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Struggling

Hey,

Phoebe is now 6 weeks and 4 days old and I really feel like im not coping too well. I love her so much but she is quite demanding. She has colic and really bad wind - both in terms of bringing up burps and trumping. She is a nightmare to wind during and after a feed and screams a lot - yesterday I stopped feeding and tried winding her for ten minutes and got nothing so tried to feed her again because she was screaming and she took the milk - cue major guilt attack for thinking she was windy when all she wanted was more milk, she finished 5oz seemed to want more so I sent hubby to do another bottle and offered her a dummy to try and keep her calm whilst she was waiting and then she burped and threw up practically her whole feed. Needless to say I then felt terrible because she had obviously been in pain and I just forced milk down her throat. She also cries a lot and often can be completely calm and smiling, then she screams as though someone has pinched her before letting out a big trump. I told the HV because I want to do something to help her because she is clearly in pain and she just said 'oh yes colicy babies do that, she will grow out of it'. I feel a bit helpless.

Phoebe is awake so much during the day and hardly ever lets me put her down and will cry if I do. Making bottles is a complete nightmare because I have to either let her scream or hope that she will stay calm in her sling so that my hands are free. In the evening the colic attacks are even worse and there is literally nothing I can do to calm her. I feel so guilty because I keep wishing I could go back to work or be on my own for a while, then I look at her and she smiles and I just cry because I feel like she deserves so much better. Im just so tired. Last week she had 5 really good days where she was less trumpy, more settled, pooing healthy poos once a day and then colic struck and she has been unsettled ever since. I thought we had turned a corner with her being 6 weeks but then it all went wrong again. We hadnt changed anything at all either, so its not like I can pin point what was different. The worst part is that we had gone on a weekend break with hubby's parents and his mum was going on and on about how good she was and joking that we had made it all up about her being grizzly and saying I must have pinched her to make her cry. At the time it was funny because she was joking and Phoebe was so much better, but now im sat here thinking that everyone is going to think that it really is me being mental and making up all of the crying because she was a bloody angel when other people were around. Worse than that, Im scared that its true and the reason she is so grizzly is completely my fault. I dont really know why I am writing this down, I just feel like I need to vent. My mum knows I am struggling but Im trying to put on a brave face so people dont think I am a bad mother. My poor daughter must think Im mental because Im constantly crying! Thanks for reading if you got to the end x

Replies

  • Oh hun, I didn't want to read and run, but as I've not had experience with a colicky baby I'm not sure how helpful my advice will be.



    Firstly, I'm sure you are being a fantastic mummy and Phoebe loves you very much.



    It is not your fault, or her fault, that she suffers from colic - you have to keep telling yourself this.



    I know it's not easy, but please try to ignore your mother in law's comments, or could you ask your OH to have a quiet word with her to explain that the GP has diagnosed colic and explain how severe it can be so that she understands how difficult things can be.



    As for things being better last week and then getting worse this week, little Phoebe may be having a little growth spurt or something. Just try to take each day at a time, and i assure you the time will fly by and she'll soon get through it.



    Are there are baby groups that you can start going to - although it might sound daunting with her crying so much, but just getting out the house and talking to some other new mums may start to help you feel normal. When i started to go to groups, i was so surprised and relieved to hear that other people have gone through issues with their newborns too.



    Take care x
  • Really don't panic and for goodness sake do not blame yourself... it is not your fault. I have a 3 year old daughter and a 9 week old son both of whom seem to be incredibly discontent newborns! The joy with my first was that she slept at night and was not remoptely clingy, however my son is a total mummy's boy- wont go even to my husband and is like your little Phoebe a discontented baby in general. My family run a mile when he starts crying! He is also a pickle at night so I am trying to balance running the house, being there for my daighter and making sure the babies ok as well- nervous breakdown soon!



    What I would say though is it will get better, you will not believe how quickly and you will look back on this in a couple of months time and laugh about it- I promise. Have you got a baby bjorn (or baby carrier) giving you your hands free if she needs to be held so that you can crack on and get some of the things done that you need to? Also, when she is screaming blue murder we find that music and visualisations on the TV or computer can distract him and calm him down. My son is also on Gaviscon as although he is not sick he has acid reflux and this does seem to help.



    You are a great Mum, you wouldn't be on here worrying about it if you weren't... know that you aren't alone, I feel like I'm on the edge of delirium at times.... My mother in law ALWAYS implied to me that she does a better job than me and with my daughter it used to devastate me but as she has got older I have seen that when the chips are down I can assure you even a fiercly independant child like my little girl all they wantis their Mummy... no Mother in law could ever come up to muster for your baby girl- I promise. When she does it now I just laugh and think yeh ok whatever!



    Hang in there X
  • Hi GB, firstly you are being a great mum. And like the others have said, it will get better. It may be that she is on a little growth spurt or something?



    I'm sure we all have times like you have mentioned, and I am sure there will be more in the future, like when they start teething etc.



    Like RS says, maybe look at some groups if you have any near you? I'm trying a Wriggle and Rhyme on Mon - should be fun!!



    Hang in there sweetie.



    Zxx
  • Hi Glitterbug.......



    My Phoebe has reflux and for the first 5 weeks we had a nightmare with her. She too was very unsettled and would scream at night in pain with the acid. Thankfully she is a lot better now as the Dr was very understanding and did prescribe infant gaviscon for her.



    i know its a little different as there isn't really anything you gan give a colicy baby......



    My advise is to keep telling yourself that it won't last for ever and remind yourself that you ARE a good mummy.



    As for your mother in law i can sympathise as my father in law is exactly the same to the point where i actually recorded Phoebe one night and e mailed it to him in the wee small hours of the morning!!!!!



    I found that sometimes i had to let her cry it out for 5 mins whilst I got myself together.



    Thinking of you

    xxxx
  • Thanks everyone for all of your kind words. The doc has perscribed Colief so we are giving that a go. She was ver sickly yesterday throwing up a large amount after almost every feed. The doc said it could be a tummy bug or further issues with lactose. I hope she will settle soon, I just want her to be happy and healthy! Supposed to be going to a family party tonight but think im going to give it a miss and avoid the MIL. I know that she is joking (although there is probably a sliver of truth behind what she says) but if she tells me Im making it up whilst I am in my current frame of mind I think I'll end up having a melt down! Thanks so much for replying, makes me feel much better and less isolated xxx
  • I'm sorry to read that you are having a hard time - poor little Phoebe!



    I really hope that the Colief works for you. Ella is a bit of a colicky baby and that is hard when she goes through those spells. Strangely she seems to get it and then it goes away again for a while - same as you said no change in anything it just attacks for no reason.



    We have found Dentinox is working well for us and since putting that in her bottles she has been a lot better - I assume you have tried that already? My friend found that switching her baby onto the comfort formula helped her baby....we were considering that but Ella is responding well to the Dentinox at the mo....fingers crossed that continues...



    It is tough when they are crying like that - it breaks your heart to know you can't do anything to help them and they are LOUD! You are doing a great job though, there isn't anything else you can do.



    Take care

  • GLitterbug, don't feel bad. I don't have any advice, but just wanted to say I feel for you. Matilda is generally a very content baby but occasionally seems to have some tummy pains and the screaming and crying on those days breaks my heart so I know it must be very difficult for you.



    You are doing your best and that's all you can do, hopefully the colief will help and there is the light at the end of the tunnel in that colic shouldn't last too long, but I know that won't help much now!



    Just ignore your mil, noone can know what it's like unless they've witnessed it but mils do like to think they know best.



    Hope things are improving x
  • you are doing an amazing job, being a mummy is hard work especially at this beginning stage.



    I am shattered and struggling sometimes just through lack of sleep, so I can't imagine how hard it is with lack of sleep plus a colicky baby.



    I hope the colief that the dr has given you works. Fingers crossed.



    Just keep reminding yourself you are a wonderful, loving mummy and Phoebe loves you very very much!



    xx
  • Gosh GlitterBug, I really feel for you.

    I have no new advice, but just want to reitterate that your feelings are perfectly normal and you clearly sound like a good mum, not a bad mum.

    Overstating that Phoebe will grow out of this phase might not help you now, but you will get out of the tunnel!

    I really hope thing pick up for you soon.

    All the best,

    xx

    PS Phoebe is a very beautiful name.
  • Hi all, thank you for the lovely words of support, just thought I would give a little update. Last week the doctor put Phoebe on Colief and sent away a sample of her stool to see if she has a sensitivity to lactose. After 24 hours she was trumping for England which caused her to become very upset and scream even more than usual. Although her poop turned from green and hard (sorry tmi) to yellow, loose and very frequent, I was convinced the colief was making things worse because she was so unsettled. We had a tough weekend so I took her to see the health visitor and poured my heart out. The HV told me not to worry about the wind - it was a case of 'better out than in' and that she would stop crying once she got used to the sensation. I was very pessamistic but persevered with the Colief and then suddenly she started feeding properly - taking two or three 5oz bottles per day (plus a couple of 'bit and bob' feeds). For the last two days she has been very smiley and much more content - she has even had two naps during the day today! Im really hoping this is the beginning of a happier baby now that she is pooping a couple of times a day and feeding properly, im trying not to get my hopes up incase it doesnt last, but the last two days have been wonderful! Thanks again for your suppost xx
  • So glad to hear things are improving for you. It's hard enough work anyway without feeling things aren't right so hopefully the colief will keep working and Phoebe will stay happy image
  • Like MrsP has said, so glad all getting there- fingers crossed things keep improving- hope you've had a good weekend? Thank you for your advice to me too- I admire you throwing help my way when things have clearly been so tough for you. Hope MIL is behaving X
  • Hi,



    Just noticed this. My daughter is 15 and a bit weeks. We had awful colic set in at about 3 weeks. It was a total nightmare. I discovered Colief and perservered and by about 2 weeks in of using it she was totally cured! I could not imagine life without it! Margot is back to being a very happy baby and rarely cries. She is almost 4 months and we should be weaning off it but the idea terrifies me!! Oh well.. nearly time to start food. Hope it helps you. x image
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