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Feeling so very sad today
The past couple of weeks have not been the best for my family. My mum has had bputs of illness on and off for years, but over the past year it has become increasingly worse, to the point that on my Wedding Day last July, she was rushed to hospital.
Three weeks ago, on the 29th May, my dad phoned to tell me to take my mum up to the a&e with him, and she was admitted, and subsequently treated for gastroenteritis, and IBS, which none of thought she had, and her pain wasn't going away. On 7th June, my mum finally saw a surgeon, who couldn't believe how much pain my mum had, and immediately sent her for a CT scan. Thats when we were told my mum had cancer, with tumours in her liver, and intestines. She had a biopsy the next day, and treatment plans were discussed while we waited on the results to find out the exact nature of the cancer.
On 15th June, we got the results, my mums cancer was very aggressive, and more extensive than they initially thought, it was in her stomach, and bowels and lymph nodes as well as her liver and intestines.
There was nothing more that could be done and it was only a matter of time. We had a really good chat with the consultant on Thursday afternoon, and got my mums care package sorted for her to come home on Friday afternoon.
At 1.30am on Friday morning the hospital called us to go up because my mum was having a really bad night, when we got there they told us that her death was imminent, that they were keeping her comfortable with morphine.
My mum died at 6.25 on Friday morning, Friday was a horrid day, we were all just completely lost.
Yesterday I felt fine, better than I thought I would be coping, but I just kept thinking about my baby and my little girls, and that I had to look after my self for them, and that sitting about crying wouldn't do me any or them any good.
Today, I can't stop crying, I feel so sad and upset, I'm never going to see my mum again, or hear her voice, my little girls, they love her so much, and my baby will never get to meet her.
I'm so sorry for writing this all down, I just didn't know what else to do, my mum is my best friend, we were so close, I could tell her anything and I told her everything. She was so excited that we were having another baby, and now she's gone.
Three weeks ago, on the 29th May, my dad phoned to tell me to take my mum up to the a&e with him, and she was admitted, and subsequently treated for gastroenteritis, and IBS, which none of thought she had, and her pain wasn't going away. On 7th June, my mum finally saw a surgeon, who couldn't believe how much pain my mum had, and immediately sent her for a CT scan. Thats when we were told my mum had cancer, with tumours in her liver, and intestines. She had a biopsy the next day, and treatment plans were discussed while we waited on the results to find out the exact nature of the cancer.
On 15th June, we got the results, my mums cancer was very aggressive, and more extensive than they initially thought, it was in her stomach, and bowels and lymph nodes as well as her liver and intestines.
There was nothing more that could be done and it was only a matter of time. We had a really good chat with the consultant on Thursday afternoon, and got my mums care package sorted for her to come home on Friday afternoon.
At 1.30am on Friday morning the hospital called us to go up because my mum was having a really bad night, when we got there they told us that her death was imminent, that they were keeping her comfortable with morphine.
My mum died at 6.25 on Friday morning, Friday was a horrid day, we were all just completely lost.
Yesterday I felt fine, better than I thought I would be coping, but I just kept thinking about my baby and my little girls, and that I had to look after my self for them, and that sitting about crying wouldn't do me any or them any good.
Today, I can't stop crying, I feel so sad and upset, I'm never going to see my mum again, or hear her voice, my little girls, they love her so much, and my baby will never get to meet her.
I'm so sorry for writing this all down, I just didn't know what else to do, my mum is my best friend, we were so close, I could tell her anything and I told her everything. She was so excited that we were having another baby, and now she's gone.
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Replies
I'm so very very sorry fo your loss, there is nothing I can say that will make your grief any easier, I wish there was!
I lost my mum to cancer almost 12 years ago and I still find it hard, my dad also died when I was 16 weeks pregnant with my little girl and that has also been hard to come to terms with, unfortunately it's just a case of working through the grief and remembering the good times!
If you need to talk just say the word!
Becky
Xxx
I am so sorry you have had to say goodbye to your mum. She sounds like the most wonderful woman.
I appreciate it is really early days, but I made memory books for my girls when their grandad past away, and found it a very positive activity for myself to sit and write memories down, stick photos in, and well spend a good few months having a cry over it.
Take it easy hun, and if you want to talk more, please know we will listen.
xxxx
I miss my mum so much, we told each other everything, and I miss just being able to pick up the phone, or even just texting her to tell her about a funny advert I just saw on TV?!
I really like the idea of putting together a memory book for my little girls, and when the baby is old enough he/she can get to know their granny through my memories and pictures.
Thank you very much for that idea Hedgie.
It as been a strange day today, my dad and I had a giggle because we got together the outfit she will be wearing and we couldn't decide whether she would need tights, because she always wore tights with a dress!!! We had to phone the funeral director and ask?!
It's nice to know that we will be able to laugh again.
Thank you again for all your comforting words,
Jo xx