Work places less than excited?!

Smudgetake2 · Jan 27, 2011 1:35PM

Anyone else suffering with working somewhere that seems to be anything but excited about their pregnancy? I didn;t expect my workplace to be at all 'pleased,' but to at least pretend to be interested and take a vague interest! I am 22 weeks on Friday and have an obvious bump - I am a teacher and yet the school still hasn't told parents/pupils. I am starting to find the funny looks a bit embarrassing! I am a petite size 6 and no longer fit in any clothes - ppl must think I am eating constantly, surely they would think if I was pg they would have been told. I have been asked to 'keep it quiet as long as poss.' Feel a bit odd about that. I go on mat leave in 9 working weeks (because of hols etc). When will they tell them? I had my anomaly scan recently and prior to it had comments like 'gosh, that came round quick' (umm not really...took about 20 wks!) and after it someone said 'so you are actually having a baby?' (No! The bump is all cake and the vomitting is imaginary?!) Getting a bit fed up with living half my life like I am not expecting. A pupil asked me the other day if I would ever have kids and I felt bad lieing to her and for hiding my baby. Grrr. :roll:

MrsS_and_MiniMe · Jan 19, 2011 2:56PM

That sounds awful

why are they being so horrible?

I thankfully dont have that problem, everyone seems quite excited for me, especially the girls I work closely with but saying that my boss is prob happy as it mean I'll be leaving lol!

Surley they can't make you lie?

Smudgetake2 · Jan 19, 2011 3:06PM

Haha - I like that Mrs S! One way to get rid of us! I guess they're not technically being 'horrible' and to begin with I thought I would leave it as thought it would be quite funny to see how long they went without announcing it. I didn't imagine I'd get this far without parents/pupils knowing. I didn't think it would get to me but it is just starting to. We have a parent who sometimes helps in class and so obviously she knows as colleagues are aware. I used to teach her daughter and so she has told her - the other day the daughter and a friend walked past me and I overheard them say 'Is she really pregnant?' Haha... I'd rather ppl knew properly than were talking behind my back or guessing. They haven't even advertised for cover yet and I teach full time, 4 year groups and 7 subjects. It feels a bit like they think it isn't really happening. Maybe I am just being sensitive and hormonal. It also means I don't get any special treatment etc because hardly anyone knows. Shall have to make the most of it with antenatal time off - need to book parent craft and aquanatal.

baby_vivvybug · Jan 20, 2011 2:36AM

Hi,

It's rubbish that your school are being funny about it.

I'm an infant school teacher and my colleagues have all been great so I feel lucky to be so supported! However, my head also said to wait as long as possible to tell parents as I will be leaving my class before the end of the year and she's worried they will be upset about it! I see them every day so am hiding my bump (it's still quite small!) but if someone asked mr out right I certainly wouldn't lie and my head knows that!

I don't think they will be advertising maternity leave until after half term as it's still too early so. Wouldn't worry about that, if they do it too late it's there problem not yours! Maybe talk to your head and ask if you can tell your classes as they have started asking?

Hope people get more excited for you xx

Corinne_Wardle · Jan 20, 2011 5:08AM

How random for a school to be funny. Why would parents be upset about you leaving to go on maternity leave... they have all been there obviously as they have kids!

Can you go back and speak to the head about why a replacement isnt being searched for with only 9 weeks to go and how long you are supposed to keep lying for???

I think it is absolutely disgraceful that they are treating you in such a way x

Smudgetake2 · Jan 20, 2011 12:56PM

I have a colleague off on mat leave at the mo. Her baby was due march but she had her very prem on Christmas eve. They have been giving her a tough tine about when she will be back. They seem to think she should be back at Easter, which is totally wrong. It seems they are waiting to see what she does before recruiting to cover me?! Odd! It is all very disorganised. I told them straight after my 12 wk scan so that ppl knew and I could relax about it.. Here I am 21wks and they don't know! Haha. Some of the year 6 kids clearly know. I think the parents would be ok - I get on well with all of them and am sure they will be pleased for me. I just think either school are unrealistic about how fast the time will go or are too disorganised to announce it because they don't have a plan?! I don't know what I will do if one of the kids asks me outright?? Blush probably! Haha.

Smudgetake2 · Jan 20, 2011 12:58PM

I should point out I work in an independent school... Might seem more plausible with that info! Lol.

baby_vivvybug · Jan 23, 2011 5:55AM

The school can't expect you to lie! If anyone asks me then I will be telling the truth as I don't think it's right to lie then turn around a few weeks later and say actually I am!!

I've worked in an independent school and although the parents have a high expectation, I;m sure they won't be upset about you leaving. If you're still worried why not talk to your head about when they will advertise your mat leave? Have you given them your mat b1 form yet? Once they have that then it's up to them to sort it but I'm not sure if they can advertise your cover without it as you have to give them an idea of when you plan to work until? My head wants to sit down and have a meeting once I've given her my form so we can discuss what I want to do, how long I want to take and what my plans are for when I return.

Will you be going back full time? xx

Smudgetake2 · Jan 23, 2011 10:06AM

I haven't given them the matb1 yet as my mw appointment was 16 wks and next one is 24. School know this though. I have agreed with the head a date for my mat leave to start & have had a letter from them confirming this date (1st April). So they know I am going in 9 working weeks. In fact they dictated the date. My contract says I have to stop 4 wks before baby which fell a week after our Easter hols but that week had 2 days off for inset & one for the royal wedding so my head said not to come bk after hols and they would give me an extra wk of paid holiday. They are just being daft! Now 21+2 and still no announcement! Popped into town to make use of my double boots points and came out with bags laden with nappies and hubby clutching two bags from mothercare. Was spotted by a parent so don't doubt ppl have a suspicion!

baby_vivvybug · Jan 23, 2011 12:09PM

With the half a terms notice that most teachers need to give that means they have to advertise your job by feb half term so still a few weeks to go but I'd be tempted to let it slip to a nosy parent or two and wait for the news to spread!! That was my plan! My head told me to wait until I was 7 months but no way is that gonna happen!

I think schools are often funny about telling parents early as they love to gossip don't they?! One of our staff went on maternity leave after Christmas and her replacement has had a really hard time as the parents had made their mind before she started that she wouldn't be as good as their previous teacher.

I hope it gets better with your colleagues tho, it can't be nice for you xxx

Smudgetake2 · Jan 23, 2011 12:31PM

Oh my 7 months - won't people suspect by then? Surely it is worse to have people guessing than a proper, organised announcement?! My colleague made them tell at 4 months because she felt uncomfortable - both that people were 'staring' and that the school were not supporting her. Was her second though and so she had a bump from 10 odd weeks! I am only just looking pregnant now and being cold I am probably hiding it most of the time with layers. I don't think my parents are the type to publicly gossip so I would never know what they were saying/thinking! Lol. I am trying to be a bit obvious. I have a blinking car seat base in my car (haven't taken it out from practicing yet!) and have left my pregnancy notes on front seat several times. Parents often park next to me and know it is my car. Honestly..what more can I do?! Might have to wear one of those 'yummy mummy' or 'bump' tshirts! You'd have thought schools wold be really good at dealing with pregnant women! I do have one or two colleagues who are supportive/interested. Sadly my very good friend I work with is on her mat leave at the moment and so have lost my one person to gossip with! Oh well. Will just wear tight fitting things and waddle around - sooner or later they will have to say something. The male chef at school noticed my bump and discreetly asked the lunch lady if I was preggers - was very funny! He was too embarrassed to say in case I was just plumping up! I am normally a tiny size 6/8 and people spend half their time commenting on how 'skinny' I am, I am already getting some very dodgy looks about my protruding belly!

baby_vivvybug · Jan 23, 2011 3:01PM

Ha ha! I was a little pissed off when she suggested I wait until 7 months - as if I'm going to be able to hide it that long!!

Her reason is that my class changed teachers in January last year and they didn't get on with the new teacher! We are expecting ofsted any time so think she just wants to keep them sweet! But as soon as someone asks then I'm telling!!

I agree, schools should definitely be more understanding as should parents, they've all done it after all! I think my head is panicking for no reason but ofsted can make things twitchy!!

Just keep being obvious and hope someone asks you! It's one of those things that people don't dare ask until it's blatantly obvious isn't it?! I had a friend ask a lady when her baby was due and the lady said my baby is 2 years old! How embarrassing!!

Keep us posted on how it goes

xx

Smudgetake2 · Jan 23, 2011 3:37PM

That's the thing.. does anyone really ask until you're 8/9 months and it is blatantly obvious that you are having a baby! I am somewhat pleased that your head is being the same although think it is ridiculous! I thought the parents would be pretty miffed if they found out you were pregnant and oh by the way going in a week or two! Surely they'd rather have some time to get used to the idea etc. Also seems a shame to keep your class in the dark. Mine would be really excited and interested. I am sure they would love to see scan pics etc and my life would certainly be easier if I could justify feeling sick/needling the loo/my giant belly/random food choices/tiredness/spotty skin and constant need to snack!

baby_vivvybug · Jan 24, 2011 3:09PM

I've been thinking that I may just tell someone after my scan and let the news spread! I think I've kept it secret for long enough and I love the idea of talking to my little ones about it! It been even worse not telling as one of my mums is pregnant and due a week before me! Her little girl brought their scan pic in last week and it's a boy just like ours!

I hadn't really thought about how ridiculous it was until I started reading your thread but you are right, it's crazy isnt it?!

In fact I am going to blab on friday! Decision made!!

You should too! If your head wanted it kept quiet as long as possible then just say you couldn't keep it secret anymore! That's what i'll say to ours! I might even tell a little white lie and say someone asked me! How devious of me

xx

Smudgetake2 · Jan 24, 2011 3:41PM

Hehehe... I like it! A mummy came up to me today and said 'Mrs H I wanted a quick word about homework' (odd because I had only given it to children 5 mins prior) when I walked over she stared at my belly and said 'Oh, not to worry, I am sure you are busy and we will work it out!' Then her and another mum shared knowing glances! So embarrassing. I am wearing a horizontal stripe top today so prob accentuates bump. I was sat in a staff meeting with both my head and department head and my big belly bulging, which I put my hand above to highlight and I kept making 'oof' noises when I sat down/stood up and still nothing!!! Haha. The stupid thing is, I am pretty sure eveyrone knows, it is simply a case of making it official. I keep trying to think of a way to get someone else to let it slip. Maybe to leave something on my desk for kids to see or tell someone that knows someone or talk on my phone loudly about it or something. I am talking to colleagues audibly about it with the kids around so surely they have all heard (we all know what big ears they have!) Have you got someone to let slip to? A little bit of me is tempted just to see how long they will leave it. It isn't my job to make these announcements and I shouldn't have to worry about it. Plus, if anyone asks me I can play the 'they told me I had to keep it secret and it was so hard' card! Schools are such silly places! When do you go on mat leave and what are your plans after?

baby_vivvybug · Jan 24, 2011 4:43PM

So do not all your workmates know? Or is it just parents?

I have a few gossips in my class, all it'd take would be to tell a mum or two at 8.50am and it'd be common knowledge by 9am! Then once it's out it's too late to go back on and I'll just tell my White lie!

It'll be really nice not to have to pick clothes that hide my bump and be able to talk to my mums about it. Teaching little ones means I see them all the time! I teach Y1, what about you? Xx

Smudgetake2 · Jan 24, 2011 4:48PM

All my work colleagues know - just parents and pupils do not. I don't think I have any mums that I could let slip to. I think you should though if you have someone. There is absolutely no reason to hide it and would be nice to have all the other mummies cooing around you! I teach Yr 1 - 6. My form are 3/4 but we work on the basis that we teach a range of subjects to lots of classes. Bit confusing! Are you planning on going back full/part time or not at all?

Smudgetake2 · Jan 26, 2011 3:20PM

Oooh had such a funny day! My boss said the person they had in mind for my cover had 'fallen through' and so they would need to advertise (duh!). I started to say that was fine and I was happy for them to announce my pg to parents/pupils when she replied that she thought parents would assume it was for the other colleague already on mat leave?!? Anyway, I thought I'd leave it because at the end of the day she is my senior and knows better. Then at home time a mummy came up to me and pointing at my stomach and said 'Are congrats in order?' I went bright red and just had to say yes! She was really concerned about when they would be told and when I was going.. eep. Won't take long for that to spread! How are you getting on baby_vivvy?

baby_vivvybug · Jan 27, 2011 9:19AM

At least someone knows now, did anyone else say anything to you yet? Maybe let your head know so she realises it's too obvious now and probably time to announce it properly! I am sure the parents would appreciate it now!

I'm off sick, had a terrible night last night with my sickness and just couldn't manage it today! It's my scan later so when I go back Monday I'm thinking about doing my little trick of letting it slip!!

Summer-bean · Jan 27, 2011 9:29AM

I was really worried about telling my work as I have been there such a short time I work with children also (paediatric nurse) but the majority of my colleagues have been really good about it maybe cos three is always someone either pregnant or on mat leave usually at least 3 people at once! When I told my manager I could tell she was delighted for me personally but I don't think so much work wise. She did make a comment the other week when we were talking about a new paeds area in the hospital and I asked what was happening staffing wise and ahe sed we would be fine with staffing if my newly qualified nurses didn't go off on mat leave! I kno she meant it as a joke but I couldn't help feeling a bit guilty. I was finding the long shifts so hard as I had bad morning sickness until 19 weeks and my work was pretty good about swap my shifts or giving me time off which helped and it can be hard trying to avoid certain illnesses like chicken pox and meningitis so I have been stressing quite a lot it's definitely not the best job to do wen pregnant!

I think that is bad that ur work aren't acknowledging ur pregnancy,T hat is quite rude my husbands friends are like that with me (most are girls) and I find it quite upsetting like they dnt really care. don't worry before we kno it we will b on mat leave and no work for months I can't wait

Smudgetake2 · Jan 27, 2011 1:35PM

Baby_vivvy - I emailed my boss when I got home to explain what had happened and stressed how concerned the parent was about when they would find out officially and when I would be leaving. She emailed back saying she would have to tell children now the 'cat was out of the bag' and would tell kids in morning and send a letter home to parents in the evening. Got through the whole day today with nothing being said and I don't think she is around tomorrow so nothing will be said then either! Ridiculous. I can't do anymore. Shall wear a really tight top on Monday and be really obvious about it. Might even ask that mum infornt of other mums how she had guessed?! See if any other ppl chime in or atleast over hear. Sorry you aren't feeling good. Oddly enough I was feeling really ill today and almost thought about not going in but decided to brave it as didn't want it to look like I was avoiding being there if they did announce. Feeling like I am due a sick day! I've had a really dodgy chest for a while so might make a Dr appointment and ham it up to see if I get a day off!? That might raise a few eyebrows.

Summer-bean - Sounds like you have a tough job. It is alwasy hard working with kids. Mine all have a bug at the moment and seem to all be dropping with a temperature which worries me. That is good your work are being supportive. I think women are always capable of making sly comments tho! Has your boss has her own kids? My boss oldy enough has a few!! I know what you mean about friends too... some of my close female friends have totally blanked me since finding out I was pg. One didn't invite me to her bday party because I was pregnant! Hehehe. Time for a social spring clean I say!

Work places less than excited?!

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