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just when i thought it couldn't get any worse!Updated

Oh my god-i feel (and look) like the living dead! Max has now decided that sleep is for whimps and he doesn't need any! A month ago i stopped the 4am feed,we'd have nights where we'd make progress and he'd fall back to sleep after an hour or so and nights where he'd be awake from 4am and i'd wait until 6am before getting him up.

The last 3nights he's woken between 1 and 2am and not gone back to sleep-at all! Last night was ridiculous, i somehow ended up in his cot with him-squished against the bars, my whole body in spasm,it was so uncomfortable. Anyway,after 2 hours, he fell asleep (3.45),hubbie gave me a firemans lift out of the cot! Back into my own bed, bliss,just nodding off-he wakes again! 30 minutes after falling asleep! ARGHHHHHH!

We're off to the hv tomorrow,i know it'll be the same shit,different day 'leave him to cry', bla bla bla! Since the weathers been so lovely,he's been playing outside after his tea-he loves the outdoors and it's hard getting him in for his bath,im wondering if it's too much excitement-were going to try quiet time for an hour before bed tonight-wish us luck!xx

[Modified by: p.bob on 06 May 2010 14:19:00 ]

Replies

  • Sorry you're having such a rubbish time! Riley goes through phases like this but only really when he's teething or ill. But I know how hard it is to get them back to sleep when they do wake! I have to sit in his room and wait for him to fall asleep on me first (after a period of screaming and crying!) then when he's asleep I have to lay him down really gently so that he doesn't wake again. Touch wood though he's not been so bad recently and he's just cut another tooth. Since I stopped letting him sleep as much in the day he's been sleeping like an angel at night, apart from the odd stir at 5.30/6am where I'll just try and ignore him and he'll normally go back to sleep for a bit.

    Hope things get better for you and the HV can be more helpful when you go see her, and good luck for tonight! x
  • Thankyou! Would you say, from listening to me offloading on here that max has a 'sleep problem', people are so dismissive saying things like 'yep, that's babys for you',' you'll never sleep again!'. My mum just laughs about it all! I wonder if I'm over reacting about it but I'm just exhausted, it's been 14 months now! I don't expect him to sleep through, I know sleep is affected by so much when they're little but it all the time . I don't know weather I need to go full on with the hv and really try to get some help. I had a 12 month 'check list' for developmental from the paediatrics department at our local hosital, he answered no to everything except 'does your baby still wake frequently at night' err? YES! I'm going to arm myself with the leaflet and try to get her to treat me seriously-there must be professionals out there who can offer better advice than 'leave him to cry' !x
  • Oh, hun! I am so sorry that you and Max are still struggling with this! Yes, I would definitely demand more help from your hv. I don't know if he has a 'sleep problem', and I know some babies don't sleep through until they are nearly 2, but this sounds as if it is getting worse and it is clearly causing problems for you, neither or which is good. You need answers and you need help, so ask for them. You and Max both deserve the best care and being fobbed off with 'leave him to cry' isn't doing either of you any good at all.

    I know that there will be a solution out there for you and I so hope you find it soon. In the meantime, any time you need to offload, you know where we are.

    Lots of love and sleepy vibes to both of you. x
  • Thanks THG, we saw the hv today-a lovely new one and she's going to give us a home visit next week so we can have a good chat and she can give us some literature on different techniques which may help. I'm so happy that someones actually listened, Im pretty sure that nothing will work (ever the optimist!ha!) but it'll be good to just talk things through and hopefully be reassured that were doing the right things. If I do find anything that helps, I'll post it here-you never know when it'll come in handy and there might be someone Reading this who's going through similar xx
  • Has he never slept through at all? I wouldn't of thought it would be a 'sleep problem' as such, and like THG said I've read some stories where some babies don't sleep through until they're around 2.
    I had to leave Riley to cry to get him to be able to self-settle and re-settle himself. It was really hard at the time and I still have to do it now occasionally which I still find really hard. I remember when I dropped his night feed that it was still quite a while before he slept straight through, I just gave him water when he woke.

    Hope you get somewhere with the new HV and the new techniques she's going to talk you through. Have you been on thebabywhisperer.com before? They've got forums aimed at different sleep techniques so you may find some people on there who are going through the same thing. x
  • I am gobsmacked by the literature the hv brought round for me this morning-it's photocopied from a book called 'toddler taming', it's mainly about controlled crying but also talks about sedation with vallergan , using 'dr greens patent rope trick' where you tie rope around the door handle and attatch it to the door of the next room to stop a child 'escaping' and for a child who comes into the parents bed each night and I quote 'if he returns a third time, immobilise doors and give a light smack'

    I am never asking for help again, I'm appauled! X
  • OMG! i don't have any advice to offer u i'm sorry, but, do u think ur hv just went back in time to a 50s library??!! i acn't believe she bought u round stuff that says to give a light smack....i thought smacking (however light) was illegal? ur obviosuly not happy with ur hv (who would be?!) and she's really not giving u any help or support, is there anyway u could request a change of hv, or are there other hvs about like at a drop in? also if u have a sure start near u, they tend to be pretty helpful and usually have qualified hvs too so perhaps contact an organisation like that...or speak to ur gp, especially if ur current hv works from/for that surgery. sorry i acn't be of any more help but u do need to get urself and max another hv, i'm shocked!

    edited to say that i'm also assuming that max isn't capable of getting to and from his room to urs (still in cot at our lo's age i would think) so even if her literature was slightly tangeable it would be irrelvant to ur situation as u have no issue of keeping max in his room by shutting the doors, he acn't get to the doors in the first place...grrr! xx

    [Modified by: WoW Baby on May 06, 2010 04:48 PM]

  • Thanks siany, she was a different hv who I actually thought was really good. To be honest I'm done with the 'professionals', I'll take max to the gp when he has a health problem but i'm not going to any baby group for any advise on any other aspect of his development. I've put him through hours of controlled crying and now they give me this crap, I'm acually really angry about it-imagine if she'd given it to parents who were abusive-it's lisence to harm your baby! Actually saying it's OK to tie rope around a door and smack your child!

    We've found something that works for us-oh sits in maxs cot from 4am-sounds insane but he's an early riser anyway and max is up at 5.30 so it's only an hour and a half, he goes straight back to sleep and at least were all getting the rest we need xx
  • Oh my god, p.bob! That's awful! Smacking aside, the idea of locking a child in its room shocks me. I accidentally got stuck in my bedroom when I was about five and it is one of the most distressing things that ever happened to me. I still think it is what made me mildly claustrophobic for most of my childhood. I would never, ever lock a child on its own in a room!

    WoW Baby, 'reasonable chastisement' is legal, which does include smacking. Hitting with an implement and/or leaving a mark are usually considered unreasonable but it tends to be up to a court in serious cases. In any event, I think a smack would be counterproductive in this situation, and doesn't apply to p.bob's situation at all!

    I am so sorry your hv is being so useless, hun. Can you talk to your GP instead? It really is unacceptable that you are getting so little and such inappropriate support. Big hugs. x
  • Thanks THG, my gp's lovely-we never get to see him for appointments that are needed asap but I may have a chat with him about this, I don't think I can ignore what's happened-I think the hv's need to be told to update their advice!

    I feel that we've made progress with max, he's more settled, I know he's never going to be a great sleeper, I don't think there's anything my gp can say to help-we've kind of figured it out ourselves for now anyway, but I really am considering seeing him to make a complaint.

    The rope technique said to tie the rope leaving enough slack so that the door could open but the childs head couldn't fit through-my god, ropes and gaps in doors, i feel like crying actually, I would never EVER dream of doing anything like that and smacking a child who tries to climb into bed with you?!! I'm just horrifiedx
  • pbob, yes id defiantely think u shlmd speak to ur gp about putitng a complaint in...also in time perhaps ur oH could go from being in the cot, to sitting on a chair right next to the cot, then gradually move the chair away of a period of time.....THG, thats interesting to know, i alwayts thought it was completely outlawed, not that i'm considering smacking austin, lightly or otherwise, but its good to know what the actual law is.

    hmm, slack rope and gaps in doors sound slike a disaster waiting to happen! also could u imagine if there was a fire? u'd have to untie a load of rope to get to ur lo! i dread the thought!
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