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deleted...mocving on and getting better........

Thanks for all your lovely replies but have deleted the post as closing the book on it all and don't want reminding anymore!!!!x x x x

[Modified by: KTandKlan on 05 November 2009 13:12:01 ]


  • hey hun ill fb you xxx
  • Katie, firstly. Dont let this knock your confidence, it should show you that you are a fantastic mum and that you should be proud of yourself. The social worker went away happy! So why shouldnt you be? Your so called friend is IMO very jealous of you. Maybe she could never take on someone elses child and love him like a mother should, just like you do!.

    Blimey hun if you heard the way I shout st Isaac sometimes you would think Im a terrible mother but Isaac just does not do listening and i think I would rather look/sound horrid than have him get run over.

    As for loving Sam differently, you dont, its just what this friend has said to create that doubt in your mind. For you to take on someone elses child as your own is a kind, selfless thing to do and just hearing the way you talk about him makes me think that you should have no worries hun. You are a lovely, lovely girl, who should be proud of herself for being such a fantastic mummy. Dont you ever doubt yourself again.

    Elaine & Boys xx

    Oh sweetheart that must have been awful. OK, I am speaking both as a mother and as a professional here as I've worked with children for nearly 25 years and have had to refer to SS myself. It is never an easy thing to do especially when you have a relationship with the adults you are 'reporting' but in this day and age everybody is scared of missing a sign that all is not well.
    I'm amazed that you still say 'friend' though as I would be so hurt that a friend would report me without speaking to me first of her concerns!
    With the best will in the world you WILL treat him differently... not because he's not yours by birth but because he is a different age, a different age and a different child.

    Don't be afraid to deal with his behaviour but if it's hte shouting that has upset your friend, perhaps find another way of dealing with him running off. Obviously I don't know any of you but here are some ideas....

    Ask him to help you - would it be possible to have the weeny one in a baby carrier and have a single buggy that he could push?

    Have a clear consequence for running off and stick to it. I look after a 3 year old 'runner' and his is to hold the buggy which he hates doing. His parents are fine with reins (I'm not so sure!) so they are on the buggy as a threat if hee refuses to hold on - so far I haven't had to resort to them but he does often have to hold the buggy. You need to find what will work for your boy. Perhaps he likes to watch TV after school? Tell him calmly that you won't be shouting to him to stop, he knows you want him to stay with you and if he runs off there will be no TV and stick to that - that is really important. However much he kicks off do not give in!

    Find a way that he can run - you said you thought he would have grown out of it... actually no! I had a 9 year old recently who was the same! Some children just need to run. Could he be allowed to run on but stop at each lamp-post/road/whatever is on your route? Could he have a trip to the park if he manages not to run off?

    Rewards are equally important (actually more important) so if he is walking (as stupid as you feel) say 'Good walking' and 'thank you for walking so nicely' blah blah you start to feel like a sugar-coated TV 'mom' but honestly it works!

    Try to avoid saying 'If you do XYZ you can have ABC' as kids are not stupid and they play up again so you'll offer the reward. Try to say after the even 'Because you XYZ you can have ABC'

    Lastly, if it would build your confidence why don't you ask your Social worker or Health Visitor if there are any parenting/behaviour management courses you could go on? They are usually free and whilst you might not learn anything new often it is a reminder of effective strategies and more importantly a chance to meet other parents in similar situations...

    Sorry for huge ramble and I hope it has helped in some way! My email button is on if you want to rant or anything!
  • Hi hun I was realyl shocked to read what has happened and although I don't "know" you in person but from knowing you on here, fb and texting I think that you are a brilliant mummy to ALL your children! I have never doubted that. I can understand that it will be hard with Sam at times as I also have a step child and even at 16 they still have problems of their own to deal with!

    If the SS left happy then that shows what I good job you are doing hun! And of course you are going to treat Sienna differently after all she is tiny and needs mummy so much at the moment but as she gets older then you will spend more time with the older ones again. I know Ashton must sometimes feel like Leighton takes over everything but thats just the way it is with a new baby!

    Please try not to worry hun! You are a fab mummy and love them all! Will text you to see that you are ok! Big hugs and you know where I am if you need to talk or just rant at someone! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • oh hunni xxx
    i cant believe your "friend" did that to you!! from what i know of you you are a fantastic mummy!! it must be such a tough job looking after 3 lil ones.
    The fact that the social worker left HAPPY speaks volumes!! have you spoken to this friend to ask y s/he thought u were doing something s'posedly wrong?? maybe they are just jealous??

    carry on exactly as u were coz ur doing a fab job hun!!
    u know where i'am if u wanna chat xx

    [Modified by: vicky&summer on October 30, 2009 07:32 PM]

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    [Modified by: KTandKlan on November 05, 2009 01:12 PM]

  • Thanks again for all your lovely words girls,and thankyou for your inbox messages on fb, have not got round to replying yet but will do I promise.

    I feel sooo much more positive today as we had a halloween party at the local community centre last night (we have recently moved so thought it would be good for the kids to go and make new friends) and my little Mason won 1st prize out of lots of children which made me so proud as so many people were telling me how lovely my children were and how polite my eldest is etc etc so actually felt like a good mum for the first time since this all happened. I have 2 more parties to attend today and was dreading going but feel I can cope now.

    Thankyou so much again, being honest on here and blurting it all out has helped immensly.x x x
  • I cant believe what I've read hon tbh!!!

    I havent been on BE for sooo long and to come across this shocked the hell outta me! I know I've never met you personally but in the time I've known you on here and online its totally obvious how much you love Sam and think of him in the same way as you do Mason and Sienna!!

    I think I would avoid "The Friend" what a spiteful woman? How could she not speak to you in person and do something so damning behind your back?

    Also, by letting him get away with everything then you will be treating him different to the other two so you carry on treating him just as you have which to everyone else is obvious - AS YOUR SON!!! Why would you not tell him off if hes doing wrong - I think this "friend" has some major issues and should watch supernanny just to go to show how no discipline really does affect the children.

    Keep your chin up mate - you are a fab mum xxx

    (I really hope i've made some sense I am fuming for you xxx)

    (Oh yeah and soooooooooooo not suprised that Mason won the competition - his smile is enough to win anything without dressing up!)

    loadsalove xxx
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