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Sleepless nights - where am i going wrong?help?!

I have been posting on the 'he slept through the night discussion' but feel that fed up today need some reassurance that other people are going through what i am and i'm not all on my lonesome!!!

Fin is 20 weeks old and never slept through the night without waking! Last week i thought i had a break through as i refussed to feed him at 4 and just tried to get him back off and it worked till 5.30 i did the same and he then woke at 7 for feed... i was sooo excited it then worked for two more nights then it all went wrong and has in some ways got worse!

Last night I was up more or less every half an hour from 3.30. I thought it may be wind waking him but i've got brain overload trying to work out whats going on!

I got up this morning feeling really rubbish and had a good cry - i still feel no better.

I always have this anxious feeling likesick in the pit of my stomach - i don't know where i'm going wrong!

He weighs 16lb 15.5oz is bottle fed on hungry baby formula, has 7oz bottles at 7ish, little bit more usually 8am, 12pm, 4pm, then started to have bottle at 6pm few oz as gets very grizzily, then 7.30pm dream feed 11pm he was having another at 4ish but trying to not give him this so takes more in day and not at night.... easier said than done!

He is a rubbish napper - had to have a sleep speialist health vis round as he was awake for 13 hours without shutting eyes i was at my wits end! she was no help said she was defeated but i must carry on trying! Anyway good old mum cae over one morning when i think she thought i wasa going to crack and sent me off to have a shower whilst she said she was going to put him down and get him to sleep after hoiurs of crying and patting, shhhhsing etc it worked i was sooo excited! slept for 45mins but to me that was a miracle!

Sincxe then i have continued to put him down about 1.5hours after waking he usually wakes 45mins but sometimes i get him back off for another 45mins.

So then thats it - he won't sleep in pushcahir or anything so as the day goes on he gets morew hard work! Health vis said he must have a morning and afternoon sleep - arrrggghh how!???

This is all a bit of a ramble but need to get it out of my head before i explode - i know i sound a bit dramatic but i really don't know what to do! In the middle of the night everything seems worse aswell!

So any advice would be lovely!!!! what techniques people have tried? hours there babies sleep and feed etc... also if it's wind from night bottles any advice?

xxxx

Replies

  • So sorry star11 (please tell us your real name that sounds silly lol). Mine isn't as bad as yours but he's not perfect either. He goes down at about 7.30 / 8.30 then he wakes to be feed at 1.00 / 1.30 and again at 4.00am - but I too am trying not to give in and make him wait til at least 6am. Sometimes he goes back to sleep but other times he squirms, wriggles and moans (normally without opening his eyes) in a kind of half asleep / half awake state. I really don't think I'm going 'wrong' I just think every baby is different my daufghter as a baby was a dream and I haven't done anything thing different. I have read so much on here and in books and have tried a million and one different things but none of them seem to work. So just to let you know you are not alone, not everyone's baby is going through the night and I too have had hours of him crying getting more and more worked up and there is just nothing I can do for the poor fella (Although there is something I can do for me - BIG glass of wine i the evening works!) I just hoping he's going to be an angel toddler and teenager to make up for it!

    I shall be watching this post to see if anyone comes up with anything I haven't thought of.

    El x
  • It's Charlotte, lo is Finlay! thank you for your post... thats what my friends say who have angel babies... ine will be a star todler... hehe
  • Hi charlotte, have you tried taking him out in the pushchair? Or in the car to get him to sleep then leave him in it during the day?! My lo is very hard to get to sleep in the house. Do ou have a nursing chair? The only way I can get Henry to sleep in the daytime is by rocking him whilst holding him in my nursing chair. He only started sleeping through at 14 weeks too so just hold out - I'm sure he'll get better soon enough! I also started to get Henry through the night by doing what you're doing and putting his dummy back in between 4 - 6 everytime he wakes up - he's on hungry baby milk as well so he shouldn't be hungry then and should be able to fall back to sleep easily if not crying for too long.

    Good luck! xx
  • Oh no poor you! I can't really help as Cole has always been an ok sleeper at night - its just daytime he's rubbish at napping without me taking him for a walk. Having said that though, he did grizzle himself to sleep a while ago!

    Just a few thoughts

    You said your lo is taking 7oz bottles.. is he ready to have 8oz instead? Or is he ready to have the next stage up teat? Cole has been really crap about finishing his bottles lately and I think he might be ready for the stage 3 teat cause he's been grumpy too so I think he might be getting bored drinking then hungry and grumpy.

    Do you have a good bedtime routine? We bath Cole, and have all the curtains shut, lights low and a last bottle in the quiet before he goes to bed. This used to work well for quietening him down but lately he's been stroppy when he gets out of the bath and he's needed a lot more settling at night.

    Are you getting him up for a feed as soon as he grizzles? We used to do that with Cole but then we started leaving him till he was properly crying because he was still mostly asleep. Now if he grizzles in the night, most of the time he stays asleep.

    Did you try dropping the dreamfeed? If not then maybe you should try dropping it. From the sounds of it things can't get any worse if you did.

    Do you take him to any baby groups or anything? I take Cole to a baby music group and he's usually knackered by the end of it even though he just sits on my knee..he's so busy nosying at the bigger kids! He either falls asleep just before the end or as we are leaving. How about swimming? Just thinking that a bit of physical activity like that might tire him out - or even taking him to the swing park. I took Cole this morning and he was so busy nosying at the little girl in the next swing. We weren't even out long (it started raining) and he was still awake when we got home but grizzled himself to sleep and is still asleep an hour later which is unheard of for a daytime nap!!

    Have you tried weaning him? I remember you posting about buying a highchair but can't remember if you'd started and yes I'm too lazy to look image I've heard people say that can help with sleeping through

    Is he wet when he wakes up? Could it be a wet nappy that wakes him through the night? Heavy wet nappies seem to wake Cole.

    Where is he sleeping? I've found that Cole is a lot better now he's in his cotbed in his own room - he had run out of room in his basket. Have you tried letting him sleep in the dark, sleep with a nightlight, music to try and put him to sleep. A while back there were a few December mummies talking about one of the winnie the pooh mobile and light t hingys. but I forget what its called.

    Have you tried offering water in the night? I'd read about babies waking just from habit and when they only get water it is meant to break them of the habit. I think its one of those things again that works for some babies and not others.

    You've probably tried all of this already but I hope something helps. If nothing else - is there someone who can take your lo out for a long walk to give you a chance to catch a nap or at least a quiet sanity break?
  • Thank you for taking the time to read my ramble and reply! He's in his own cot in his room , sleeps in a sleeping bag on belly as had silent acid relux. Have good bedtime routine, bath 7 with lavander bath wash, pjs, bottle bed usually 8! Have tried water in night found that once i'd picked him up he then fully woke up then when it wasn't milk couldn't get him back off... tried watered down milk so wasn't getting as many calaries in night therefore take more morning feed.. started rice weeks ago but didn't really take to it and didn't make any difference with him so stopped and thought i'd try again when back off holiday which is next week! been making 80z bottles up but won't take more - recently he is sooo distracted it's hard to get bottles in him, seem to have about 4oz then stop then have a bit more and sooo on!

    Hubby just got home - got excited as he's not been hom before 8 recently as self employed etc... and then he walked in not looking too good, he's done his back in!!! can hardly move and were at center parcs on monday - arrrgghhh!

    think tonight would be a good night to not dreamfeed as hubby can then get to bed as he stays up to do it! like you said it couldn't get much worse than last night!

    Just had a friend email who goes on mat leave next week so she has said that she can have him for a afternoon whilst i nap and she gets practice... also were meeting for lunch tomoz a few friends and she said she'll then take him off for bit whilst i can start packing for hol! bless her!

    i love my little fin to bits but i love him even more when he sleeps...heheheh!

    tried getting pic on but don't know how to resize so not working!
    xx
  • Hi Charlotte - poor you. My lo Sam has never slept through the night either. He wakes at least once, but he feeds and goes back down.

    You are doing everything you can, and I firmly believe like everyone has said all babies are different. I noticed a big difference once Sam started weaning, but he didn't like baby rice, so don't be put of if Finlay doesn't take the rice when you next try. I tried Sam on pureed Apple instead and he loved that.

    Go and have a nice holiday at center parcs - we love it there - We are booked but not till November I am very jealous!!!

    In regards to the pic - I didn't know how to do it either - I asked for helpand someone advised loading my photo to photobucket.com and you can then shrink it and copy it to this site. Sounds complicated, but was quite easy when I figured it out!!!
  • Hi Charlotte, really feel for you I know how awful you must feel being shattered all the time.
    I agree with everyone in terms of don't beat yourself up about it, every baby is different and the friends you have that have 'angel babies' may have little horrors next time lol!

    I have found that Bren actually sleeps better at night when he has slept more during the day. I know that sounds a bit backwards but it does seem to work. I do really have to watch for Brens signs that he is tired otherwise he gets passed it and turns into crying miserable baby! Usually he does a kind of whimper noise a few times, may rub his eyes, yawn, sometimes goes into a stare. I find then if I pick him up and put him on my shoulder and rub his back he starts to drift off to sleep so I can put him down.
    I used to put him down to sleep in his moses basket during the day in the living room, but more recently I have been putting him in his cot and drawing the curtains slightly. That way he seems to sleep for longer. He normally naps for about 40 minutes every 2 hours or so during the day, but I have started putting his dummy in and leaving him to fall back to sleep if I think he still looks tired. It doesn't always work, sometimes he is far too wriggly!
    Taking him out in the pushchair definately helps, as does just walking outside in the garden talking to him. Gives him something different to look at and some fresh air.

    Bren also doesn't really like the baby rice, he prefers the baby porridge or just pureed carrot. I have also given him pureed apple mixed with baby rice which he liked. If Fin is having so much milk I think he sounds ready for weaning so would definately be worth a go.
    Other thing is have you checked his gums for signs of teething? Bren has bad days where he doesn't eat so much and has his hands in his mouth all the time and if I put teething gel on it seems to calm him down. You can see the white tips at the front on his bottom gum.

    Does he still cry a lot now when he won't settle? If so it could be that he is overly tired, when Bren gets like this I go and sit in a dark room with him and just rub and pat his back until he finally goes to sleep. Is he bringing his wind up ok or could it be trapped wind causing problems?
    If he is crying a lot and you are worried then don't be afraid to see your GP there could be something connected with his reflux that is causing the sleeping problem?

    Finally one thing that I found helpful was to write everything down - what time he has his feeds and how much, when he gets upset, when he goes to sleep and how long for, when he has his bath etc. Do that for a few days and then you can see if there is any pattern that may help you to get him into a better routine.

    Let us know how you get on, I would def try and drop the dream feed tonight, it may be you are partially waking him when he is at his deepest part of sleep.

    Good luck! xxx
  • Hi Charlotte

    Your not alone with having a baby who is not sleeping through the night and hates day time naps.

    I haven't a lot to add to the advice everyone has already given. Like Liz says watching closely for the sleepy signs helps a lot and what I try to do a the first sign of them is parcel him up for a walk, I find if that trying to get him to have a nap after being awake 2 hours is easier than if he has been awake longer but it doesn't always work. I also have done as Liz has held him and stroked his back to help him sleep often stood by the washing machine as the noise of it calms his tired cries down. I count my self lucky if I get a 45 minute nap about 1 1/2 hours after waking for good in the morning and 2-3 other naps in the day adding up to between 2-3 1/2 hours. Also as kia says taking him to group where there is some activity helps as Marcus sleeps better on a Tuesday and Thursday when we do groups

    Jillycat
  • We had a tricky time with Ella a few weeks ago. She was grumpy and over time i realised she just needed more sleep but like your lo she's reluctant to nap during the day. Have you got a sling? The 'wearing down to sleep' method works well for some babies. I also found that holding Ella while bouncing on my bed would make her drop off quickly. In the morning I take her out for a walk and she sleeps for around 30 mins. In the afternoon she sleeps for 2 hours BUT I have to feed her down to sleep and stay in bed with her (not sure whether this would work with a bottle though!?). It doesn't really bother me as I sleep too, but it wouldn't suit other mums who have other kids to look after. Hope you find something that works. X
  • Glad to hear that your friend is gonna help you out image
    Just remembered the bits I forgot to post before..

    Have you tried baby massage? I've seen a few mums on here swear by it for making their lo more relaxed and sleep better.

    Hope you don't mind all the random suggestions from someone who's lo sleeps pretty well!

  • Baby massage - brill idea i hadn't thought of that and come to think of it it would help with his wind! I'm goint to look into that when back off hols!
  • Charlotte,

    just a couple of things to add. I couldn't put a photo up for ages but other people suggested photobucket.com and it was so unbeliveably easy, compared to all the other ways I'd tried before - if I can do it anyone can!

    On the sleep side of things, I have signed up to a baby massage class here, but centerparcs does one, I was going to go but there seemed little point as I'd put myself on the waiting list for a 5 week course. I think it's ??13 for 1 1/2 hour check in your leaflet. If your interested it might be worth trying it there.

    El x
  • Hiya charlotte, I really cant say i know how you feel because alfie just cant hack being awake for long periods of time! and i know we are really lucky but he did go through what i would call a bad spell last week when he started waking earlier and earlier in the morning and wouldnt go down for daytime naps. I felt really stressed in that week. Thought it was something i had done wrong. He did come out of it though so again i am lucky.

    Goodness knows how youre feeling. Hubby read this thread and even he felt for you!

    I think everyones advice is great and cant really add to it but just want to say, i know youre going to get stressed because its sooo tiring but its not because youre a bad mum. Some babies seem to sleep fine, some dont-theyre all so different.

    Make sure you take up any offers of babysitting and take some 'you' time if you can.

    Sorry-im not much help but good luck

  • Thank you for all your advice, think i was having a bad day! Go on holiday tomorrow can't wait! Had a much better night last night - didn't dreamfeed him!!! although i'm not going to get too excited we'll see what happens tonight!

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