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Advice Needed

Hey all. Been debating about posting this for some time as I don't want to be judged on it. I am currently onto pregnancy number 7. 2 live births, a stillbirth and 3 miscarriages. I was 15 when I fell on my first and as you can imagine shocked. I stayed in school and sat all my exams etc. It took 18 months for us to concieve our 2nd child who was born an angel at nearly 26 weeks. Then on our 3rd we used Clomid as I had some issues. 

With this pregnancy it seems to have happend so quickly, our doctor had told us to go back and see her in 6 months to start clomid but on the first month of trying we got our BFP. It was a text book conception. The issue I am having is that I don't seem to be bonding with this baby the same as I did with the others. I just don't feel any emotion in paticular. I think its down to it being so simple this time that I am scared it will just be snatched away so its easier to become detatched. There will be 22 months between my youngest and this one and that scares me too. What if I can't cope? I had PND after my first (have been fine since) but so scared that it could happen again. I am just terrified I will not bond with this baby. I love it, I know I do. I was so sure I wanted one more baby and now its happened I am terrified =( Anyone ever felt the same?


  • Yes! Try not worry though you still have 30 weeks (ish) to bond and kicks and wiggles, heartbeats and scans along with a bump may help.

    It's understandable to feel how you do especially given your history. I'm only just settling a little after one mc!

    You will be fine with the age gap and I'm sure your PND won't return if it hasn't so far then I think you'll be ok, you've grown as a person and travelled a long bumpy road to get to this point. If you can do that you can do anything.

    Have faith in yourself.

  • I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel, it must be so hard to believe that it has happened so quick but you deserve the bfp regardless of how easy it was to get it x
  • Hi Torch, i think it's an age gap thing! I haven't felt as bonded with this pregnancy as i did my first, but i think a lot of it is that i am racing around after Ryan all the time, so don't get as much time to just think about the new baby, if that makes sense! Have only really started to believe it's happening since he started wriggling, and seeing him at 20 week scan. I'm sure it will come


  • I felt a bit like that with my 3rd. It had taken 1 mc and 4 1/2 years to conceive ds1, 3mmc and 2 1/4 years for ds2 both with fertility treatment. All quite traumatic though not on the same level as your experiences. When ds2 we were shocked to find out of the blue baby no 3 was upon us with no planning, thought or drugs. We spent a lot of time in shock of how could this happen so easily it took a long time to get used to the idea there was 18months between ds2 and dd1 and you adapt without realising. I can't say I am at 1 with pregnancy this time yet as we have only known since Friday and again is a massive shock as I was on the pill! They best thing is to make sure you get a bit of time for yourself (easier said I know especially with little one around) with my no 3 it came at my 20 week scan when I found the sex, made it a bit more real to me. Remember that being kicked in the rigs as they are squashed later on is a lovely reminder of them bonding with you so there is plenty of time to adjust before that happens!

    Hope you feel better soon.
  • Hi Torch,

    Try not to focus too much on things it will all come with time.  You have already said that baby was planned so you know you will love & nuture it.  Bonding will happen as you get to see 'bump' growing & feel that little bean kick & punch you.

    As for the age gap, I have 21mths between my girls.  I probably had a worse time 'imagining' what life could be like whilst I carried Hannah through pregnancy whilst the 'reality' hasn't been bad at all, yes there are challenges but for the most I love having my girls so close in age.

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