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Having a very bad couple of days

Hi ladies



how are you all ???????? im having a very bad couple of days coming to terms with having to leave little one to go back to work full time in 8 weeks , i work a long way from home (not from choice i was transferred at the end of my pregnancy ) and am dreading not getting home till half 6 ish only in time for bath and bed , he is going to a childminder and i am so worried he will prefer spending time with her than mummy who will be so tired from getting up at stupid o clock to get him to childminder and trek the miles to work ! plus dont want to miss al his first and have another mother see them



i know it sounds pathetic but i cant seem to snap myself out of it and enjoy the last few weeks we have



on top of that trying to sort a christening and OH family are being their usual difficult self (long story but i am still best mates with my OH brothers ex - they split 4 yrs ago - and she is getting married to a lovely man this summer and i would like them both to be godparents. OH mum and dad have said if i ask them to be godparents it will upset them a great deal. !!)



sorry for the long moan just need to get it all off my chest cos i am not sleeping with worrying about it all



thinking of postponing christening till i am feeling more ready to tackle all the difficult conversations !

Replies

  • Hi hun,



    I completely understand about work. I told work I would come back after about 6 months (ie now!) although of course I don't have to. I haven't decided when i'll go back yet, but already the thought of going back upsets me a great deal. We live over an hour away from work (more for hubby) and I work fairly long hours too. Is going back part time an option for you? The thing is I don't think I would enjoy being a SAHM long term, when she goes to school and so on and financially not going back is not an option but leaving her with a stranger is going to be very difficult. Could you get another job which would be closer?



    I don't think your little boy will ever love the childminder more than he loves you. Trust me. He won't. Nobody can replace his mummy, no matter how many hours you spend apart. Don't let that worry you! I think we will just have to make the time we do spend with our little ones very special.



    As for the Christening, it is a tough one. What is your husband's view on this? At the end of the day, it is your child, so it is your choice who his god parents are. If your hubby agrees with you, could he speak to his brother? If he doesn't mind, then he should mention it to his parents. If he does, your husband should explain to him (and their parents) that his break up was his private life and that you love them both and kept in touch with both because it was not your place to take side. As you are still very good friends, it makes sense to you and this is an important choice that was not made to upset them but because it was the best decision for your little one.
  • Thanks Minnie



    Part time is not an option financially and I have looked at getting another job but I am worried within my chosen career extra hours are kind of expected so am worried with a new job it would be even worse.



    I have been thinking of asking if I can move my hours by an hour to start earlier and miss traffic but not sure this is going to even be accepted by my company



    I am feeling more positive today and am just going to work to make every moment we do spend together precious .



    As for the christening my hubby does agree with me but I am a long way from my family so we have no other support and his parents tend to react very badly to things like this (our wedding was a nightmare ) so am so unsure as to whether to rock the boat .......



    Are you going to try and work part time ? What is it you do ? x
  • Hi ML2B,



    Do you think you would rather just jump in at the deep end and go back full time straight away or have you thought about maybe asking if you could go back part time for maybe a month or two just to ease yourself in?

    That way you would be going back full time eventually so as to ease the financial burden but it wouldn't be all at once so yourself and your lo could get used to it.

    With regards to the childminder just imagine the size of the smile on your lo's face when he sees you after being apart all day - he will be delighted. No one is ever as important as a Mummy!!!
  • Gosh MummyLintern2be I could of written that post apart from the christening. The other night I was in tears for hours and went to bed exhausted and still crying those really heavy sobs. We can't financially let me stay at home so back to work I go. I'm going to put in for flexible working but that will only mean that I am hopefully going to be doing 4 days instead of 5 however so far no managers that I know of in my company have been accepted on flexible working contract. (members of staff can get it but not managers which is what I am). I would really love to do 3 days but that just would be laughed off even though they would go through the motions and then def say no. Sorry for going on.



    I really don't want to miss out like you I'm worried about Grace liking childminder more(or getting very attatched). She would be at the childminders from 8am to 6pm, a very long day. Still trying to sort out childminders.



    Could you go part time or ask for flexible working?



    Hope you can come to a decision about the christening.
  • I'm a lawyer :roll: Not sure what I will do, I am thinking about part time potentially, as it is very common where I work, but it needs to work for my department and I need to do my sums and check it is fine with nursery and everything.



    I'm glad you are feeling more positive, don't let it get you down and miss out on the (very very long I promiseimage 8 weeks ahead of you.



    Ask to start early, you have nothing to lose. You would miss the traffic and get back to your little one early and spend time together then.



    Why not try to plan a little break with your hubby and little one for a few weeks after you go back? Long week end with friends or your family, something cheap and cheerful to look forward to when you go back. I get depressed when I come back from holiday, so the first thing I do is plan another one, even if it is just a week end away to visit friends.



    I think I would leave it to your hubby to tell his parents. I'm brave like that! :lol:
  • I feel exactly the same. I have managed to put off going back to work so far for a few months yet and have a pplied for a part time position. I know that if I went back to work our finicial situation would be a lot better as we are scrimping now but I just can't do it. But now I have decided that I feel like I am failing my family by not being more pragmatic and going back to work earlier.



    With my son I went back to work at 8 months but i worked evenings and only did 3-4 4 hr shifts a week when he was asleep. It's a lot different working full tim and doing several 9am-8pm shifts a week. I woudl feel that i gave my son something I am denying my daughter.



    Sorry to rant about my own issues but I wanted you to know that you are not alone and that I have problems a lot with feeling guilty about things and suffer real anxiety about it (I'm actually seeing my doctor about it this week as it is stopping me from sleeping now too). Don't let your anxiety seep into your life like I've let mine. You are doing the best for your family & a chilminder will always be just that x



    Have you thought about becoming a chidminder yourself and looking after your child and 1 or 2 others?



    I have but I don't have the room.
  • Hi ladies thanks for all your replies nice to know im not alone ! Jubilee your not butting in , sorry your feeling like this too ! you seem to be doing everything you can for your family so dont beat yourself up about it



    i would actually love to be a childminder and we have the room but we couldnt survive financially i dont think while i was building business up and would need to have max children all the time just to survive . I am an accountant and after i had a second child i am going to look into lecturing as the hours are better



    i am feeling better ladies as i have spoken to my boss who has been very understanding and said we can look at flexible hours and flexible location , i can go work at our head office 2 days a week which is closer and work 8.30 till 5 and then work 8 - 4 on the 3 days i am further away so i can miss some traffic and get home earlier

    they are also letting me use my hols to go 4 days a week for the first 3 months



    still dreading leaving him but i am feeling a bit better
  • I am really happy for you hun. really glad you have got things sorted in a way thats better for you.



    I am seeing someone now to try to alleviate my anxiety xxx
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