships with children already, it really isnt anyones business to judge you. sending lots of hugs as with only one bubba at 4 and a half months i can only imagine the shock and difficulty you're both facing.

    blue 109 glad you are starting to work through things in your own mind - what you are going to do will be hard but not impossible, and you know from having children already that once this bubba is here it will all feel it has played out the way it was meant to. Have you told family, etc?

    mumma22beauboys i hope you manage to come to a decision over what to do, im sure you will put your young family first whatever you decide. xx
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