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Trial separation!!

Hi Ladies,

Well my story is that in Sept my husband and I decided to have our 3rd and final child. You may know I was really ill over chrimbo with flu and viral infection and couldn't move off the sofa for a cpl of wks... I was as useful as a chocolate teapot.

Anyway... last night my husband kindly told me that he doesn't feel the same way about me anymore and that he has been living in denial thinking our marriage would last and that we were only having this baby to paper the cracks... NEWS TO ME!

So he went on to say he wants a trial separation to see how we both feel about each other.... he told me he was only still here cos of the kids!

How could he plan this baby with me to say a cpl of days ago, how are we going to cope with another mouth to feed, I said what do you want me to have an abortion, he said nothing and looked at the floor.

There is no way on earth I'm getting rid of my planned baby. I can't believe it, I thought he might just be panicking but I am now starting to think that he met someone at his work's christmas do, when he stayed in a hotel for a night... as his work's office is far away. Some really dodgy 'coincidences' have occured since then and I'm not sure if someone else has influenced this. He apparently spoke to my mum at Christmas when she was here about not feeling part of the family anymore and leaving... which is weird cos we hadn't had any arguements and he wrote on FB that he had an awesome christmas.

I don't know what I am going to do! Everything is happening so quickly. Anyone else know what I'm going through?

I feel exhausted and devastated xj image


  • Hi hun, I didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry for what you are going through, and especially whilst pregnant.

    I don't have any experience of this but sending you big hugs and hope that it works out x x
  • Hi Smoochie

    I don't have any experience of this but from what you've said, I would be suspicious too. I can't believe how selfish that is, whether he has met someone or not! To leave you on your own when you've planned a baby... And not to have even given you a hint of something is wrong.

    Really feel for you, I hope whatever happens you have lots of support around you and people who will look after you. If you need to vent at all, we're all here if thats any help. Wish I could help. I wouldn't consider an abortion either by the way.

  • So sorry to hear you are going through this. I can't imagine having all the pregnancy stuff going on and dealing with this as well. I think I would probably try to calm down first (can take me a long time!) and then arrange to sit and talk about it calmly, and then ask him what's going on. He won't be able to hide it in his face and body lang if there is anyone else. If there is not then you need to decide what to do together. It's such a tough situation. He may just be worrying about everything, and needs reassurance?

    Good Luck, and take care of yourself and your baby.

    LL xx
  • time to come clean, me and my hubby have been on a trial seperation since april 2011, hes lived with his parents since then, and just stays here the odd night.

    my hubbys all for the golf course and his parents, will bend over backwards to run around after his parents but i get told no, and anyone rings for a game of golf and hes gone no matter what plans he's already made with us.

    he keeps pleading that he can change but needs to move back in to prove that but i'm standing my ground and hes not coming back until he bucks up his ideas!

    this baby is a band aid baby, if it makes him buck up his ideas then its good all round, but if it doesn't he will never live back here which again i class as still being good, i raised my older 2 alone and actually found that easier than having a bloke interfering. to be honest tho he is being quite good so far this pregnancy, the only appointment he made it to with the lo4 was the 20 wk scan where we were going to find out the sex, and lo5 who we lost at 20 wks he didnt attend any of the 5 scans i had and one was a 4d, and i think he regrets never seeing his baby boy moving around. when i told him i had my dating scan date through i was shocked when he turned around and asked when it was and that he was going to book the morning off work to come, i hadn't even contemplated asking him to come either coz thought he wouldn't. he's already told me that he wants to be at every scan this time and all the appointments with the obstetrician, but only time will tell if he sticks to it!!

    never doubt your abilities, i am currently pregnant with my 6th and have an 11yr old, 9yr old, 4 yr old and 1 yr old already and yes i do have days where i struggle but those days are pretty rare, and you just see them through.

    you dont need him to do this, us women are tougher than people think. besides you never know the baby may bring you back together xxxx
  • Hope you're coping ok, Schmoochiegal
  • I still feel numb, n sad and in shock. I had to apply for benefits this week, it made things seem so final image I'm not sure how I'm going to cope at the moment image I just have to take one day at a time, have been getting period style aching again and still got bad cold, n now my toddler has conjuntivitis n crying all time it's just rubbish time for me, he has taken the happiness away which we should be feeling right now xjx
  • No real advise - just to say that my thoughts are with you and use this forum to just let out what you're feeling - hope you have a friend close by to chat to!

    Sending hugs

    D xxx
  • Thanks for your support ladies... and thanks Charlm for sharing with me/us your personal situation.

    My husband's parents think the sun shine's out of his butt. Forget that he is a man in his 30's with a wife and kids. I rang them to let them know what was happening and they said it was nothing to do with them, well I beg to differ as it is them he was moving bk in with and their grandchildren that would be suffering. I guess I still feel if he had nowhere to go maybe he would have still been here and been forced to deal with his issues. How can a man walk out on his preg wife and kids and leave us just waiting to see if he ever feels like he wants to come bk!

    Last night I sat and watched the 2 episodes of that new series Call the Midwife... I loved it btw, but I started getting all hormonal and was then in tears for the rest of the evening feeling as if my heart was being torn out... and there was nothing I could do about it.

    He said to me last wk that he thought he was going to leave for a cpl of wks... no he didn't say that. I told him I don't want to hear from him for a cpl of wks cos I need to try and come to terms with it all. If he thought he was coming bk and that it was temp how comes the evening he told me he was leaving did he offer to take the bloody cats... I couldn't believe it, it wasn't enough that he wanted to walk out but he wanted to take our pets with him!! He also said that he had thought about monthly money and gave me a figure, well if he thought he was gna be home in a cpl of wks why would he think about what he was gna give me monthly!! He is lyin to me image

    To add insult to injury... my eldest has just been made a sixer at cubs and I have to take him out because we live rurally and I dont drive so I cant get him there image so he is being punished for his dad walking out image

    We moved to a small village away from friends and family last July, I don't have anyone really close by. I've started talking to some women who live in the next village but it isn't the same discussing stuff like this with married women that you have just met.

    To annoy and upset me even further, a handful of men I've known for a long time seem to think it is acceptable to flirt with me or declare their undying love within a wk of my husband leaving... what is wrong with these ppl. It doesn't matter I'm in bits or that I'm pregnant!! It just makes me feel that they've got no damn respect for what I'm going through or truelly are chancers.

    I have only had 4 night on my own since he left and I feel so low, I don't know how I am going to carry on being the strong one. Things have changed a lot since I had my 1st child, I had just come out of an abusive rel, I was in my early 20s, was homeless and didn't have a pot to pee in. Now I have a house, 2 kids, my creature comforts etc. BUT the feeling I get is a bit like when I realised I was going to be a single parent with my first... I feel lonely, unloved, fat, ugly, depressed... My life in the evenings consists of tv or facebook and chatting to friends. I have no motivation, I want to lose weight during this pregnancy and feel better about myself but feel so ill I keep eating to try n stop the nausea... if I'm honest I'm comfort eating too. Which is scarey as I went from a 12-22 with my 1st baby. xj
  • Sending you hugs. ((Smoochiegal)) Keep going, you can do it.


  • Hi Smoochiegal. How are you doing?

    Lu x
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