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Not sure if I'm being weird, I think I probably am
I just don't know whats wrong with me, I've become so clingy with lo, I just feel like I'm being a complete weirdo?
Basically we spend all day every day together, hubby is out at work for 12 hours usually, 90% of the time it's just me and bubba, we don't really have any friends locally, I talk to my work friends via FB etc but you know what it's like when you have a baby sometimes people don't know how to approach you so I don't see them much, I have a best friend but she's pretty busy with a new baby. My family live 45 mins drive away and I see them once a week.
Anyhoo, I went to a family BBQ on saturday with lo and it was the usual thing, she gets passed around and then because she's going through a phase of not liking anyone but me and her daddy she screams, it was noisy and busy and stressful. When I got home I was shattered as was lo. But when I put her to bed I got really upset, I felt like I hadn't spent time with her that day and felt like I wanted to get her out of bed to cuddle her, I just felt so upset, then I ended up in tears telling hubby that I can't go back to work because I honestly feel like my heart might burst if I have to leave her, I really feel like I wouldn't be able to cope with the pain. Hubby says I dont have to go back to work but we both now we cant pay the bills if i don't.
I just feel like i'm getting more and more clingy and it might not be good for lo, she comes into bed with me every morning when she wakes up, we spend all day together.
I don't know what I'm going on about really, I'm not sure if subconsciously I'm really stressed and this is how its manifesting itself, we can't afford the mortgage and bills along with childcare so we are trying to sell the house, I don't want to go back to work and am just burying my head in the sand by not organising any childcare, I just look at my beautiful daughter and wonder how it has come to this, I never imagined I would get to my 30's and potentially be losing my house because I've had a child, and now I can't have another because we can't afford it so she may be my only child and I'm going to have to leave her in the care of strangers and miss her growing up and for what??
Sorry, I think I'm losing the plot
Basically we spend all day every day together, hubby is out at work for 12 hours usually, 90% of the time it's just me and bubba, we don't really have any friends locally, I talk to my work friends via FB etc but you know what it's like when you have a baby sometimes people don't know how to approach you so I don't see them much, I have a best friend but she's pretty busy with a new baby. My family live 45 mins drive away and I see them once a week.
Anyhoo, I went to a family BBQ on saturday with lo and it was the usual thing, she gets passed around and then because she's going through a phase of not liking anyone but me and her daddy she screams, it was noisy and busy and stressful. When I got home I was shattered as was lo. But when I put her to bed I got really upset, I felt like I hadn't spent time with her that day and felt like I wanted to get her out of bed to cuddle her, I just felt so upset, then I ended up in tears telling hubby that I can't go back to work because I honestly feel like my heart might burst if I have to leave her, I really feel like I wouldn't be able to cope with the pain. Hubby says I dont have to go back to work but we both now we cant pay the bills if i don't.
I just feel like i'm getting more and more clingy and it might not be good for lo, she comes into bed with me every morning when she wakes up, we spend all day together.
I don't know what I'm going on about really, I'm not sure if subconsciously I'm really stressed and this is how its manifesting itself, we can't afford the mortgage and bills along with childcare so we are trying to sell the house, I don't want to go back to work and am just burying my head in the sand by not organising any childcare, I just look at my beautiful daughter and wonder how it has come to this, I never imagined I would get to my 30's and potentially be losing my house because I've had a child, and now I can't have another because we can't afford it so she may be my only child and I'm going to have to leave her in the care of strangers and miss her growing up and for what??
Sorry, I think I'm losing the plot
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Replies
I do think the stress is not helping the way you feel a the min! Im the same.......i've worked my arse off since i was 15 and now im in my 30's and blissfully happy, but that skint that we too really should down size our house to cope better. And it just isn't fair is it!!!!
What riles me no end is seeing younger and lets say "less washed"
And the thought of havig to go back to work and leave my baby with someone else just makes me feel ill
Have you tried booking an app with citizens advice at one of the surestart centres? I've heard they do a good financial advice meeting to help you see were you stand and if you could manage to stay at home? I really am going to have to step up and get things sorted myself so might give them a call?
Just remember your not going crazy or losing the plot......your just a fantastic mummy who loves her little one more than anything else in the world!!!! And ur not on your own there!!!!! xx
I can completely understand your feelings in fact i could have written the exact same post! I have yet to contact work to request part time hours cause really i don't want to go back so i am ignoring the issue - i know i have to go back as like you we need my wage to live but i don't know how i am going to leave my baby after being her main carer for over a year!! We had two parties over the weekend and like you i find passing her to people really hard i hate it when she cries and so so desperatly want to grab her and keep her all to myself but like you don't want it to affect her development arghhhh it is so hard being a mummy!
Sorry waffling but just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone and that i think it makes us good mummies who love our babies and that is the most important thing!
Big hugs
love rena x
I can't bare to think about going back to work. I am going to miss Emily so much and i love the fact that, at the moment, I am her world and I am the one who makes it all better! She is going to be looked after by both sets of grandparents which is great that she will be close to them, but i am sooooo jealous!
I also know what you mean about other people holding her all day then feeling like you have hardly had any cuddles Morello! I sometimes look forward to the night feed just so i can get another cuddle!
I just don't know how i am going to concentrate on work when i have to leave Emily at home
When i was pg with my second, my company made me redundant to which i had a legal battle with them. It was really hard but after i have a different attitude to work! I looked at other options and for 2 years i have been doing my old job but self employed so i was around more. Now with 3 of them, i cant afford the 2 days nursery i was doing so i have registered as a childminder.
Ive looked at my options,
1. full time job=full time wage=full time childcare=??17500 per year(minus childcare vouchers if they last)
2. part time job=part time wage=??8000 nursery fees
3. become childminder=stay at home=save childcare fees so effectively ??8000 salary before i start
That is what ive done and i wish id done it 2 years ago. I could have been around more for the boys.
Just really wanted to point out that it is possible to think out of the box and survive!
Gemm x