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Help-Inlaws!
Hi, sorry I haven't been about for ages, had a tough few weeks but feeling much better now.
Anyway, INLAWS! We have been having major issues with them for the last few weeks, MIL is desperate for E to stay at her house overnight but I don't want her too, she has only ever spent 3 night away from me and that was at my parents where we sleep once a week anyway so she is quite comfortable there.
Since xmas she has spent 1 day at the inlaws (when I had flu and was miscarrying and couldn't even walk in a straight line!) she came and picked her up and phoned hubby later in the day to say she wouldnt bring her home and she could stay there unless i picked her up-needless to say i sent him down to 'retrieve' her the moment he got in from work.
Last week she sent me a nasty text saying how hurt she was that i wasnt including her in E's life or taking E down to see her (mil can drive and is only 30 mins away-she also only works part time so could easily come here now and again). Now I dont know what to do as a little issue is starting to turn nasty and I dont want to see them at all now. BIL has also started sending really nasty texts saying that we should let E stay there so the rest of the family can see her.
I don't want there to be a huge family argument but I'm not going to let E stay there yet either. So what do I do next?
Anyway, INLAWS! We have been having major issues with them for the last few weeks, MIL is desperate for E to stay at her house overnight but I don't want her too, she has only ever spent 3 night away from me and that was at my parents where we sleep once a week anyway so she is quite comfortable there.
Since xmas she has spent 1 day at the inlaws (when I had flu and was miscarrying and couldn't even walk in a straight line!) she came and picked her up and phoned hubby later in the day to say she wouldnt bring her home and she could stay there unless i picked her up-needless to say i sent him down to 'retrieve' her the moment he got in from work.
Last week she sent me a nasty text saying how hurt she was that i wasnt including her in E's life or taking E down to see her (mil can drive and is only 30 mins away-she also only works part time so could easily come here now and again). Now I dont know what to do as a little issue is starting to turn nasty and I dont want to see them at all now. BIL has also started sending really nasty texts saying that we should let E stay there so the rest of the family can see her.
I don't want there to be a huge family argument but I'm not going to let E stay there yet either. So what do I do next?
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Replies
make sure you keep all your texts sent and recived from and to her and family and make sure hubby sees them all, they last thing you need is her minipulating him, make sure he knows exactly how you feel and what you find acceptable from her,
i am waiting for this to happen, i havent seen or spoken to MIL since LOs birthday as she arranged a visit with hubby after i specifically told her we had plans at the weekend, something i apparently have issues about and that SHE was upset i had taken it the wrong way, i hadnt taken it the wrong way she had been caught out,
we are the same as in i am happy for LO to sleep over at my parents but not at hers, i do not feel she is caperable, and feel uneasy leaving him unattended with her, the times she has babysat there have been issues from soaking wet nappies to starving baby to uneasy baby, i am never happy leaving him and dont enjoy myself as i am filled with worry, hubby usually gets called too as she cant deal with crying or any sort of problem, if you have reason not too then you need to talk to hubby about it its much easier if hes on your side,
i would maybe draft a letter with hubby to her explaining the situaltion and that you have no probelms with her visiting and would love for her to come to you, explain you dont want any bad feeling etc etc make sure you both happy with it and then the balls in her caught, make sure its clear and to the point and that its cant be taken the wrong way, then if she wants to be funny its clearly her not you
hope its sorted out soon, i so wish i married an orphan!
I worry constantly when she's with them, and we've had the soaking wet nappies when I collect her- she is always 'just about to change her'. Plus she always comes home stinking of MIL's manky perfume!
I think their issue is that my parents see her loads more than them but they don't make the effort.
Hubby is starting to see that she is two faced which is a start-she is all lovey dovey to my face and slags me off behind my back!! aaaargh!!
Will be making sure I keep all the texts-hadn't thought of that so thank you!
I've read on here a few times about people's in-laws wanting the baby over-night, I don't get it, it's your baby why would you leave them over-night with someone else? If they want to see the baby shouldn't they invite all of you for a visit?
I agree with PP just try to explain to them that their comments and texts are becoming upsetting, and that you are happy to arrange visits between you all.
p.s. I'm really sorry to hear about your miscarriage x
May have to re think the orphan idea!
I have never left Emilia over night with anyone and don't intend to just yet. It's not that I don't think anyone is incapable of looking after her I am just not ready. Thankfully inlaws are in another country and my mum and dad totally understand that.
Maybe invite her round for coffee and a play with E and just mention that you would like to clear the air re E staying over. That you are not quite ready yet. You are not questioning her ability to look after E, but would rather wait a little while. If she can't accept that then shame for her, because at the end of the day you are E's mummy and what you say goes. She is just making life hard for herself in the long run.
Hope it get sorted soon, ill feeling in the family is horrible xxx