controlled crying?
Hi all...looking for some experienced advice if possible, please...
I understand about the debate on controlled crying, but I just wondered what people's experiences or thoughts were. Our Mia is 6 weeks old tomorrow and has become a real cuddle-monkey, meaning that she rarely settles on her own without resorting to screaming the house down. She will sometimes happily play in her jungle-gym on the floor, other times will be having none of it. She is extremely reluctant to be left alone for even a second, and seems only to want a cuddle from mummy or daddy. Now....what do we do about it? I have tried to leave her to cry, once I've ascertained that all the usual causes of crying don't exist, but she gets in such a state she ends up winning the battle by starting to choke, she's that upset, which of course frightens us and we pick her up. How long are we supposed to leave a crying baby so that she 'learns' that it's okay to be on her own?
The other side of the argument is that babies this young can't be spoiled and can't 'learn' such stuff, so we are okay to keep picking her up if she cries?
Which is right? The oh and I differ on it...I am happier to leave her grizzle than he is, but then he is a soft-shite where his new daughter is concerned, and quite rightly so!!
I understand about the debate on controlled crying, but I just wondered what people's experiences or thoughts were. Our Mia is 6 weeks old tomorrow and has become a real cuddle-monkey, meaning that she rarely settles on her own without resorting to screaming the house down. She will sometimes happily play in her jungle-gym on the floor, other times will be having none of it. She is extremely reluctant to be left alone for even a second, and seems only to want a cuddle from mummy or daddy. Now....what do we do about it? I have tried to leave her to cry, once I've ascertained that all the usual causes of crying don't exist, but she gets in such a state she ends up winning the battle by starting to choke, she's that upset, which of course frightens us and we pick her up. How long are we supposed to leave a crying baby so that she 'learns' that it's okay to be on her own?
The other side of the argument is that babies this young can't be spoiled and can't 'learn' such stuff, so we are okay to keep picking her up if she cries?
Which is right? The oh and I differ on it...I am happier to leave her grizzle than he is, but then he is a soft-shite where his new daughter is concerned, and quite rightly so!!
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Replies
With aleia we put her in her cot and leave her for 5 mins. Go up soothe her and leave her again for 5 mins. We do this for about half hour in total and if she's still not settled we will bring her down, calm her with cuddles and then try again. It seems to be working as she is getting better at self settling. I can put her down wide awake and she will chat away for a bit, grizzle fir a bit and then go to sleep.
You will find away that suits you. I think at this age they are starting to get aware of if I cry I will get picked up!! Well aleia does anyway!! Lol!!
As I have a 6 year old who needs me too it is more a case of tough love with aleia in some cases as he needs to eat and her bottles won't clean themselves!! Lol!!
There is no right it wrong just whatever works for you.
All I will say is treasure the cuddles as they soon become a thing of the past as time really does fly! Lol!
Mjc
Xx
The oh was in the doghouse last night...I'd got her settled in her cot by 10pm and left her to grizzle...not crying at all...just chattering to herself about her nasty mummy, when daddy gets back home from cadets and goes and picks her up for cuddles!! It was gone midnight when she finally settled again! I think he learned his lesson tho!
As you say, they have to be left sometimes otherwise nothing else around the house will ever get done! I left her on her playmat this morning while I hoovered and tidied, and yes she cried, but she was absolutely fine and eventually gave up when she realised I was still around and chatting to her. Result!!
Aleia and Mia will no doubt soon start a campaign to get their mummies to quit the cleaning! Poor kids!! xxx
I'll leave Imogen to grump/cry for up to ten minutes, then go in to her if she won't settle but will keep the lights low and won't bring her back down stairs, I keep at it until she settles herself and she's getting rather good at it now. Only time I go into her at less than that is if she's really getting irate and screaming but that isn't very often. It does help that straight after her bath I turn the lights low, have the house quiet and give her a massage with baby oil and put her powder on, then give her a feed and straight in to bed. it's got to the point now where if it gets past her usual bedtime and she's not had her massage she starts getting grumpy like she wants to go to bed, so I certainly think they can 'learn' a routine.
You just have to persevere, take a deep breath and tell daddy he needs to be more strict lol. I let both my other two cry for a bit and in no time at all they were going to bed when I put them down every time.
Oops, sorry for the essay lol
What time do you put Imogen down after her bath etc? We seem to have settled with 10pm which of course is very late and can't last....but I'm also worrying about when I go back to work in just 6 weeks...if we put her to bed at 7pm, I won't see her at all
Really difficult to know what to do.....on the plus side, I've managed to get the oh to leave Mia to grizzle in her cot...result!
Hope all is well xx
Laid back isn't a bad thing. I'm quite laid back too really. my kids don't generally have a set bedtime but we will put them to bed between half seven to half eight depending on what we're up to, but they do go when they're told
We tend to put imogen down between eight and nine so that she gets quality time with daddy when he gets home. I don't believe it's the TIME you put the baby down that's important but the routine you have that teaches baby bedtime is approaching. Does that make sense?
As Clare has said it's not so much the time as the letting them know it's bed time.
My little man goes to bed between 7 and 8 and he knows bed time as he starts sitting still and being dead quiet do we don't realise he's there!! Bless him!!
You'll figure out your own way of doing things hun so I wouldn't stress too much.
Xx
I'm so glad you're here to offer your wisdom.... I know exactly how to operate with children aged about 2 upwards, due to my work and also being an Incredible Years group leader, but this baby-care lark is another realm!! I'm lucky I have the total hands-on support of hubby and an extremely easy and laid-back baby!
Thanks again girls!! Hope everyone is well xx
THIS IS AWFUL! I really hope it works. This is my distraction
He's currently crying his eyes out and all I want to do it pick him up and give him a massive cuddle but I've heard so many success stories with this technique that I have to keep at it
I have major respect for all trying it
2 minutes to go
xxx
i must be too laid back! lol
emily is 5 weeks tomo and has no routine!
i just bf when shes hungry then she sleeps....and sleeps.
so far she only crys wen shes hungry! but that will prob change!!!
my older son has a good routine but we started that wen he was 5-6months old! so every one is differnt!
xjenz
i must be too laid back! lol
emily is 5 weeks tomo and has no routine!
i just bf when shes hungry then she sleeps....and sleeps.
so far she only crys wen shes hungry! but that will prob change!!!
my older son has a good routine but we started that wen he was 5-6months old! so every one is differnt!
xjenz
i must be too laid back! lol
emily is 5 weeks tomo and has no routine!
i just bf when shes hungry then she sleeps....and sleeps.
so far she only crys wen shes hungry! but that will prob change!!!
my older son has a good routine but we started that wen he was 5-6months old! so every one is differnt!
xjenz
i've started to get Jude into a routine but he can't/dosen't settle himself very well during the day (the night is fine for some reason??)
We leave him to sleep on us or downstairs with us during all naps and until we go up to bed - should i be putting him in his moses basket for all naps? and before we go to bed?
Also, how should i do controlled crying as sometimes he really gets in a paddy after about 5 mins and doesn't calm himslef until i've picked him up??
Any tips would be great!
He's 4 weeks today so not sure if that's to young to be thinking about this yet? xx
Obviously do what's right for you but please don't stress about routine and self settling too much at this very early age. x
My older one Xander is two next month and we still don't have the heart to do controlled crying. I personally could not just sit there and listen to my child cry, knowing I could make it better... and do nothing. No offence to those who do, as we have tried it several times with xander (but not until he was 1!!) and neither me nor my partner had the heart to continue with it. He sleeps in our bed which has its downsides but also has many good points - they will only be this small once so I enjoy the cuddles whilst I can xx
I last tried controlled crying on Weds evening as I was alone and I have a stronger constitution for it than my oh! It was heartbreaking! I went in to her every 5 mins, but didn't pick her up, just reassured her, and she did settle, but then as soon as I left her again, she screamed blue murder. The poor child screamed herself hoarse, and I gave up after about 40minutes when my ears were beginning to bleed!!
She is such a mummy-and-daddy's girl, and it makes my heart bounce to know that she knows that she is loved by us and feels secure enough to stop crying the moment she is back with us....why else do we have children if not to make them feel loved, secure and give them our attention? I lover her so much, I don't care if I'm making my life a little harder down the line....it's what works for now.
Hope everyone is doing well and enjoying their little munchkins....the giggles and smiles at 3am are soooooo rewarding I could nibble her up! xx