Should I be worried?

mamapink · Sep 16, 2009 3:36PM

Hi,

As you know Brendan started Barnehage about 3 weeks ago and was totally fine at first, didn't bat an eyelid when I left. Then last week hubby dropped him off there and Bren got really upset when hubby went to go and clung onto his leg apparantly! Very very unlike him! The nursery assistant had to pick him up so he didn't try and run after hubby and apparantly he stood looking out of the window shouting Dadda as hubby went! We called the nursery about half an hour later and apparantly he had been fine within minutes of hubby going and was happily playing. I thought it was probably because he isn't used to going off somewhere with just Daddy and was disapointed that he wasn't having 1:1 time with Daddy but the next day when I dropped him off he did the same to me! I took his coat off and he clung onto it refusing to let it go! I'm sure it is nothing to worry about as it sounds like he is having a nice time after he gets over the initial upset of us leaving him but at the same time I can't help but feel a bit worried! ;\)
He seems happy enough when we go to get him but ready to go home too. I'm wondering whether it is because he only goes for two days a week? Do you think he would be more settled if he went for 3 or more days a week?

Any advice or feedback would be welcome so I don't feel like a bad mummy everytime I drop him off! x

Jolli · Sep 9, 2009 3:17PM

don't worry - the first couple of weeks zach went to childminder he was fine (only a couple of days a week) but then because he knew what was coming he would cry. I am sure Bren will settle into a routine soon. It might take a bit longer because its spread out. (if you see what i mean) if he went every day it would take him a few sessions to get settled, but it would seem quicker because 5 days would be in 1 week whereas 5 days for you is spread over a few weeks. i'm not sure if that makes any sense at all.
it used to break my heart to leave him.
Its reassuring he was ok as soon as your hubby went as if your hubby had delayed leaving it may have given Brendan a chance to get more upset and then it may have taken him longer to settle. When zach got upset he cried on and off ALL DAY but she took a photo of him eating his lunch where he was grinning at her so i knew he was starting to get settled. I also appreciated her telling me the truth that he was really upset because then when she said he was fine and didn't cry at all i knew he was really fine.
I would leave it until he's got used to going and knows he spends a couple of days there and the rest of the time at home - he'll soon get to the point where he's sitting at the door or chasing you with his shoes because he's so desperate to go. Both my children have done this so i guess they prefer being at the childminder! it does get easier! Do you know any of the other mums? zach went through a stage of crying and so on at pre-school and for him it was a stage and 'put on' but it was reassuring to leave him screaming and having a fit and then 2 minutes later the other mums were coming up and saying you know he was fine the minute you'd gone!
are you working at the moment? if he's not ready you can leave it til he's a bit older but it sounds to me like he's doing ok. let us know how he gets on next time xx

alioli123 · Sep 9, 2009 4:07PM

Like Jules said, it does get better and easier...then you go on hols and it starts again! Gracie went to our ch/m Mon and Tues for first time in 7weeks and was fine Mon, cried Tues! But I know she stops after about 30seconds! I think they all have separation issues more than once when young, but the benefits of having them out with other chn outweighs the odd upset here and there. And I know Gracie loves it at the ch/m. Perhaps Bren did that cos his daddy dropped him off and it was different for him...then just remembered the next day when you took him. I think all mine have cried at being left at either the ch/m or nursery, it's the law! Try not to worry too much x

-kia- · Sep 10, 2009 2:14PM

Oh it definately gets easier - but they still have off days. cOle is teething and he was clinging to me today when it came to time for me to leave him. He was fine after I'd gone though.

Don't feel bad at all - I think that lo's have a great time at nursery in a different environment with others to play with. There is a little boy at cole's nrusery that will never say bye to his mummy but always says bye mummy to me when i say bye to cole. Cole of course usually ignores me!

Star11 · Sep 13, 2009 4:35AM

oh sweetie it is hard and at this age they are very aware... when i first started leaving fin at 10 months he didnt realise and never had any problems then he was very settled at cm... but now gone to new one and he's bit unsettled he screams and sobs when i leave... first 2 weeks he was fine and ran off to find toys but now its awful i have to prize him out of car and he even tries to strap himself back in and then i just have to hand him to jo the cm and leave... she said he is totally fin within mins and i do believe that and when i get him he gives me big cuddles but wants to stay...!

fin only goes 2 days and will drop to a day end of oct whilst im on mat leave!

mamapink · Sep 14, 2009 2:39AM

Thanks ladies, that has made me feel a lot better! We got a newsletter from the nursery too which says what the children have been doing and has some photos of them and there are a few pictures of Brendan doing things like eating his lunch, playing with shapes with other children etc so that has made me feel better too.

I've been left a fair bit of money from my Dad my to my surprise so once that comes through (after the bloomin inheretance tax gets sorted) we are going to increase Brens days at the barnehage to 4 as I think that will help him settle plus he is getting more from being there than being at home with me.

Thanks again for all your wonderful advice, you've put my mind at rest as always! xx

Star11 · Sep 14, 2009 12:53PM

it's so nice to see isnt it... the childminder fin goes to has a folder and you can ask to see it and it has photos, drawings etc!

what hours does bren go???

i'm slightly concerned as fin will be dropping from 2 days to 1 whilst im on leave and wont go back up to 2 until he's 2years 8 months so will prob be even harder to leave! at age of 3 he gets his 5 free sessions at pre-school but as cm will have to take and pick up on her days and in holidays will still have him soesnt save me any money!!!

xxx

mamapink · Sep 14, 2009 4:51PM

Bren is at the nursery from about 8am until about 4pm so it is quite a long day for him. Hubby takes him on the way to work or I take him after I have dropped hubby off for the bus, then he is either collected by hubby on his way back from work or by me on the way to get hubby from bus!

Try not to worry too much about Fin dropping some days, I am actually finding it pretty good having Bren at home as now Jacob is becoming more aware of things Brendan is actually pretty good at entertaining him! I can see that in a few months they are going to entertain each other pretty well which will mean a massive break for me lol! x

Star11 · Sep 16, 2009 3:36PM

i'm sure it will be fine and it will be nice to let him have a good play and i can have tad bit of time with baby also do bits and bobs that will be hard with 2! also was talking to mum last night and she confirmed that she would hate not having fin on a friday as she looks forward to it and is used to it... so thats good she could always have him for half day or have baby and i do something with fin for a morning which would be lovely! also my brother is at home and is about every fri afternoon and fin is totally obsessed with him - he loves him to death and does not care about anyone but him (very cute) so he has said he'll have him for afternoon and basically play with him which sounds awful but i doubt i'll have much time to do as he's so energetic!

xx

Should I be worried?

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