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Update on op... Help needed please

Hi... as some of you may remember I am due to have a hysterectomy in 3 weeks time, however I'm getting really stressed about it and I think I'm going to cancel. Bryn is so cuddly at the moment and the thought of not being able to pick him up upsets me. I was putting the buggy in the boot of the car and it dawned on me that after 3 weeks I'd never do it again as I wouldn't be able to lift it and by the time I might be able to Bryn will have grown out of it. I know that sounds silly but I'm obviously not going to have any more children and I enjoy taking him for a walk. Dave has asked some of his female friends to come and sit with Bryn so he can go back to work earlier than expected - I hate the thought of this as I don't really know them and I get uncomfortable when there are people I don't know that well in my house (does that sound silly??).

However, Dave is making me feel guilty for changing my mind. :\( He says he's been doing loads of overtime so that he can afford to take 3 weeks unpaid off work but if he carries on at work then our tax credits will be messed up for next year. He's also said that his boss might not give me the job if I don't have the op as he knows how ill I can be. I'm starting to wonder whether he's actually worried about me or wanting me to have it because he can't cope with how I've been (it doesn't help that sex hurts and can hurt for up to 3 days after so I've been avoiding it like the plague - sorry tmi)

I'm about 80% sure I want to cancel but there's the other 20% that feels I should go ahead with it. :roll:

I've obviously got to make my mind up asap - what do you all think. :\?

xxx

Ps thank you if you've managed to read through all this x
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Replies

  • Quickie I'm afraid as I want to reply to a few posts before people come round and didn't want to r&r

    Firstly..hell no it doesn't sound silly that you aren't comfortable having people you don't knwo well in your house - I'm the same (well apart from the dyson repair guy..he had funky gadgets lol) - seriously though I was dead uncomfortable even the first few times the inlaws were in my house, and when my ex used to have his birthday party and invited people I didn't know well it did make me twitchy.

    Seriously though I think you'd be better off having the op - you've been poorly and although you'll suffer in the short term - once you've recovered you'll be much better. I can't remember how long the recovery time is but surely after 3 or 4 weeks you'll be able to be doing some stuff? Could you maybe post on baby/toddler ot see if anyone else has had it and what their recovery was like. I'm fairly sure at least mummystephe has hadit.

    Maybe you could take bryn for a nice walk somewhere special thats fun for you both just in case its a 'last walk in the buggy' so you'll have som efun memories.

    I'm sure Dave is worried about you and how ill you've been rather than anything else - can you talk to him about it at all?

    big hugs.. honestly really think you are better off having it but I can understand where you are coming from.. I think i'd be terrified if it was me - I had aminor op a few years back and I was a nervous wreck.

    Big hugs
    xxx
  • Em I hope you don't mind me being blunt but - have the op!!!! If you cancel you may have to wait quite some time to get in again, and then there may be something else that stops you.

    It is short term pain for long term gain, your health and well being is top priority at the moment and it is affecting both so needs to get sorted, if you didn't need it they wouldn't have referred you.

    Understand about wondering about not being able to walk with Bryn in the buggy, but think of the fun you can have with him walking by your side in the spring, with you all healed and well.

    Definate agree with the strange women in the house bit! Although he is right, you will need someone with you for at least the first few weeks, are any of your friends able to come and help you? This is the time we need the BE Village!

    Sorry if i've been too blunt, got a blunt head on me today. Extra big hugs flying down the M5 for you xxx

  • Hello, not sure if anyone will remember me as it's been so long since I have posted on here. I often read but never seem to find the time to reply!!

    I am a nurse although I've been off sick for nearly 6 months now with a bad back and it's becoming more and more likely that I will have to have surgery to fix it. So I guess I have 2 perspectives on your problem.

    The nurse in me says that if you have symptoms that require a hysterectomy then you should most definately go for it. I must admit, I don't know what symptoms you have and how much they impact on your life, but I can get an idea from your post. Your problems/illness don't just impact on you but your family too. For your partner sex must be qute a concern for him, it must be difficult for him knowing that it will cause you so much pain (although, being a man he will be prepared to over look that in times of need!!). It must also be so hard for you looking after your lo when you are ill. These things are probably not going to change unless you have the operation.

    However, the Mummy in me totally agrees with you about having your lo looked iafter by others. Not being able to do certain things with him etc.

    I think Kia has got it pretty right though, you've got to think of the long term. When I worked in Gynae (a fair few years ago now) the main recovery is 6 weeks, after that time you can start to do light things, so going for walks etc will be no problem, and as long as you are carefull when you lift the buggy and lo you should be ok. If you weigh that against the possibility of years of suffering on and off, I would definately go for the surgery.

    From my personal experience, I have a ruptured disc in my back and have spent 6 months suffering and having treatment, injections, tests etc. In all that time my biggest concern has been the impact on my little boy Ollie. At times my mobility and the pain have been so bad that I've not even been able to pick him up, and I feel so guilty for all the things he's had to miss out on because of my back. My poor husband has had to pick up the slack around the house and has had to have a fair bit of time off work. So if I have to have surgery (see consultant again on thurs to find out) I will be devastated about the length of time I will be in hospital and how little I will be able to do after, but I also know it will be for the greater good for us all in the long run.

    Hope you don't think I'm butting in at all. Ultimately it is your decision and you shouldn't do anything you're not happy with. You might want to talk to you're consultant again or a nurse from the gynae department where you are having the operation, they may be able to give you more advice. They should be happy to talk to you to help you make an informed decision.

    Good luck.
    Nicola. xx


  • just wanted to say i hope ur ok and i can only say that whatever u decide i hope u can be strong and have some good support around u. seems to be quite a difficult decision and one that needs to be made carefully.
    i no someone who has chosen to cancel her op for similar reasons as urs and is going to wait as long as it takes for another one, just for the sake of puttin it off and that suits her. u need to do wot suits u
    not much help i no just couldnt read and run xxx
  • Right, sorry I've taken a while to reply but I wanted to remind you of something:

    "I think I've pretty much decided to have it done sooner rather than later then I can get on with my life - just got to see whether dave will be able to get the time off work (shouldn't be a problem as winter is their 'slow' period)

    ????It is quite a major op but I can't go on like I have been.... Think my mind is made up ...????

    The reason I'm having to have it done is (and sorry if this is tmi) that I have cysts growing inwards from my womb and they are bleeding into the muscle - which is farily painful - my periods last anything up to 3 weeks and I can be floored completely for days each month. The condition can also cause depression amongst other things so hopefully I will feel a huge amount better afterwards.

    I had been wondering whether I was doing the right thing Liz ... until the last couple of days when I've been in so much pain I realise that I can't go on like this."

    you said all of that, I know as the day draws closer you get more anxious and nervous but you must try not to think of the problems it would cause immediately but of all the problems it would cause in the future. At the moment your little 'un is still too young to hold a lot of memories but in a few years he'll remember the lot. I'd agree about strange woman in your house but dave will be there at the beginning when you'll really need him. Perhaps you could suggest they come over before the op so you get a chance to know them (they cant be all bad for making such an offer)
    it is scarey and ultimately only you can make the decision, I just wanted to remind you how you felt a few weeks ago x
  • Hi,

    As the others have said it is totally normal to be nervous and have second thoughts about the Op the closer it gets. I also agree with them though that you really should have it done hun. I know it won't be a pleasant thing and it will be hard for a few weeks but then you will be so much better for it afterwards. It also means the Op won't be hanging over you to be done in the future.

    I understand about not wanting strange people in your house, if Dave has saved up enough to not have to work could you afford to send him to a childminder for a few days even?

    I think you should sit down with Dave and tell him how you are feeling, explain how you feel about having people over that you don't know and see if there is any way around it. Or as w4b suggests could they come over before the Op for lunch or something so you can get to know them and Bryn gets to know them too. You may even make some new friends out of it which is always a good thing.

    I know you must be feeling a bit scared about the Op, especially with no close friends or family around to give you support. Maybe go and talk to your GP/consultant about how you are feeling, they may be able to put your mind at rest a little.

    Big hugs hun xxx
  • I don't blame you for feeling the way you do but from an outside perspective I agree def go ahead.

    As for Dave I think while you are caught up in thinking about the op he is just trying to look at the big picture. It may not seem very sensitive but you have got to still worry about time off work, money, tax credits etc and you can't do that because you're too caught up and emotional thinking about the op and the affects it will have on you for the next month afterward.

    My mum had the op 6 yrs ago and she was up and about and nearly back to full fitness within a week and a half - but they didn't go in through her stomach which makes a difference. And a woman I work with had it doen 9 yrs ago - through the stomach. It did take her 6 wks to come back to work. But she was up and about just had to take things slow.
  • Hi. thank you all for taking the time to reply. It means alot to me.

    Nicola - of course I remember you - sorry you're having such a tough time - I think you're probably far worse off than I am and therefore the op will probably be essential.

    It's not the actual op that I'm worried about. The things that have been going through my mind mainly are:.......I've been told I wont be able to lift Bryn for at least 3 months if not more and even then I'll have to be careful - so how am I going to get him in the car if he's throwing a wobbly (which he does at the moment! :roll: ) or if we're out for a walk and throws a paddy will I be able to move him. My friend had the op 3 months ago and she's still not 100% and wouldn't even consider lifting Bryn. (he is no lightweight as some of you know! image ). We live in the middle of nowhere down some very small lanes so being able to get in the car is important - especially as I have to drive Fee to school.

    I take the point that Bryn won't be able to remember but he will in a year or so, but at the same time he's only this dependent on me for a very short period in time - I know how quickly they grow up and become very independent!

    I know having the op will get it out of the way but I should feel a whole lot better afterwards but it's not something that you can get over quickly (2 of my sisters have also had to have a hysterectomy and they have warned me about having it done).

    I'm speaking to the consultant today - he has offered me the mirena coil as a short term solution before so he might suggest that that I would be better off having that done for a while. Because of government targets I have to have the op within 13 weeks of a referral so I'm not worried about having to wait for it.

    I know it sounds like i've made my mind up but I haven't - you have all given me a lot to think about - thanks for that!!! image

    Thank you all again for taking the time to reply. Em xx
  • just lost my lengthy and rambling reply so will not repeat but let me know when the op is and i can come over for a day. i can book some time off. i can probably come over one day on the weekend too as i know dave often has to work weekends? know this doesn't help hugely with the whole 3 months thing but i've been promising to over over to you for ages and it would be lovely to see you!
  • Em, please...PLEASE!! Have the op. It's going to change your life in so many ways for the better. You don't know how your recovery is going to be, everyone is different. You might sail through it.
    Please chick.... Perleeeeeease!!! XXX
  • Big hugs Emma. Speak to the consultant, be honest with Dave, be honest with yourself. Can you cope with the pain any longer or will having the coil help? Weigh it up and we will all be here to support you xxxx
  • Thanks everyone - Jules you can come over any time (operation or not!!)... Lisa not quite clear on what you're saying there - do you want me to have the op or not??!! lol..... Bluey -I'm still waiting for the consultant to call me back. It should have been yesterday but I'm guessing he's busy. Thank you for your support - it's appreciated xx.
  • lol - will be over then emma - just got to find a day! you know how rubish i am!! good luck - hope the consultant gets back to you today !
  • Hi Emalenna.

    Have you heard from your consultant yet? How are you feeling?

    Hope you don't think I was trying to say I'm worse off than you or anything - Judging from the posts from the other girls, I really don't think I am.

    It sounds to me like you've been suffering for a while now. I really hope you get some sort of help soon, whether it be the op or the mirena coil. I think someone else has mentioned it, but try not to lt other people's experiences influence you too much everyone is different and recovery times etc will be different.

    I really feel for you, as I can totally understand all of your concerns. Missing anything from these precious early days of your lo's life is hard. You have a really tough decision to make.

    Thinking of you. Nicola. xx
  • Thank you all so much for your replies... I have had a really hard think about it and a chat with the consultant, with Dave and with family and friends (and that includes all of you) and.....

    ...I have made an appointment at the clinic to have a mirena coil fitted and postponed my operation. I'll see if the coil makes any difference but if after 6 months I'm still feeling rubbish then I can be referred straight back and will be put on the waiting list (which is a maximum of 13 weeks).

    Please don't think I've ignored everything you've said but in my heart of hearts I knew this wasn't the right time. I've coped with feeling like this for about 5+ years (not counting pregnancies) I can cope a little while longer and hopefully the coil will make a huge difference.

    I really do appreciate you all replying and you certainly gave me a lot to think about. You're a brilliant lot and you've been a great support. image

    Em xxxx

    Ps Nicola - I didn't think you were suggesting that at all - Hope you're ok and you get the treatment you need. x

    pps Jules - I'm as bad a you! :lol: x
  • Well done for coming to a decision, its really brave of you.
    I really do hope the mirena coil makes a difference and makes things alot easier for you. I totally understand your decision and you know yourself better than anyone, so im sure you chosen the right thing and im sure the op will happen at the right time for you too.
    lots of love xxx
  • Em

    After reading your second post I can really see why you have come to that decision...getting the coil will hopefully help and getting the op now was clearly a target thing with the hospital not them actually looking at you as a person and your particular needs. You have to be happy with the timing, so it seems like the best course of actions.
  • Sorry Em, I missed all this!
    I had the mirena coil fit 3 weeks ago for contraception purposes but the doc did say it helps with heavy painful periods so hope it works for you. It was only a bit more uncomfortable than a smear and I have had spotting or bleeding on and off since. I will prob be the unlucky ones who bleed for 6 months but I said to hubby if it's 2 months gone and I'm still bleeding, he's for the snip!!! One thing I have noticed for me is that my headaches I used to get when on have gone! Or rather I've had one headache in 3 weeks, whereas I used to have one lasting for days!
    Good luck and I hope it works, but if it doesn't, have the op!!! the advantages will far outweigh the short term disadvantages.
    Hugs to you x
  • Well done on making a solid decision honey! Hope the Mirena does the biz!! Big hugs XXX
  • sorry I've missed all this as not been online all week, but glad you've finally come to a decision you are happy with xxx
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