🚨 Advance warning 🚨 This forum will be closing on 1st May – please see our pinned thread for more information.
Tantrums and my oh!!!!! maybe long!!
I know that tantrus are all part of growing up and a way of expressing themselves, but seriously they seem to be for no reason at the moment!! Floyd will throw himself on the floor kicking and screaming for no particular reason it is driving me mad! Not only that but i dont like the way my oh deals with it....he will tell Floyd to be quiet or shout at him and if i ask him not to then he gets stressy with me....
An example of what happens....The other night we had friends over and i was about to bath Floyd and i asked him to come upstairs, because there were people here he didnt want to and had a tantrum, so i just continued to ask him to come upstairs calmly ignoring the fact that he was screaming then i picked him up and carried him upstairs... oh then piped in and told me not to play into it (which in my opinion i wasn't) He will say this everytime im dealing with it!!! he then continued to shout from the kitchen at floyd telling him to shut up making all the noise as it was not needed bla bla bla etc lol i personally think by him reacting in the way he does to the tantrums he is playing in to it and floyd will no that he will get a reaction! It really frustraits me when i try and talk to oh about the way he deals with it he then get defensive and tels me not to tell him what to do (basically has a tantrum himself which at the age of 28 he should have grown out of them)
Anyway everytime oh asks floyd to do something he will start crying and get really upset even if he is asking nicely and i think its because everytime he asks he thinks he's being told off i dont like seeing him upset so will give him a hug to calm him down then again oh gets shirty as he thinks floyd is doing it for attention and that by me comforting him is making oh out to be the bad guy....which i am not at all!!! Also as there is a new baby in the house Floyd is obviously going to be a little bit confused as to what is going on although he loves the baby and wont stop kissing and hugging him he obviously is still too young to understand why there is someone else getting attention too!!!
I dont know how to deal with either the tantrums or oh as whatever i do is wrong and i dont want oh to feel as if im telling him off when i try to talk to him about it....does anyone else have this problem??
I feel that ignoring the tantrums and not getting wound up by them is the right way to deal with it!!??
Sorry to go on but i dont no what to do, or if what im doing is right!!!![:\](https://forum.madeformums.com/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
?
xxx
An example of what happens....The other night we had friends over and i was about to bath Floyd and i asked him to come upstairs, because there were people here he didnt want to and had a tantrum, so i just continued to ask him to come upstairs calmly ignoring the fact that he was screaming then i picked him up and carried him upstairs... oh then piped in and told me not to play into it (which in my opinion i wasn't) He will say this everytime im dealing with it!!! he then continued to shout from the kitchen at floyd telling him to shut up making all the noise as it was not needed bla bla bla etc lol i personally think by him reacting in the way he does to the tantrums he is playing in to it and floyd will no that he will get a reaction! It really frustraits me when i try and talk to oh about the way he deals with it he then get defensive and tels me not to tell him what to do (basically has a tantrum himself which at the age of 28 he should have grown out of them)
Anyway everytime oh asks floyd to do something he will start crying and get really upset even if he is asking nicely and i think its because everytime he asks he thinks he's being told off i dont like seeing him upset so will give him a hug to calm him down then again oh gets shirty as he thinks floyd is doing it for attention and that by me comforting him is making oh out to be the bad guy....which i am not at all!!! Also as there is a new baby in the house Floyd is obviously going to be a little bit confused as to what is going on although he loves the baby and wont stop kissing and hugging him he obviously is still too young to understand why there is someone else getting attention too!!!
I dont know how to deal with either the tantrums or oh as whatever i do is wrong and i dont want oh to feel as if im telling him off when i try to talk to him about it....does anyone else have this problem??
I feel that ignoring the tantrums and not getting wound up by them is the right way to deal with it!!??
Sorry to go on but i dont no what to do, or if what im doing is right!!!
?xxx
0
Replies
I agree with you and the way you say you are handling things, I dont think you are playing into the behaviour, but are trying to ignore it and distract Floyd, which is how I try to deal with Elijah too when he does this.
I think the key is to try and get oh to understand that Floyd cant rationalize why he is behaving like this, as it is simply a stage he has to go through. Although it can be really frustrating and you dont always know what to do, as you said there doesnt seem to be a reason for the tantrums. He is probably feeling confused about new arrival aswell, it must be a bit of a shock for lo's to have to suddenly adjust to sharing both time and space with another person. Could you try and pick an evening when kids are in bed and a day when things have gone well when oh may be more open to talking about things, and try and say to him that Floyd doesnt know another way of expressing himself. You could also say that all the other lo's on babyexpert are going through the same thing, so that he knows its normal. I think you are doing the right thing,
Hope thats of some help, but am here to chat if you need to xxx
I think that because I'm at home with Henry all the time and have to deal with 10 hours more of potential tantrums on my own than hubby I have to deal with them in a different way!
I have been able to find a way of dealing with the tantrums when we're out or at home and I'm on my own with an armful of shopping and a 7 month bump because I have to. Whereas hubby rarely goes out alone with Henry and if he does it's not to do anything stressful. I reckon they think telling him to shut up probably worked once and therefore is a perfectly good way of dealing with the tantrums!!!
I always just leave Henry as soon as he goes wild on the floor and it soon dies down and keep my voice as calm as possible. I do cuddle him towards the end when he's calming down and I do 'give in' to him sometimes when I know it will make my life easier.
I get really mad when oh calls him a brat though as compared to a lot of the kids at toddler groups etc Henry is really well behaved he's just very independant so gets frustrated easily when he can't do something!
I also do pick him up a lot which I know I shouldn't and carry him up to his room which up 2 flights of stairs but I feel bad that all of a sudden I can't carry him or explain why!!
As Henry was ill with stomach bug twice in a few months he's become really clingy of me and wont go to hubby if he hurts himself or is upset if I'm there and I'm hoping this will change as the baby gets nearer, which would obviously be helped by a less confrontational method of dealing with tantrums. Hubby's way does work but it always escalates more quickly and seems to cause more upset!
But like I said, if he was at home with him all the time and I wasn't we'd probably do it each others way - perhaps your oh will deal with it in a manner more like yours of his 'own' accord now if he's alone with him and will realise how much more quicker and easier it makes the tantrum!
Good luck!!
xx
i have to say hubby would go mad if i tried to say about his dealing with fin, but in a good way at the moment we do more or less do the same and fin isn't more clingy to either of us - i;m so glad about!!!
he went throught stage of tantrums and like some of the others said i think it's cause he is soooo inependant and then if i stop him doing something it kicks off but i either ignore or disctract and it usually works and then i give him cuddle and kiss when he's calm again! i know when the baby comes along we may be in for it and i just hope i can keep calm and not rise to it...
i would say that carry on dealing with him how you are; and just be constant or change how you deal with it as he will learn quicker its a waist of time...
im not sure the best way to say to oh - as i'm sure whateve you say he'll get difensive and say your too soft or something!
you could say that since baby cae along youve noticed he's had more tantrums and so you posted on baby expert for advice and everyone has said that sticking together and not shouting by distracting etc is the best way and see what he says xx
However I also think when you say oh asks floyd to do something nicely and he gets upset you should try and restrain yourself from hugging him and let oh do it, just so floyd understands daddy is being nice and loves him and so that oh understands youre not good cop / bad cop,
it's so hard and I'd imagine adjusting to a new baby brother probably has quite a bit to do with it, he's checking there's still room for him lol!
Have to say my oh doesn't like being told he's dealing with things wrongly either and we both have to learn to back down occassionally but he definitely has a shorter fuse than me but when I explain how if oh couldn't speak he'd find it frustrating not being understood it helped a lot. Also helped when his folks saw him in action and gave him a good telling off themselves too lol - sometimes and very rarely ils have their uses
good luck