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6 weeks till baby due and just found out my dad has cancer...

sorry if this upsets anyone, but we've just found out my dad has pancreatic cancer which has spread to his liver. We are waiting to meet with his oncologists next week to find out what the prognosis is and what treatment he could have (they've already said they can't operate to remove the cancer) but having read up about this type of cancer I am devastaed as it pretty much is fatal in most cases, Dad is only 64. I lost my mum to cancer nearly 4 years ago (she was only 59) and now it looks like I will lose my dad at some point within the next year. Our first baby is due in 6 weeks and I really want him to have his maternal grandad around as he will miss out on having a brilliant nan on my side (mum doted on my neice and adored being a nan)... am in such a spin, dad is currently in the same hospital as I'm going to for my maternity clinics etc, so today I'm going to have my first antenatal class followed by visiting dad on his ward... my emotions are on such a roller coaster...



just feel so drained with it all.... not expecting replies really just needed to share, thanks for reading and sorry for waffling! :cry:

Replies

  • Oh NikNiks I don't know what to say. How horrible for you. I recognised your name as we got married at a similar time so I wanted to just say I'm thinking of you. My nan has recently had bowel and liver cancer. She's doing really well so don't give up hope. Love from Betty (formerly Emmie76) xXx
  • Hi NikNiks,



    My heart goes out to you and your family.



    Please dont give up hope. My mum was diagnosed with advanced stage lung cancer in August, also non operable and terminal. She received 4 round of chemo and it has worked so well the scans are not showing the tumors were they were originally ( they prob are still there but not visible on scan). I had accepted that she would not get to meet any second born child of ours and was also devastated as I wanted her to have that relationship with my children. Now whilst the cancer will return , usually within a year, it has bought us some precious time.



    We are at the moment trying to make the most of every good day she has, whether its trips for coffee and cake or to the garden centre or whatever she can manage. Make as many memories as you can now and when your lo arrives take as many photos and videos if you can, at least then your dad can live on in the stories and photos you will show and tell your lo about.



    This news is very new to you and some one on here advised me when I found out about my mum to go easy on myself. Dont try and cope with everything at once and let it out. Its ok to cry,and as it was inmy case , cry and cry and cry! Dont forget you are nearly full term, make sure you get plenty of rest as your health and babys is so very important too.



    I would recommend speaking to the macmillan nurses as they are so very helpful, You are in a very stressful situation with the imminent arrival of lo so you may need some help.



    sending you big hugs at this time xxx
  • ah darling, so sorry to hear your news. I agree with don't give up though. My sister is a nurse and works with lots of cancer patients. she says regardless of what treatment they have/stage of the disease, it's impossible to predict the outcome as each individual person responds and reacts so differntly to treatment. some take to it better than others. My uncle was diagnosed with advanced prostrate cancer 10 years ago and is still going. New drugs are coming out ALL the time.

    I know it will be hard but please please try to stay positive and get your dad to do the same. He needs to find his fighting spirit too. Look at Jane Tomlinson and how she faught. she defied the odds and put off the inevitable for years.

    On a random note, get your dad to drink green tea ( fights cancer). I used to live in Japan which incidentally has the lowest rates of cancer in the world. They put it down to ' eating fish and drinking green tea'. Also avoid sugar as it feeds the disease.



    sending you lots of hugs and positive vibes

    R xxx
  • So sorry to hear ur news!! My heart goes out to you xxx
  • Thanks for all your positive words and lovely thoughts, it really means a lot to me.



    We are trying to keep positive, especially until we hear more from the medical team on Tuesday... Dad isn't doing things by half tho, as well as the cancer he also has DVT's in both legs which have sent numerous blood clots off to his lungs, and a hernia op that isn't healing properly (which is what he actually went into hospital for to find out why they hadn't worked then the DVTs happened and they then discovered the cancer!) so all have to be treated independently but without ensuring one lots of medication isn't going to counteract the another...



    On a brighter note he is a bit perky now, the pain medication seems to have reached a level that is working for him so he is sleeping much better and he's been moved to a private room which is so much nicer and quieter than the main ward, makes such a difference for him.



    We saw him yesterday after our antenatal class, and I'll be in pretty much to see him most days now, as my boss has let me finish work on discretionary leave a week early (was due to finish next Friday anyway) which means one less thing to worry about.



    Blue Star, that is good news about your mum and that you have got some very precious time with her, we will certainly be doing the same as you with dad.



    Betty/Emmie, am so pleased to hear your lovely nan is doing well too



    Babyvogue, thanks for the info about green tea, I will definitely get my dad some and try to get him to drink it, tho he's a builders tea guy thru and thru!



    Thanks again for taking the time to reply girls, it really helps xxx
  • So Sorry to hear your news NikNiks, I cant imagine how you must be feeling. Your dad defo dont do things by half does he! Glad to hear he's a bit more settled with the pain meds and being in a private room.

    Very kind of your work to give you that extra time you most definately need.



    Keep your chin up hun, and remember to look after yourself too! We're always here if you need to chat!



    xxx
  • Hi all



    We've had the update from Dad's doctors and sadly the cancer is so advanced there isn't anything they can do other than get Dad home with as much care as he needs and make him as comfortable as possible for whatever time he has left, which probably isn't going to be very long, so now we are just hoping that he makes it Xmas and early January to meeting this baby....



    I just feel a bit numb right now, trying to stay strong for Dad and my baby but it feels weird planning all the future things I need to sort for the baby at the same time trying to reconcile my thoughts that dad won't be around to watch him grow up...



    Anyway, thanks again for all your supportive messages they have really helped me the last couple of days



    Lots of love

    Niks xxx
  • Oh hun, I'm so sorry. I wish I had some words of wisdom or could say something to make you feel better but I don't think just words do what you must be feeling justice.



    I lost my Dad very suddenly when I was 9 weeks pregnant with DD, he didn't even know I was pregnant. I wish so much that I had some time with him even if it was only a few weeks. There is so much I wish I had told him, not least that he was going to be a Granddad - he would've been so pleased.



    Make the most of the time you have.



    Love and hugs

    Mrs B xxx
  • Ooh nikniks, I'm so sorry for you and your family. I don't have any advice or experience on this. My heart for a out to you. Take care of yourself and bubs as best you can at this awful time. xxx
  • oh huni, i'm so sorry to hear that. Would your dad be up for talking to a cam corder so he can leave a message for baby? maybe some advice for when bubs grows up, funny joke etc? It would be nice for your little one to know that grandad was in his/her life from the very beginning and thinking of him/her? I know it wouldn't be easy but he could try to make it funny / lighthearted?

    R xx
  • sadly my dad passed away earlier today, we were all with him as he slipped away but am in a daze and it doesnt feel real just yet. hubby is looking after me and making sure i am keeping bubs safe, am just so sad that dad couldnt hold on for another 3 weeks to meet his new grandson, but i know the pain was too much for him and he is now pain free which is all we wanted for him. thanks again for ur support and messages and i wish u all healthy and happy births over the next few weeks, niks xxx
  • Oh I'm so sorry.



    Take care of yourself and bubs - sending big hugs.



    Mrs B xxx
  • So sorry nik Niks ur in my thoughts .



    Be strong for ur baby xxxxx
  • oh hun i've just seen this. gutted for you. though as you say, your dad is no longer in pain. he will be your guardian angel watching over you all from now on xx
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