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feeling really low...

i'm sorry to post this on here bit i need to get it out of my head!!!

Mason has serious wind problems, just like fin did - i forgot how bad it all is especially of an evening/nightime he just doesnt settle for ages and ages... even then he will wake a bit later crying or hicups and then is sick or retching... i did wonder if he had the acid reflux like fin but hubby thinks i'm looking for signs and i suppose he is right!

i just dont know what to do really - think im thinking about it all too much.

he is 9 days old and i know they cant really be in routine as such but i want him to settle better...

last night hubby up till 3.30am with him then i took over only for him to throw up everywhere - i prob got to sleep at 5 fin then woke at 6!

he's been having bottle around 4.30/5ish but then very unsettled - tonight he cried and screamed etc until about 6.30 and then he woke at 7.15 crying for bottle - so gave him that and then he finally did one small burp but then as soon as a lay him down he cried, and got hicups and then was sicky... so had him on shoulder for ages and then lay him back down...

he is currently in basket on lounge floor next to sofa - and i have propped up the head end with cusion as thought may help with wind!

i am now going off to bed - hubby will stay up and what would be ideal is mason sleep until 11 then hubby give feed and then he settles and he can bring him up to bedroom and they both sleep... i can then do night feed and hope to god he settles till morning!

i just keep wanting to cry and hubby got busy week at work so i know its going to be long hard week... havent even got xmas decorations up as just dont seem to have any time at all...

sorry for this i just feel so overwelmed and feel i need some advice... any will be appreciated on how we could do bedtime? feed times? any tips really!!!

xxx
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Replies

  • ah charlotte i bet it is really trying, u must be shattered.
    have u tried gripe water or infacol to help with wind??

    its ok to cry, sometimes ya need a good cry.. u must be so busy with the two its ok to feel this way. i wud struggle too.

    hope ur ok and that u get some sleep xxx
  • Hey star, not really sure what to say except everytime you feel like this take a deep breath, remember you've been blessed and give them an extra hug.????
    It is hard when you bring them home but I'm sure in a few weeks mason will have settled. Don't worry about the decorations, if you can't get them up it doesn't matter, both kiddies are still young enough to not mind and if you really care perhaps you could get a friend over to help. I was really tempted by a pre-decorated pop up tree, that would be sooo easy for you (if you have a few extra pennies to buy one).
    Not sure what to suggest for the wind except infacol or maybe change the bottles you're using? And if you are worried just ask the mw or hv, no harm in checking. As for fin waking up so early- does he still have day time naps? Perhaps if you cut those out he'd sleep better and when he does, sod the hse, lie down with lo and have a rest yourself, it's still v early days and I'm sure you're doing great x????
    Ps: when are we going to see a picture of your gorgeous boys?????
  • Sounds very similair to Philip at about the same time, even though i was bf and kept getting told he couldn't have colic as bf babies don't get it he did! I tried infacol and various other things including gripe water when he hit 4 weeks but the only thing that worked for him was colief drops, bit of a faf you have to put them in the milk then leave it for half hour but it worked a treat for him, even managed to get them on prescription as they are ??10 a bottle! Only other thing i'd suggest is try tt closer to nature bottles if you aren't already using them, once i went on to mix of bottle & breast the avent ones made him lots worse.

    It is still early days for routine but understand how you feel, i struggled majorly as i am a routine person and with the step kids to deal with too really needed Philip to sleep better to enable me to function. In the end we got this system going where i would feed him about 9pm then go to bed, oh would stay downstairs with him until he woke, talk to him and stuff for as long as he could then bring him up to me for a last feed about midnight, he would then go until about 5am before wanting more. I remember that by 5weeks he was sleeping midnight till 6.30 and by 7weeks he was going 10.30 - 6.30 although i bet 7 weeks seems an age away at the mo! Also which milk are you using? Philip settled straight on Aptimal when i went to bottles but no my sil struggled 1st one had farleys and was fine but the 2nd one wasn't good on it and she tried quite a few before settling on sma, could be the milk?

    As for decorations, don't stress about them, Fin is still too young to really understand what they are about and they are just dust traps (my excuse for not putting too many up, lol!) would suggest same as w4b and see if a friend could come and help you put the tree up.

    Don't be sorry about posting on here, we've all been there (well with one baby at least!) and are all able to empathise with how you feel, hope things improve for you all soon x
  • Oh hun, massive hugs coming your way, it is ok to feel like this. Lack os sleep makes you feel awful but as the others say it will get better.
    Don't assume just because Fin was such a bad sleeper that Mason will be the same for as long. He may hit 12 weeks and be sleeping through!
    I had 4 days in hospital with Jacob when I had him which meant I could get a bit of a break sleep wise asthe midwifes would take him when I really needed some skeep. Then I had my Mum over for two weeks and then hubby was on school holidays soI had a lot of help, especially with Brendan in the early days.

    What milk are you giving him? May be worth trying something different, I started Jacob on Hipp but he wasn't very settled on it so when we came back to the UK (because of my Dad) when he was 5 weeks old I tried him on C&G hungry baby milk and he was much better on that.
    We started a very basic routine in the early days with Jaocb where we would bath Brendan and Jacob together at 6:30-7pm and then give Jacob a bottle straight after. He normally fell asleep with that bottle and would sleep until about 10pm when I would give him another bottle. Usually he would go back to sleep after being winded but be waking every 2 to 3 hours for a bottle throughout the night. If he was unsettled in the night we used to put him in his vibrating bouncer next to the bed as he would either sit happily in that or gradually fall back to sleep.
    We use tt closer to nature bottles too.
    Could you see if your Mum could look after him for a morning or afternoon this weekend so you can catch up on some sleep? I am sure babies pick up on how we are feeling so if you are tired and stressed it may not be helping him settle.

    Don't worry at all about the decorations, we haven't put any up yet either. I normally do it the weekend before Christmas to make it more specialas I don't like having them up for weeks. We have the MIL coming on Wednesday until Sunday so I'm not sure I will even get chance to do them at the weekend, may be Monday or Tuesday! It really isn't the end of the world though and should be a fun thing to do not something to be stressing about.

    We found with Bren that he slept a lot better if the head end of his moses basket was up a little. He also slept better on his tummy which I know is not a great idea but I got a baby sensor to put my mind at rest as I was so desperate for him to sleep!

    I also think it is a lot worse at this time of year having to be up in the night with a baby.Jacob was obviously a summer baby so over here it doesn't get properly dark so it was always bright outside which made it seem not so bad. Now I struggle more because even if you get up at 7am it is pitch black outside and doesn't get properly light until about 8:30am.

    The shift system with hubby sounds good, my hubby is pretty pants at this sort of thing so I have had to do all the night feeds myself for both Bren and Jacob. I do get the odd lie in on a Saturday though if I can persaude him to get up with the boys!

    Anyway, aside from all my waffle, you are doing a fab job. Sleep deprivation is bloomin awful but it will get better. Come on here for a moan as often as you need to. Just wish I was nearer so I could come and keep an eye on him while you got some kip! xxx
  • Oh poor you, big hugs. I rememeber how hard it was iwth cole not sleeping in the first couple of weeks - never mind having another lo to look after.

    like everyone else has said - have you thought about gripe water or infacol or something, or changing milk? We always used aptamil with cole an dhewas fine with that.

    Big hugs... dont worry about xmas decorations -w e haven't had decent ones for the last 2 years lol..this year is the first time we've got the big tree out! Things will get easier - if I lived nearer I'd take fin off your hands for a bit so you could get some kip.

    it will get easier and we are all here to listen when you need a rant

    big hugs, got to run..visitors here

    xxx
  • Just wanted to send you a BIG HUG.

    Will say the same as everyone else try changing the milk / bottles. Beg friends / family for help. Oakley had terrible colic could never understand what people were on about til I had him. Try and get out in the fresh air being in all day and night does nothing for you.

    El x
  • thanks everyone but i'm feeling worse today after an awful night and hubby gone to work tired and fed up which doesnt help!

    mason didnt settle for hubby after 10.30 feed until 12.30/1 - then he brought him up at 1.30 with a bottle as we knew he would wake not long after - he more or less woke straight up so hubby hadnt had chance to get off to sleep when i was feeding and trying to wind - which he doesnt and i get stressed cause then i try laying him down and he cries, screams etc... this went on till 3.45ish when he finally went off but then woke at jus after 4 wanting feed and so i fed him and tried to wind and lay down again didnt work - finally just lay him in bed with me until calm till well gone 5am and then managed to put him down... i then struggled to get off as was semi waitin for him to kick off again and then at 6.30 fin was awake for day!

    what i dont get is he can sleep as he has been asleep now since 9 - midwife said not to wake as he will wake when hungry but then i think he's getting chunks of sleep in day....

    what to do???????????

  • only to repeat what has already been said - propping the end of the moses basket up so its sloping and infacol worked well with my 2. also maybe if you are up rocking him use a baby sling/carrier to make it less exhausting for you. and the fresh air thing. being really cold and dark out doesn't help at all but a walk in the pram or a drive in the car might help settle him. the fresh air may also help fin have a good nights sleep (well a bit of a lie in anyway.)
    we had an awful few weeks with noah and we thought it would never end but it does get better. take really good care of yourself, sleep whenever you can, sod the housework. my house was a slum for months - even when the worse of it was over i still couldn't find the energy to get my house anywhere near tidy.
    big hugs x
  • So sorry you're having a rough time - there is nothing worse than feeling so tired you don't know what to do with yourself.

    Firstly, is there any chance you can sleep when Mason does? I know its difficult when there is another little one around but when I was shattered I used to put Ophelia in the buggy and put her fave dvd on - I told the hv thinking she'd be horrified but she just told me to do whatever it takes to get some sleep. I was also a bad mummy as when any of mine were tiny and they couldn't sleep I used to prop myself up in bed or in a chair and doze while I was holding them - I know it's not getting them into a routine but at least we were all getting some peace. (not that hubby ever woke up to him anyway - like Liz my hubby didn't do any feeding/changing at all during the evening/night).

    Sorry I'm waffling and it's not really dealing with how to settle Mason. Try and grab sleep whenever you can - even if it means going to bed at the same time as Fin while hubby takes over for a bit - I know it means you don't get any time to yourself but it might be enough now and again to recharge your batteries.

    Remember you are mother to 2 children - that isn't easy especially when one of them is so tiny but it does it get easier and Mason will start to sleep.

    Lots a love and hugs coming your way xx
  • So sorry you had another bad night hun. When you say he isn't settling is he crying all the time or is it just when you try and put him down he cries?

    I really recommend getting a baby swing if you haven't got one, we have the Fisher Price Aquarium swing which will go side to side or front to back. I still use it on the odd occassion now when I can't get Jacob to sleep, it at the very leats gives my arms a break! Plus it has music which can help sooth them to sleep. I recommend getting a second hand one as they are so much cheaper!!

    Also have you got a baby bjorn type carrier? I used to use this with Brendan when he was colicky and he would fall asleep in it.

    Have you tried putting him on his tummy to sleep? I know they say you shouldn't but you can always turn him on his side once he is properly asleep.

    I agree about trying to get out for a walk with him too, it may make you feel a bit better to get some fresh air and may also help him sleep.
    I wouldn't worry too much about him sleeping lots during the day as newborns should be asleep most of the time. It is hard to do much with them as obviously the seey so little!

    If you are concerned then go back to your GP/ HV and see if they can give any good advice.
    What formula are you giving/bottles are you using? May be worth trying a different one. I had Brendan on SMA Gold at first and he was awful on it, he cried loads and got really constipated. I changed him to Hipp and he was loads better on that. I've been shipping C&G hungry baby out for Jacob as you can't buy it here!!

    One day at a time hun, it will get better, and it will be so much easier in a few months when he is watching Fin and they are making each other giggle. Bren is lovely with Jacob now, he brings him toys, puts his dummy back in, and does silly dance to make him laugh!

    Fingers firmly crossed you get a better night tonight xxxx
  • Bless ya chick. Wish I was closer to give you a hand. Tesco Direct are doing a colic cushion, which may be worth a look in to. You lie Lo on it on their tummy and is has gentle vibrating massage type effect... Just a thought!! Big hugs XXX
  • I've come back on as I thought of more to say. One of which was the swing Liz has just said wish I had got one for Oakley.

    After 2 and half weeks of NO sleep And dozing off while rocking little on a chair/sofa/bed. MIL said it's colic, put him on his tummy. Explained the advice today, but she answered all 3 of mine did, they said don't put them on their back they'll choke. We did it and it wasn't perfect but was SO much better.

    Or another Mummy friend put her ds in his car seat to sleep as he slept better when up right.

    It sounds like he is in the wrong pattern, as LO was for wks. Sleeping nearly all day and up all night. I blame this on morning births. Oakley was born at 4.44am slept nearly the whole day through being passed around visitors and then awake all night. Whereas my dd was born at 4.52pm and slept all night awake the next day. Mason was born in the morning wasn't he.

    Saying that trying to keep a baby awake is a hard thing. Have a photo of lo asleep in the bath!!! Try rubbing ears, feet to stop them sleeping. If I think of any more will post.
  • Ah honey, have only just seen this. Sorry youre struggling. Big hugs coming to you xxx
    Remember youre going to feel down at this point too, so although you might be feeling overwhelmed and terrible at the moment give it a week and fingers crossed you will be feeling a little better. (Despite the no sleep poor thing)
    Elijah had terrible colic and it was so stressful and upsetting. Infacol did not work, but Colief DID-it was great. Also we were bottle feeding and had to eventually change elijah to the C&G comfort milk which also helped him to settle. Its thicker than normal milk so doesnt give as many air bubbles. Also tried doctor browns bottles but didnt really work!! Another thing that helped massively was his vibrating bouncer chair-it was a life saver! This comforted him everytime he was in pain and lulled him to sleep at night so we could then put him in his cot. If you can afford one, i would as i dont know what i wouldve done without ours! It was around ??20 from argos, dark blue. Lots of love hun xxxxxxxxxx
  • how you doing Star? how is Mason's colic/wind? hope he (AND YOU) are managing to get some sleep, big hugs and best wishes xxx
  • Sorry it's tough...but it will get better!
    When Gracie wouldn't settle at night I had her sleeping on my chest, so she was on her stomach and she slept brilliantly between feeds. I worked out at 3 weeks she had reflux, and researched it. Babies with reflux don't like lying on their backs! So after going to docs, I got baby gaviscon at 6 weeks.
    She was much better on that and when I swapped fully to Dr Browns bottles and special reflux milk.
    Please see the doc and see what they say. x
  • hello everyone - things still bad and to top it all off things with hubby are very stressful surrounding mason as he's finding it all very hard work - and its like he can't really be bothered with him. the min he stirs in basket i can see hubby tense up as if oh great he's awake........... to be fair i feel a bit the same which sounds awful but i think cause i just know he'll have a feed then i will sped hours trying to wind him and he will be crying and then i feel so stressed!

    fin slept on front as only way settled but he was tad bit older whern i resorted to that! also i am putting mason on side to sleep as just seems more comfy... fin had reflux and was on gavisgon and hv said that if colief doesnt work she could ask for gavisgon fro docs to try!

    we have a baby swing and bouncer that also vibrates but he's not that keen - fin loved his swing and hated bouncer........i think part of prob is when his wind sets in you can see hi cramping up and his tummy obviously kills and nothing helps!

    when i say he doesnt settle at night -for example he may have feed around 7-8ish all over place a bit at mo... then he may go off from that feed but some nights doesnt settle down either us holding him or in basket etc... he has somethimes just been awake and ok but then most times he is crying and cramping up... then hubby feeds him about 10.30/11 when he wakes and nearly every night he then cries, winges, cramps up etc until about 1am... by then he is on the verge of loosing it and i wake hearing hubby getting very stressed and mason crying so i come down and take over as hubby is very angry (this is awful cause its meaning he is very stressed out with mason and not bonding) then it takes me usually till 2am to settle or another bottle which then he has but then takes hour and half of more to get him asleep after that... he basically takes so long to bring up wind and somegtimes wont so hes in pain and then he wont go sleep if try cries etc.... then if get him to sleep he will that would be about 3.30 then he wakes at 4 wanting bottle, then takes again till 5 at least to settle then aake again 6 or before with wind etc.................. its just endless and seems like each botttle merges into next if you get me...............!

    how can i get him sleeping longer at night???
    also at 2 weeks what should i do as of evening night with him????????????????

    help i think i may have break down!

    xxx
    whats basically happening is the following:

  • Oh hun, I really feel for you...my first was exactly the same and only thing that soothes him was more food, he was constantly on my very achey boobs!
    I remember doing this with Gracie...walking up and down the stairs sort of bouncing and that really got her wind up, or just walking round the house boinging up and down...daft but effective!
    He is still very young and mine weren't in any routine till probably 6-10 weeks so I would just feed him as he wants yet...or try to feed him up during the day by reducing the time between feeds, then he hopefully goes longer thru the night. Cluster feeds helped my younger two sleep thru much quicker than ds1. Wish I'd have done it with him, but I didn't know about it!
    Hope someone else has some advice for you x
  • This is going to be really hard to explain but my sil showed me a way to get wind up because philip was awful to wind, we call is the snakey snake dance! Basically sit mason on your knee sideways on to you, put your hand under the bib (just in case!!) and cup his chin in the bit between your thumb and forefinger, so you are supporting his head, other hand on his back then gently move his head/upper body side to side, like a snake being charmed out of their basket, worked with philip but like i say it's hard to explain it in writing! Have you tried baby massage? did a course with Philip and they showed us some ways to relieve colic, can't remember all of them but one was to "walk" your fore and middle finger around babies belly button, must be in a clockwise direction, in a circle.
    Just remembered another winding trick, although think Philip was about 6 weeks before i tried it, you sit in chair and lean back slightly, lay lo on your legs, head on your knees, put hands behind his shoulders supporting his head/neck and gently raise his top half up and down again.

    And another one! They are all coming flooding back now! Lie lo down and gently bend him by lifting legs up, as if doing stomach crunches, wind comes out one way or the other!

    Are you swaddling him at night? found Phlip would sleep better swaddled than not so didn't swaddle in the day, just at night, even at 6 weeks we were still half swaddling him (wrapping his bottom half) then he went into sleeping bag as he was heavy enough.

    I really hope things improve for you soon, its hard enough with one but with an older chlid too its no wonder you are shattered. Can oh get any paternity leave to stay home to help for a few days, give you both some bonding time?

  • Hi hun,

    Pootle has come up with some good winding techniques, we used quite a few with Brendan as he could take over an hour to wind after a bottle. Like Ali said in the early days the only way we could get him to sleep was on our chest with his tummy down and us half sitting up in bed!

    Another one which I know is a big no no but have you tried putting him in bed with you? Jacob starts off in his cot but usually by 1am he is in bed with us, I think mainly because the house starts to get cold at this time and also because he likes being close to us.

    If his wind is that bad it really may be worth changing milk or bottles. Don't be afraid to go back to your HV or see your GP about this either as it does sound particularly bad.

    I'm not surprised you and hubby are struggling, you're both sleep deprived as well as deprived of having any quality time together at the moment. Is there any way your Mum could have Mason one night say from 5pm until 11pm so you and hubby can have a meal together with Fin, get him to bed and then either get some sleep or at least have a bit of an evening together. Maybe offer some encouragement to your hubby too, men don't seem to talk to their mates about things they are struggling with so maybe he is feeling a bit lost with it all.
    Main thing to keep teling yourself is it will get better, and once you start to get smiles and giggles from Mason it will all be worthwhile. xxxx
  • I'm so sorry to hear things are this bad - I would definitely try some of the winding techniques mentioned (anything is worth a go hey!) and I would also try him on his tummy - max was hideous at nights and we often resorted to on his tummy even quite early on BUT it is a risk and you have to weigh it up for you guys!

    I would also try the gaviscon if it is offered - you just never no as reflux affects them all so differently.

    Have you got any kind of bedtime routine??? I know Pootle mentioned Massage I would DEFINITELY suggest this too - we used to do massage bath and then milk and bed even if he was up a couple of hours later for a feed. Don't do massage within an hour off him having milk though. THe tummy techniques are really helpful for wind though - I am sure a quick google could bring you up a pictorial guide to some tummy massage - only clockwise though is the key to remember!

    Fingers crossed and remeber it WILL get better! image
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