Goodbye, farewell...

Hi Ladies,



Hope you are all good? I suppose this is my winding down post as I think it's time to move on and bid you all a fond farewell



Viola is doing OK, but she won't eat. It's a repeat of my son all over again. She's loosing weight. Here we go again...sigh...



My little boy is doing really well though since his operation to cut his tongue tie. He's eating me out of house and home after years of not eating anything. Behaviour, speech, sleeping, everything has improved. Just now I am starting this awful journey again with Viola. We were told that she doesn't need anything doing....but I've been here before...



I can see that the forum is naturally winding itself down as they do now everyone is becoming a confident knowledgeable mother. It's quite nice to see people post less and move on. Shows how everyone has grown (not just the babies). I am sure many will be back when no.2, 3, 4...is on the way



It always amazes me how women who never met manage to band together to support each other through one of the most life changing events ever! And discuss some of the most personal issues!



I thought I would end with a little Groomy philosophy if anyone is interested...



The one thing this whole motherhood experience has taught me is to trust my instincts (especially after the experience I have had with my son). And pay little attention to well meaning advice, because everyone is only ever talking from their own experience which will never be the same as yours.



For 2 years I honestly thought I must be doing something wrong with my son because he wouldn't eat. This feeling was backed up by other peoples 'well meant advice'. No one knew how much his TT was affecting him, even though some of the doctors and HV should have done.



There is no wrong or right way of raising a child. Scary hey? Lol!



I have seen so many people on here preach from one point of view (usually not their own) or criticise someone else for their choice using patronising, vitriolic, judgemental comments. Sometimes all it takes is one person to make an unhelpful comment when you are sleep deprived and vulnerable to really make you feel awful.



Maybe it's time to stop the -belonging to a camp' method of motherhood? And accept that any views you have on child development only really relate to your own children and more importantly situation.



Lets be the first to end the one rule fits all, all or nothing philosophy.



Routine led vs. baby led.

Early weaning vs. waiting till 6 months

Breast feeding vs. bottle feeding.

Home birth vs. hospital birth

Pain relief vs. natural birth

Stay at home vs. go to work



Etc, etc, etc...



There always seems to be a group of stubborn mothers on each side of the chasm while the majority of undecided and in need of advice crash in to the pit between them. Surely we can build some common sense middle of the way bridges?



The official advice changes over time, parenting fashions come and go; new research comes along to disprove old theories.



You can never protect your children from everything or make all the right decisions. Although society seems to expect us to try these days. You can only love your children and try your hardest to be a good parent in the situation you are in. Which is what I think everyone on this forum is trying to do? Which is why it is so sad when I read posts which say -I don't believe in early weaning' or -all babies should be breast fed'. Where as actually what is being said is -I chose not to early wean my child and it was the right thing for us' or -I was able breast feed my baby, I feel good about that and would like others to have the same feeling'.



I think all too often we judge each other and our selves too harshly, which is often backed up by headlines and health professionals. Again all with the best intentions.



Having seen the way two cultures interpret raising a child (while raising my own) has given me an amazing experience as a mother. It's enabled me to stand back and really think about what I think I know or believe to be right.



The one glaring difference for me between motherhood in Denmark and that in the UK is that here in Denmark the belief that the happiness of the mother is directly related to the happiness of the child takes priority over everything else.



No one martyrs themselves on the alter of motherhood. They look after themselves while looking after their children. There is no -Paranoid Parenting' here. But then their society is set up to support this. Don't get me wrong there are problems with any society and Denmark has plenty of its own. But this relaxed approach to motherhood has definitely had a positive effect on me and therefore my little family.



My advice...you are all really great Mum's because you care, that's why you are on this forum...



Listen to what everyone says, question their source or agenda, relate it to your situation and then use a heap of common sense and a big dash of instinct to decide if that works for you and your baby.



Good luck ladies, it's been educational



Groomy xxx