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Struggling with a few things - feeding & sleeping worries
Hi Ladies
Prob wont know any of you. Was due in July but have given birth 3 days ago 3 weeks early to my beutiful daughter Ella.
I am a bit tried at the mo so the following my not be to well written!
I feel like I am struggling/not getting a few things right. Really want to know if anyone else is having any of the same concerns.
I am BF on demand - but there is NO pattern to when, though does tend to be for 20 mins (not contsant suckling at a time.) Have not got my milk yet - how long did that take you all? I don't understand how other people seem to be reffering to feeding every 3 or 4 hours, how do they have such regularity!!?? Does getting your milk in change things??
Also, regards sleeping, she loves to sleep on/next to me. I had imagined she would be in her basket a bit more tho,,, but she is near impossible to settle there.... I put her in there after a feed, when she seems to doze off, but she will grizzle wheich will if I give it time turn to crying and I always end up picking her back up and trying to feed her again. Both nights we have sepnt at home I have eventually had her sleep in the bed next to me, she has eventually slept for a an hour or so then but I am so paranoid about sleeping near her that I don't get the sleep I thought I would when she was sleeping. It means I al always feeding her - which I don't know if she even wants - or just watching her sleep.
I don't mind that I am doing nothing but tending to her, but I am worried I am not doing the right things for her... I do not expect it to be easy in any way but I feel like I am getting something wrong...
Also, we have both nights had a few hours of very distressed inconsolable crying - I just don't know why - it is agonizing thinking she is trying to tell me something but having no idea what.
Prob wont know any of you. Was due in July but have given birth 3 days ago 3 weeks early to my beutiful daughter Ella.
I am a bit tried at the mo so the following my not be to well written!
I feel like I am struggling/not getting a few things right. Really want to know if anyone else is having any of the same concerns.
I am BF on demand - but there is NO pattern to when, though does tend to be for 20 mins (not contsant suckling at a time.) Have not got my milk yet - how long did that take you all? I don't understand how other people seem to be reffering to feeding every 3 or 4 hours, how do they have such regularity!!?? Does getting your milk in change things??
Also, regards sleeping, she loves to sleep on/next to me. I had imagined she would be in her basket a bit more tho,,, but she is near impossible to settle there.... I put her in there after a feed, when she seems to doze off, but she will grizzle wheich will if I give it time turn to crying and I always end up picking her back up and trying to feed her again. Both nights we have sepnt at home I have eventually had her sleep in the bed next to me, she has eventually slept for a an hour or so then but I am so paranoid about sleeping near her that I don't get the sleep I thought I would when she was sleeping. It means I al always feeding her - which I don't know if she even wants - or just watching her sleep.
I don't mind that I am doing nothing but tending to her, but I am worried I am not doing the right things for her... I do not expect it to be easy in any way but I feel like I am getting something wrong...
Also, we have both nights had a few hours of very distressed inconsolable crying - I just don't know why - it is agonizing thinking she is trying to tell me something but having no idea what.
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Replies
Like you, I was BFing George on demand, but he just never seemed settled. The first few days in hospital, he was fine, but when we got home he refused his moses basket and in desperation me and DH had a sleepless night letting him sleep on us. During the day though, we had screaming at nappy changes and it always felt like we were "walking a tightrope" as to whether he would scream the place down or not.
For me, I got up the next day, feeling like death and tearful. I decided to stop BF (not that I am saying you should at all). Spoke to MW who was VERY supportive and helped me start George on the bottle (I should say that he was small for dates when he was born, so it is REALLY important that he gets enough to eat). As soon as I gave him that first bottle, he was a changed baby, and still is. He happily goes into his moses basket, and last night, I only had to get up every 3 hours for feeds. I am LOVING being a Mummy again, so whilst some people may comment on my decision, for me and George it was the right thing to do.
I suppose what I am saying is, she may just be hungry, that was true in our case, but definitely speak to your MW, as she should be able to help you too.
We have found that putting something that smells of me in the moses basket and putting a warm hot water bottle in there for a couple of minutes before we put him down has also helped a lot.
Good Luck
my little monster was 2 weeks early and turns 4 weeks old tomorrow. To be honest for the first 3 weeks I could have written your post most days. The advice which has helped me is:
- if you are bf on demand (which I am) then a pattern will emerge. Record your feeds (start time, duration, which breast - if you have an iPhone I can highly recommend the milk monitor app for this). You will see a pattern. It is easier once your milk is in.
- don't overlook the fact that your baby is early and needs to be physically close to you. Sometimes they just won't settle in the cot no matter what, she needs you. You won't get a good nights rest as you will be aware of her next to you but I find it helps to have Daniel's head resting in the crook of my arm, that way I can't roll onto him.
- do your nappy changes pre feed so she can go to sleep straight after. It can take 20 mins to hit deep sleep so try not to move her before then if she is likely to grizzle.
- listen to the types of crying, a couple of cries and a cough means hungry usually, although if she has just fed it can also mean she needs to comfort suck. Try offering her your little finger to suck, it helps to calm them and settle their tummies. We also randomly use a dummy. I say randomly because I don't want to set up a dependence on the dummy to get to sleep, but if he is struggling to settle we will offer it.
- try not to panic when she cries, easier said than done, I've definitely had my sobbing sessions telling Hubs what a crap mummy I am that I can't meet Daniel's needs because he is crying. I think it is normal to feel that way, we are all learning. If your baby is clean, warm, fed, safe, winded but still crying then she has probably just tipped over the edge into overtired and will calm down eventually. Just keep your voice low, your movements slow, make sure there are no visual or audio distractions near her, keep light physical contact and she will calm. Rocking gently or walking or bouncing lightly might help but may also wake her, it depends on your baby. You will both soon discover what works best for you.
- give yourself a break, physically and mentally. My turning point came when a group of my female friends descended on me all at once for a visit. They calmed my fears, let me talk nonsense at them, cuddled and rocked my baby and made me feel able to cope. My husband is also fantastic at calming the baby, it helps I think, that he doesn't smell of milk and is therefore just for cuddles. Find coping phrases that work for you and repeat them often, eg this too shall pass, this is a blip we'll get back on track at the next feed etc. Do remember you are 3 days in with a 3 week early baby don't worry about what you "should" be doing or what you think everyone else is doing, do what works for you. Ask people for help.
I promise you, it gets a little easier every day but you have to be kind to yourself and you have to take it slowly. Very, very slowly, but that's ok because right now the only thing you should be doing is getting to know your baby. So take the time, stay in bed if you want with the baby, give up on housework or whatever else you think you should be doing. Cry if you need to, it's good to get it out so you can stop tensing up as that may make feeds harder. I still have times when I cry and am convinced that I am rubbish at meeting his needs but it passes and I move on.
I really hope some of the above helps, but it is really what worked for me and hopefully the other ladies can tell you what worked for them and you can pull out things which work for you.
Good luck - you're going to be just fine.
He has always been quite grumpy at night and likes to feed a lot i think its their way of stocking up keep going with the bfing your lo i,will be getting enough and is telling your body how much milk they will need.
Another thing is get someone to take baby out for a drive or in pram to give you a little rest its amazing how much more positive you feel after a shower and a brew!!!