really dont know what to do , help ladies

Replies

• phat_sue4

  Jan 12, 2012 4:22PM

  Oh ML thats awful your feeling like that.
  
  
  
  People say the worst things in the heat of an argument and it's really hard to forget them once they've been said.
  
  I think as much as u don't want to that you need to sit down with hubby and talk things through.
  
  He's probably thinking of another baby in terms of the negative like; the sleepless nights, more money, more potential stress etc and if he's a worrier this will be in the forefront of his mind and the excitement will get pushed to the back.
  
  
  
  Talk to him and explain that u understand his fears and u have them too but are trying to focus on the positive and exciting times ahead. Let him know u are there to support him.
  
  
  
  Hope it gets sorted soon x x

  0
• -Spring-

  Jan 12, 2012 4:36PM

  Sorry to hear that MummyLintern. I'm sure we all say thing sometimes that we don't really mean or they come out wrong at the time and hurt someone's feelings.
  
  My hubby is very much a worrier too. Even when we were TTC he would panic about money etc.
  
  With our son he was a lot more into the whole "baby-thing" whereas this time he doesn't seem as enthusiastic. I guess, he been there, done that... and then I suppose guys find it harder to get attach to something they cannot see or feel or anything.
  
  
  
  Hope they will come round soon. And fingers crossed your hubby won't get so anxious again.
  
  It IS an exciting time - Very much so!
  
  

  0
• _mummy2grace_

  Jan 12, 2012 6:45PM

  Aw hun, hubby and I have explosive rows and often things get said in the heat of the moment that arent truly meant. I think sometimes men find it hard to get excited til they see and feel more tangible things. Hubby was.more broody than me both times but still not into the prep,like I am . Hope it all works out, I'm sure he's mortified he said that xxx

  0
• MummyLintern2Be

  Jan 13, 2012 10:18AM

  thanks ladies i think your right , i am going to try and have a chat with hubby this evening but we had a brief chat this morning and he says he really didnt mean it and he is happy its just hard to concentrate on something he hasn't even met yet when we have a lovely little boy here and now , and he does concentrate on the negative so is worried about money , how the new baby will change the 3 of us etc all the normal things .. thanks again ladies going to try and move on xxx

  0
• Feebs76

  Jan 13, 2012 5:24PM

  I'm sure he was just trying to be mean in the heatof a row. My DH was reluctant about TTCing number2 and although in the end as it took 7 months he had completely come around to the idea he was never into the preparation and planning. In fact with both girls I ended up doing all the furniture assembly at 7 or 8 months pregnant by myself as I got fed up of trying to get him to do it. I am still always envious of people who's husbands are happy to plan what to buy and 'road test' prams and do the manly DIY jobs in the nursery. I know this time I'll have to push him to get the nursery decorated and organised.
  
  
  
  He has told me that he found it harder to bond with both babies beforebthey were born as it just wasn't real to him til he saw them, which I think a lotmof men feel as they don't have that connection we donof feeling the flutters and kicks etc. He also didn't bond immediately with dd2 as she was so needy to me in the early days and dd1 was there needing him and able to interact with him, whichnsounds a little how your DH is feeling now? It did only last for a really short time though and once he got to know dd2 as her own little person he fell as in love with her as Dd1.
  
  
  
  Don't worry, your DH will be anxious and stressed if he's that way inclined but that won't affect hownhe feels aboutbhis new son or daughter when they get her.
  
  
  
  Xx

  0
• MissPud

  Jan 15, 2012 7:33AM

  oh bless ya chick, I know what you are going thru. I am with a new partner, have bin with him 2yrs this March and this is our 1st baby together and it happened very very quickley, lets just say I concieved the first time of having sex after coming off the pill!!
  
  
  
  Anyways I know how you feel as he too suffers from anxiety and depression and goes thru stages of shouting etc, he is medicated for this and is on fluxotine (sp) he was on other meds before but they stopped working.. anyways to get ot the point he very often shouts horrible things int he heat of the moment when he is 'on one' as I call it and he soon realises and does eventually apologise and that he dont mean things. He too is reluctant about baby names etc and does say some silly things like we are having a camo car seat and pram and bottles etc and then he says he is only messing, but at times I feel like he is not being serious.
  
  The only difference in our relationship to urs is that I have 3 kids from a previous relationship and this is his first baby. He is a brillinat step dad to my kids and he has even started referring to them as our kids and since he moved in with us he always referred to us as his family... I managed to get him to open up recently and admit that he was worried and scared he ahs a number of fears, like he can be selfish, and he sees his mate as selfish when it comes to his kids and my oh dont want to be like this, he is also worried if the baby wont bond with him and what about if he messes up and is not a good dad etcetc..
  
  
  
  so ur hubby might just have some issues about self estemm when it comes to the baby, I am sure he will be fine and just as good a dad as what he is now.. hope u do get to have that chat and understand the problem with choosing the right moment.. if u ever wanna chat I will try and help just inbox me
  
  
  
  Take care
  
  Lisa xx

  0
• MummyLintern2Be

  Jan 16, 2012 4:35PM

  Thanks Lisa , my hubby is on medication too but has decided he wants to lower his dose so think this may be causing some extra problems am sure all will be ok though and thanks to you all for your support xx

  0
• littleminx

  Jan 17, 2012 4:35AM

  Just wanted to say hope your ok, and that you have managed to have a chat about it, like all the others have said often things are said in the heat of the moment that are not really meant if you know what I mean, so hope you're ok Luc x

  0