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Am I losing it???

I am really losing the plot. I have had 2 meltdowns this week and just want to go to bed and never get up.

The kids have been off school since 26th June. All the schools here closed due to SF..stupid really but hey ho what can you do??? Joseph went back last week and Charlie hopefully goes on Sunday. Charlie was 4 yesterday and I feel like I am losing the will to live with him. I love him to peices but I really don't like him most of the time. I know that is the most awful thing a mum can say but i know I can be honest on here with you lot. He is so difficult that it takes me all my powers not to harm him. he wakes up and whines and moans and tantrums his way throught the day. He shouts all his needs ie..for breakfast he shouted 'I want toast' no please and no thank you. I teach my kids good manners from an early age so its not as if he does not know how he should ask me for something.

I am really scared he has something wrong. We have been down the Special needs road with Chris (dyslexic, ADHD, dyspraxic) and just dont feel like I have it in me to do it all again. It is so hard to go anywhere as he usually hits someone or pushes someone over. I run a playgroup and I have just stormed out and he pushed every kid in there in the space of 20 mins. I just picked up my bag,. put Amelia in her pram and walked out. Charlie came screaming after me. I did not speak a word to him and just put him in his car seat and drove home. Inwardly I was screaming but outwardly I remained as calm as I could. It does not help that last night Amelia woke at 10pm and did not settle till 4am for no reason whatsoever.

I react to the silliest things, burst into tears and shout/nag/scream when the smallest thing goes wrong. I jsut feel like I am losing the plot and the will to go on each day.

Thanks for reading if you got this far....... :roll:

d xxx


  • Oh Dee, sounds like you're having a sh*tty time at the mo. Sending hugs hon. A lot of it could be down to boredom, J's just a touch older than Charlie and he was the same through the summer holidays. Did my nut in to put it politely and I felt exactly like you describe so you're definately not alone and it does not you a bad mummy make!!! My suggestions would be (and I feel a bit like I'm teaching you to suck eggs cos I think you're a fabby dabby much better than me mummy lol!)
    Use a consistent method when he misbehaves. I use the 2 warnings then 4 minutes time out in the utility room with Joe. I explain why he's got timeout and he has to apologise properly before he comes out.
    Make sure you're very clear about how you expect him to behave when you're out and that he's aware of the consequences.
    Try a reward chart. We used to have a list of 5 things that he had to do in a day, starting with small ones like please and thanks then building up to bigger ones like having kind hands and feet, not being rude etc. When he did them all he got a huge smiley sticker to put on his bedroom door and 5 minutes playing on his racing game on the x box (bad mummy lol!) For 5 days of good behaviour he got to choose a treat for the weekend. The difference was amazing, even my cynical OH was impressed.
    I have been known to pretend not to hear him until he's said please or don't let go of something that he wants until he's said thankyou.
    I know it's hard with you having 4 of them at home but do you get one to one time with him? Even just a story or special snuggle with mummy might help.
    You sound like you'd benefit from some 'you' time too, am I right in thinking that Andrew works away atm or have I made that up in my head lol? Is there anyone that could have the kids for you even just for a couple of hours so you can do something pampery or just sleep. If we were a little closer to you I'd have them but a few thousand miles is a touch too far for a day trip.
    Chin up honey, you know we're here when you need to vent.

    [Modified by: ColaBottle on October 29, 2009 10:28 AM]

  • Thanks Zoe...that is great advice.

    I tried the chart a while ago but he just ate the stickers (!) and got angry when I would not give him one!

    I am going to talk to OH about been consistent as I think that is half the problem. If I hear Andrew saying 'this is your last warning' one more time then I will lock HIM in the utility room.

    He is 4 now and its time to step it up and get him sorted. Amelia is picking up on his behaviour and that is something I really want to avoid at all costs.

    thanks.... I needed a pep talk

    d xx
  • Hi Dee,

    I can't really help but i just wanted to agree with the other ladies that you're a fab mummy & definately someone i'd turn to for advice. Feel free to vent here - that's what we're here for and don't feel bad about some of the things you've said - you're only human & there's times when we will all feel like that!

    I find that the naughty step definately helped with Abigail. Toddler group was a nightmare most of the time because she'd lash out at other kids aswell. She has improved since her arthritis was diagnosed though. Perhaps the fact that i spend a lot more time 'one on one' with her has helped or the fact that she is getting some pain relief where we hadn't noticed before and just put it down to bad behaviour. We still get the daily battles like walking, she gets discomfort all the time and after a while it gets to the point where she can't walk any further and that can be quite stressful, and her physio she hates so that's a battle too. We're still trying to work out when she is genuinely in pain and what if anything is down to her age. I don't want her to use her condition as an excuse for bad behaviour - obviously i will be a little more leniant with her when i feel it's appropriate but i don't want her to know that and would like her to behave in the way that i have tried to bring her up to do so.

    Sorry i've had a ramble about myself there but what i'm trying to say is that you've done nothing wrong with Charlie - most of them go through phases at some point & it's reassuring to the rest of us that our kids aren't the only ones! :lol:

    I take my hat off to you. I lose my rag with two of them. I can't even get my head around the thought of five! xxx
  • i cant really add any more to what others have said but here is a cyber cup of tea as well
  • Hey Dee. So sorry it's such hard work for you at the mo. I haven't really got any words of wisdom aside from what's been said above. A friend is going through the same questions with her son who has just turned 4 and bites and hits a lot around others. Sh's wondering whether he's on the spectrum etc. and I can imagine many Mums ask that question when they've tried everything and nothing seems to work.

    I'd imagine part of it is attention seeking because he's no longer the baby and maybe feels like he needs to fight for your attention. I also think the point you made about your hubby and you not being consistent is a really important one. DH and I have had diffferent ways of handling things with Samuel and I notice improvements when we agree on the same strategy.

    As for you, my honest view is that you're exhausted which is making you feel completely weird and wobbly. I would be on the verge of tears a lot if my sleep was still distrupted and you have a much more manic day with 4 children at home.

    On reflection, when I had PND last year, I think it was more post-natal exhaustion really. Your ability to cope just runs right down when your energy is rock bottom. I dont know what the solution is but if there's any way you can get some extra rest and sleep then do it. So much easier said than done I'm sure.

    I also want to echo the other Mums. You are an amazing Mum and we all listen to your words of wisdom on the parenting front. Please don't feel bad for admitting the way you feel about Charlie. I had the exact same conversation with my friend Jo a couple of weeks ago when Samuel was throwing major tantrums. I said "I love him with all my heart but sometimes I don't even like him". She has two daughters and gave me the familiar nod. I think all honest mothers have moments like this.

    Take care Dee,

    J x
  • sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time at the moment, i just wanted to echo what the others have said, that yo are a fab mummy and we all get stressed some times and feel as if we are loosing the will to live!
    i would just like to say though that phoebe was a complete winging whining hitting stropping nightmare until she was 4. but since then she has just got better and better and is now at nearly 5, a completely different child who i really enjoy spending time with. not much help i know but im hoping that it will work out the same for you, and charlies behavior will turn the corner ver y soon. xx
  • thanks for all your lovely supportive replies.
    OH and I have had a good chat and we are going to praise the good with charlie and try to ignore the bad a lot more (when possible) we are doing time out and a reward chart too, I am also charting his eating to see any patterns with foods.
    We had a funny day today as we made an effort to only say nice things to each other...its really hard to do!!! It felt nice though, but very unnatural.

    thanks again...will keep you up to date.
    d x
  • hi Dee
    Only just read your post but just wanted to say that youre a fab mum and are doing all the right things. as you know, it can be a viscious circle sometimes. i think you could really do with some time out yourself. even if it's just for an hour, but I know how hard it can be to find the time.
    big ((hugs))
    Maria x
  • HI there

    I am a lot better now...I am taking it easy and trying not to stress over things so much,. Charlie is behaving a lot better so I wonder if we have been winding each other up??

    Maria...feel a complete shit moaning when you have so much on your plate. I hope Isobelle continues to improve for you..please do keep us updated.

    d xxxx
  • hi d
    so pleased you're feeling better now and charlie's behaviour is improved.
    isobelle was transferred to the Birmingham childrens hospital on Tues, but now they are going to transfer her to the Birm women's hospital so just waiting for a bed. No one has explained anything to me and i've had to make my own assumptions.
    I assume she is being treated for Necrotising entrocolitis ( very nast infection) but doesnt need surgery at the moment. That's all I know, so feeling frustrated at the moment.
    M x
  • Oh Maria you are having a tough time of it. I dont know how you manage to get out of bed (if you ever get to bed) and start each day. You are a strong woman and a credit to your family.

    Not sure what it is that Isobelle has but in 2000 I had necrotising facitis which basically is a bit like MRSA. The nectrose part stands for dead or dying tissue so i presuming its something like that?? I was in hospital for a while but with the right treatment it can be beat! Fingers crossed that Isobelle starts turning a corner soon.

    D xxxx
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