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feeling down

hi ladies

i apologise now for my rant and hope you are all ok as im sure there are bigger problems than mine.
im so down at the min, my oh does naff all. he is asleep on sofa and has slept through ryan screaming cos i caught his finger in the nail clippers and am just such a bad mum he cried for two hours cos he must hate menow, and slept through me stomping about and crying myself, sometimes hysterically which i couldnt control...pathetic i know!
anyway he works alternating shifts so i make sure he gets a good nights sleep each week regardless so if ryan gets noisy we go in his room so daddy can sleep. im not doing this tonight as i have less sleep than him and i wont fall asleep with ryan, like he did tonight on the sofa. i was fuming.. cant i have a shower without something happening. i tried to explain he cant do that. then he went back to sleep.
for over a year i have been struggling with oh, pregnancy wasnt planned and i tried so hard during pregnancy.
dont get me wrong he aint a bad guy, i was with a violent guy before so appreciate oh's personality so much. its just so hard to be happy and love someone who doesnt seem to give a toss about anything. he does nothing around the house unless i moan about it for ages or cry...
i could go on but i dont want to bore you....
i must sound so selfish but i just wish he was there for me a bit more. i wish he would play with ryan more too, he is missing all his smiles and giggles. im going back to uni next week, so every thursday from 1-8 i have to be away from my baby. i wish i didnt have to but its my last semester- i just dont trusy oh...

help me feel normal again im really struggling to cope tonight and ryan has a blood blister on his poor little finger image

holly xxx :cry:
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Replies

  • Hey hun,
    I spent ages answering this post only for my net to crash before I got to post it grrrrrrrr so here goes again!!

    Firstly don't feel bad about getting Ryans finger caught in the nail clippers, these things happen and in no way,shape or form does that make you a bad mum!! Im sure Ryan has long forgotten all about it image
    I'm afraid I don't really have much advice about your oh, the only thing I would suggest is trying to talk to him again or write it all down to get it off your chest and let him see it. Sometimes men just don't think!! And most of them certainly don't realise how draining it is getting up through the night with a newborn and trying to get everything else done. You certainly don't sound selfish to me hun and I totally understand where you are coming from.
    Who will be looking after Ryan when you go back to uni? Im sure it will all work out fine and it will do you good to have some time to yourself.
    I hope you get a good sleep and that things seem a bit brighter tomorrow. :hugs:
    Amy xxx
  • I hope you're feeling a bit better today Holly. Having a newborn puts a strain on any relationship at some point and what Amy says sounds good, write it down and make sure you have some time to talk.
    Does oh give Ryan a bottle at all? As mine does nearly everything with the boys in the morning and when he's home from work, we make sure he gives Gracie her last bottle at 9 so he has some baby time/I have me time. It's all too easy for us mums to do everything, but dads should too. If bf, perhaps he could bath her?
    It'll all seem better when you get a full nights sleep too.
    Keep ya chin up x
  • Hi Holly. Really sorry you're feeling so low... I know how you feel and the others are right - sometimes men just don't think - I don't think my hubby is intentionally selfish he's just thoughtless at times... I don't have 'me' time either and it does get to you. I found just writing everything done really does help (except I have always thrown the paper in the fire instead of confronting him!)
    Sorry I'm not much help - I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you and you're not alone. Remember he's the one missing out and you're the one that will have all the special memories - it up to him to realise that - he might just need reminding occasionally.
    Big hugs. Em x
  • I can't moan too much about my oh as he does do quite a bit round the house, getting kids tea etc, but some nights he just sits on the computer or glued to the telly while i'm trying to feed or settle philip and theres washing up waiting, bottle to sterilise for his bedtime bottle, washing to go in tumble dryer etc. If i ask him to do he does it, but sometimes i feel he should be able to see what needs doing, just like i can and that i shouldn't have to ask! it's not intentional that he ignores it, he just has different expectations of cleanliness adn tidiness than i do!

    My mum swears that writing down how you feel and what you want to change is the best way of going about it, it's non-confrontational, you can get across everything you want to say instead of forgetting and he is more likely to take notice of you than when you are emotional and possibly shouting at him.

    Hope he pulls his finger out and gives you a bit more support and time for you.

    Hugs
    Obi
  • Really sorry to hear you are feeling down Holly, sending you a big hug to cheer you up. Don't feel bad about catching your lo's finger with the nail clippers, my hubby did exactly the same thing to my lo the other evening and felt terrible about it too. Brendan cried for a bit despite lots of cuddles but seems to have forgotten all about it now and certainly doesn't hate his daddy for it!

    I think men struggle to realise how tiring it is looking after a baby, and a lot of men don't really know what to do with a newborn either. A friend of my hubbies said 'they don't really do anything until they are at least 8 months old'!
    My hubby is very good with Brendan so I can't complain and he works very hard so I don't really expect anything from him when he gets home other than to play with Brendan or keep an eye on him while I get tea ready.
    You really need to talk to your oh as he probably doesn't realise what a big deal it is to you or know what you really want from him.

    Good luck, and let us know how you get on.

    Liz xxx
  • thanks everyone. im feeling ok today. we talked and i cried lots but i think he understands. the xbox is gonna be switched off for an while and he is gonna try harder he says. he was lovely this morning and paid more attention to ryan. i said id like to feel like he knows his son a bitbetter than he does as he will be looking after him when im at uni, he will pick him up from mums when he gets home from work.
    ryan has a little red bit on his finger tip and ive asked mum to do them when she has him next week!

    thanks for your replies. ive been having some really bad off days recently and with oh doing rotating shifts i feel really alone sometimes. im gonna try n go to the baby group tomorrow so i can meet some mums.

    xxx
  • hi glad you are feeling better, i couldnt reply to your past yesterday cus it made me feel so sad. we are going through a bit of hard time at the moment and oh does nothing but make it worse but i know that whatever he thinks or does im still a good mum and so are you. and please dont think any different. and your baby will be so proud of you when he gets older to know he had a mum that went to uni as well as having him and you should be proud too. even though you might find it hard leaving ryan it will do you some good and might make you feel abit more like you xx
  • hi rebecca
    are you ok? thank u for your reply, i do hope your ok too???

    its hard aint it, they dont appreciate the raging hormones and i do feel lonely sometimes. ryans beaming smiles can melt myheart and make me forget tho.
    tbh i feel stupid for getting stressed as my previous partner was a violent and aggressive man. my partner now is a far cry from the person i keep expecting him to be. im still getting used to a man that is so laid back and caring. cos i knwo hedoes care when i take a step back. he just doesnt worry about things like me and doesnt care about the housework lie i do.
    im hoping illmbe ok at uni, im sure i will. but it will breakmy heart. it made me appreciate every minute with him from when he was born.
    i hope things get better for u and that u can talk to ur oh. the worst thing for me is my oh finds it hard to talk about things and bcos im used tothe blazing rows i still find it a shock when he just admits defeat and doesnt argue with me.
    xxx
  • thats exactly how i feel when my oh admits defeat too. they are just so confusing sometimes, they dont understand how much they can hurt you by saying so little.
    look how far you have come from having a violent partner, your a bloody mummy now with a gorgeous little boy. and just let me say if your oh has upset you dont feel like you should feel grateful because of what you have had to put with in the past. you deserve some support and im sure your oh just doesnt know how to give it or talk about it, but dont feel guilty for getting on to him, your doing a good job raising your child and every mother should be commended for being pregnant for 9 months its hard slog and sometimes its even harder once they are here.

    im okay thanks, i gave up trying to talk to him at the moment he makes me feel like such a victim sometimes, which makes cry like im crazy, which then makes him even worse. sod him ive 2 little boys that need me xx
  • Def not a bad mum holly. I know how you feel though-Alfie developed a rash all over his tummy. It got really red and bumpy by last fri so i phoned my daughters grandma. 1st question she asked was 'what washing powder do you use?'
    Uh oh, never even thought about it but ive always used biological liquid. Phoned the nhs line and that was the hv 1st question as well. How bad did i feel. I went around for days saying what a bad mum i was. As soon as i changed to non-bio his rash disappeared.

    Hope you and rebecca are ok.

    I have to say that my hubby is really good but sometimes little things do p**s me off. The other day he said he would rather stay at home with Alfie because its not like going to work-Arrggh. Yep hes right, its bloody harder! If i have to do another load of washing im going to scream!

    Im pretty sure its all the hormones and lack of sleep coz little things annoy me and i end up crying for no reason. I think weve all got to remember that we all only gave birth a short while ago and our bodies are still all over the place.

    Sorry, ive started to rant now!

    Keep smiling

    Suz x
  • Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better today hun, I totally agree with rebecca when she says don't feel guilty for having a go at your oh just because your ex was a violent man. Hopefuly now you have talked to him things will get better!

    Rebecca sorry to hear you are having a hard time as well and sorry don't have any advice for you so will send you hugs instead!
    Amy xxx
  • thanks all, rebecca hope u can sort things out soon. it really is hard when they just dont talk aint it. suzlong- ur right it was only just over 5 weeks ago i gave birth and he has been like this for most of that time.and i didnt have an easy time of it either with hemorrhage and episotomy.
    yeh we talked last nite and i gave him a clear picture of my feelings... i told him iwas leaving.... probably a bitharsh but hey it worked. so instead i went out with my mate tonight and had a few drinks, and now i feel bad cos i dont no how long to wait before i can feed ryan without it uspetting his tum so have to pump it and dump it and bottle feed him.. how long before its ok to feed him? i also had liek 4 fags which i did not enjoy and am so annoyed cos i quit the day i found out i was preggers. well iwont be having any more i can day for definate.

    xxxx
  • Hope all you mums are feeling better today and that the daddies are pulling their weight. My husband really is great but even he thinks that maternity leave is like being on holiday. He always seems to come in when Lily is all settled and i'm watching TV - he misses the hours of constant boob feeding, crying (me and Lily) and me not even having a chance to wee sometimes! I was feeling a bit low now and then but ive started getting out and about with Lily now and meeting some mums and i feel so much better for it. I highly recommend going to any clubs you are told about, i thought theyd be awful but i'm enjoying it. Good Luck everyone x
  • Hope all you mums are feeling better today and that the daddies are pulling their weight. My husband really is great but even he thinks that maternity leave is like being on holiday. He always seems to come in when Lily is all settled and i'm watching TV - he misses the hours of constant boob feeding, crying (me and Lily) and me not even having a chance to wee sometimes! I was feeling a bit low now and then but ive started getting out and about with Lily now and meeting some mums and i feel so much better for it. I highly recommend going to any clubs you are told about, i thought theyd be awful but i'm enjoying it. Good Luck everyone x
  • Hope all you mums are feeling better today and that the daddies are pulling their weight. My husband really is great but even he thinks that maternity leave is like being on holiday. He always seems to come in when Lily is all settled and i'm watching TV - he misses the hours of constant boob feeding, crying (me and Lily) and me not even having a chance to wee sometimes! I was feeling a bit low now and then but ive started getting out and about with Lily now and meeting some mums and i feel so much better for it. I highly recommend going to any clubs you are told about, i thought theyd be awful but i'm enjoying it. Good Luck everyone x
  • Hope all you mums are feeling better today and that the daddies are pulling their weight. My husband really is great but even he thinks that maternity leave is like being on holiday. He always seems to come in when Lily is all settled and i'm watching TV - he misses the hours of constant boob feeding, crying (me and Lily) and me not even having a chance to wee sometimes! I was feeling a bit low now and then but ive started getting out and about with Lily now and meeting some mums and i feel so much better for it. I highly recommend going to any clubs you are told about, i thought theyd be awful but i'm enjoying it. Good Luck everyone x
  • Holly Im pretty sure I read an article on baby forum about drinking and bf saying you could have a few units and after 2 hours the alcohol is totally out your milk anyway so you dont have to dump it. Ive now been having a nice glass of wine with my dinner and a G&T at night (am on a diet lololol) I'll go have a look if I can find the topic anf let ya have a read of it xxx
  • Its on page 7 of the baby forum under alcohol and breast feeding image did you have a good time last night? Hows Ryan getting on?
  • thanks amy. will av a look at that. i did google it too but every result differs loads.
    yeh it was lovely to be me again but i missed ryan so wasnt out long.
    ryan is growing so fast. he seems so big to me now! he has the most beautiful smile and giggles lots!
    hows holly doing? isnt time flying by already! have u had ur 6 week check?
    xxx
  • Glad to hear you had a good time when you went out, I soooo know what you mean about missing them. My oh took Holly out for half an hour and I was climbing the walls lol
    How big is Ryan now? Holly was 11lbs 6 at her last weigh in a week ago. I cannot believe its 6 weeks today since I had her!!! What size clothes is Ryan in? Hollys in 0-3 and I dont think she will be in them for long, she seems to be growing so much every day. Her outfits stll have a fair bit of wear in them but not the sleep suits. Mind you I notice such a difference from place to place like tesco's vests are small, mothercares huge and nexts are a good fit lol have you found that?
    I had my check today and once again was dissapointed lol I was only asked what contraception I used and why I had a c section, she didn't check my scar or anything. They didn't weigh Holly just had a wee feel of her but then again maybe I just expect too much lol When is your 6 week check?
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