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Smoking around our new babies :-/

Afternoon all

This is my first post on the site for aaaaages, as I have had a long and stressful journey on the way to becoming a mummy and so haven't wanted to tempt fait!!!

As the time approaches (4weeks to go), I am getting more and more stressed about the potential for family rifts re smoking habits around our precious little girl!!

My mil has said a few times that she wants the baby to stay at hers and for her to babysit at hers, but she only confines her smoking to one room/out the back door, when one of her grandchildren is actually there and to me- that's just not good enough, as the house still smells strongly of smoke.

I just don't know whether to engineer visits so that they come to us (where smoking only goes on outside) or make a point of saying prior to the birth, that contact will only really take place at our house?!?!

Whilst I don't want to make a big deal about it, it is something we both feel strongly about and Whilst we would prefer to just have it happen naturally that we have them to visit here, mil has made it clear she wants to babysit etc at her house, so I don't think we can ignore it much longer.... :?

Any ideas on a peaceful resolution very welcome!!!

Thanks for reading and I hope we are all nicely settling into maternity leave image

Emma x


  • Hi there image

    This is such an emotive issue isn't it. My best friends mum has always smoked heavily & my friend actually told her that if she still smoked she wouldn't be allowed to look after the baby due to the harm lingering gases etc can do. She has amazingly been quit smoking now for 6 months! Whilst that is quite extreme I can totally understand it. Thankfully none of our family or close friends smoke so it isn't an issue for us but I think it is something that you & your OH need to decide about and stick to your guns with otherwise if your child does develop something like asthma (soooooo common and not at all always linked to smoking), then you will always wonder & question your decision. I would maybe print out information to show your mil why you have an issue with it & just explain as gently (but firmly) as possible what you want. Things like this are too important to not say anything for fear of causing upset.

    Good luck....

  • Thanks Ruth- I know it's the only thing we can do, as ultimately our child is our responsibility, I'm just not sure whethere to broach it in advance of it becoming a big deal, or respond when it does kick off!!!

    Might have another chat with dh and get something planned out :-/

    Thanks again- ps your baby looks lovely & content there image

    Emma x
  • I'm in the same position. OH's mum smokes in the kitchen at hers but her house stinks of it and so does OH when he goes or brings something back from there. She's just lost her daughter though and don't want to sound harsh saying I don't want her only grandchild going to hers and she doesn't drive so would have difficulty getting to ours. My OH has said he'll make sure that no-one is smoking but isn't the third hand smoke dangerous too?
  • Angel, my mum was an asthma/copd nurse for years (is now retired) & I remember her saying there was a study done showing a link between third-hand smoke & asthma. I've just googled it and found this - - I guess anything that you can do to minimise exposure is best but it does seem like some remnants will always linger. Really hard situation, hope you find a way round it...x
  • My MIL (and the rest of the in-laws) all smoke, and I just refused point blank to be in the house if it stank of smoke, both while pg and then with DD (I also wash *everything* they give us as presents as it always stinks of smoke). It may have been easier to take such a hard stance as I used to smoke quite heavily too, so could say with confidence that if they didnt like it, they could just stop - I did!

    They still insist on smoking in a closed room, with all the windows shut, with my niece and nephew in the room though, but my SIL is a total moron so doesnt surprise me in the slightest. MIL has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer and we had to spell out to them why her stopping smoking, and them NOT smoking round her was vitally important in her not dying!!

    They did try the "we only smoke out the back door" thing, but I said the house still stank of smoke, so that wasnt good enough. MIL tried to do that at at our house and was most put out to be kicked up the bum by DH out into the garden and the door firmly shut on her!! I also make anyone who smokes wash their hands before they touch the baby...mind you, I've also had to remind MIL and in-laws that it might be a nice idea to wash their hands after changing nappies - they're not the cleanest bunch!!
  • my bro smokes and he isnt allowed to do it in my house or smell of it around imogen or no2 when she arrives. simples.

    its a choice they make to harm their bodies, not my childs. Even the smell makes me gag so i avoid anyone that smokes in all honesty.
  • Thanks ladies- glad to know it's not me just being over-protective then- we all have valid concerns!!!

    I raised it with dh last night and he said he will tackle it and just tell it like it is- the baby won't be exposed to smoke in any form, as long as we can help it and that will mean she has to change her ways!

    Will see what the fallout is.... image

    Thanks again xx
  • G/C but just wanted to say this is also something I feel really strongly about. Me and hubby have never smoked, none of my family smoke but most of hubby's family do. I said right from the start I'm not having baby going to any houses where people smoke inside. I don't care if people think I am being OTT, it's my job to protect my little boy as he can't do it himself and I don't want him breathing in other people's poison! Stick to your guns, you are not being unreasonable. And good luck for your imminent birth, I hope it goes well! X
  • I totally agree. I used to smoke even just before I got pregnant. never heavily thogh just socially and I always smoked outside, just got used to it what with the smoking ban. I haven't had one whilst pregnant and don't think I even want one.

    I was worried too as my MIL and FIL both smoked heavily in the house but decided to give up about a year ago and have stuck with it so that's great! I was worried as she had already said about having a spare room just for the baby but I knew I wasn't going to loet a baby sleep there unless something happenend about the smoking. So now it has I have no need to worry.

    It is your baby...sod everyone else! If they can't see where you arfe coming form and will fall out about it then tough luck to them...but I am sure it won't come to that.

    Hope it goes ok x
  • Thanks magpie & Sophie- think dh will be tackling the issue this weekend- she will def think it's down to me being ott, but like you say, it's irrelevant what she thinks really- it's not even really a matter of opinion- there's tonnes of evidence to back up these concerns!

    Good luck with the births ladies- I'm not far behind you Sophie image

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