Wrecked body, hubby not interested anymore :(
I'm new to this type of thing, but I feel like I can't really go to anyone I know about this issue and I just need to know what I can do. I had a beautiful baby girl in March 2013 and I unfortunately got a ton of stretch marks all over my belly, thighs, breasts, sides, and hips... I also have some extra skin on my belly that just didn't shrink back and can't get to go away, so now I have a poochy overhang when I wear jeans that don't come above my belly button.
Since my six-week checkup, we have only been intimate three times. Usually, it is quite romantic but it has not been. He acts like he is no longer interested, and like he no longer finds me attractive due to my new flaws. Has anyone else had problems like this? And if so, what have you done to get your husband to treat you like he did before?
Replies
Bless your heart babe, I know how u feel I was the same after my first. Ur baby is only a few months old, it took me almost a year to lose my baby weight and I still have stretch marks and a mummy tummy. ur hubby isn't not interested I'm sure, they just see us in a new light now, we've gone from being the girlfriend/wife to being a mummy and if your not feeling confident and sexy in urself they pick up on that. He's also prob getting to grip with being a dad himself and all this new responsibility. Ur both tired and don't have as much time for each other. Making a baby takes a long time so it goes without saying that it can take while to lose the weight - I would recommend Pilates for toning up though, I lost almost 4 stone doing this and eating healthy very relaxing aswell. Does he know how ur feeling? I bet if you sat down and told him, he's reassure you and put ur mind at rest chick. My situation got worse before it got better, we actually split up for 2 weeks in the end and then I found out hed kicked me and the baby out for 2 weeks do he could see someone else behind my back! But I think I brought a lot of that on myself and once we got back together things did improve. We've got baby number 2 on the way now and I know ill do things s lot differently this time. We never sat down and talked about stuff I just let it build up till it got so bad we had to have a break, so I'd deffo recommend sitting him down n having a chat. He might be feeling the same, Ian always said he felt like I was pushing him away but I wasn't I just felt too insecure to let him near. Good luck chick (oh and aftrr getting down to a size 8 im now back up at a size 12 and have gained the 4 stone i lost lol and he's not bothered one bit!) i think it bothers us more than them xxx
I have tried to initiate and show/tell him I still think of him in an intimate way. I've put myself down in front of him and he SAYS that my flaws don't mean a thing to him, but I think he is lying about that. And I am the one up at all hours of the night breast feeding, changing diapers, etc.. and most nights I make a point to sleep on the floor in her room so that he can get some sleep without being woken up by her hungry cries. I just don't know what to do. He has said that we "don't have time for intimate sex, just get-er-done sex" so I've tried that approach and he puts me down and then says "you're never intimate anymore" and complains we never cuddle or anything anymore. So tonight, I come up behind him and kiss him on the neck and tell him I love him and he squirms away and says that it's late and he isn't in the mood. I feel so unloved by him right now.
Bless you, is there anything stressing him out particularly at the mo? Problems at work or any health problems? X
Sorry.. I don't know what "mo" means :-/
But, he is very busy. He is a teacher, junior high football coach, and a preacher. But he was all those things when we got married. The only thing that's changed is my body being destroyed and ME staying up all night and day with our baby girl. I just don't know what to do. I can't undo the damage pregnancy has done to my body.
Hi Chick,
You say the only thing that has changed is your body and you staying up for the baby. That's just not the case - a LOT changes when you have a baby. Your whole life has become focussed on your little girl, and it's natural that your husband will see you in a slightly different light as a mother. I know a lot of men feel a bit jealous after a baby is born, as suddenly your time and energy all day is spent on the baby, and there is less time for you both.
I know you have spoken to him once already, but perhaps it is worth sitting down with him again and going through your concerns - it sounds like you could also do with some help from him with the baby if you are doing everything, and that this is making you feel a bit unloved too. Try and not get defensive - if he is telling you your flaws don't mean anything to him, then you need to trust him on that.
It sounds like you are feeling a little self-concious at the minute as well and that can't be helping your sex life. I also had a little girl this March, and I can reassure you that I have also still got stretch marks and a spare tyre! Give yourself a break - it took you 9 months to put the weight on - you can't expect it to all be gone 3 months down the line!
xx
I agree with ag17, good answer. And by mo I meant moment
things will settle down I'm sure. You're both obviously very busy with different things and its bound to be hard but plz dont feel down on Yourself. Your stretch marks and mummy tummy are a sign of the amazing thing your body has just done x
If baby is only 3mths old then you're still fairly early on in your new family life. Things do change having a baby around & it isn't unusual for relationships/marriages to feel some strain. Odds are most of the feelings you have about your partner are shared by him in that he may feel you are more interested in baby (especially if you are spending a lot of time at night not being in bed with him but looking after baby) & that you have forgotten him or he is 'second in line'.
Don't forget that men need to adjust to a new baby too & that they also can suffer with PND. Don't be afraid to ask for help & support sometimes, you are entitled to 'you time', getting friends/family to watch baby for an hour so you & OH can grab a meal together can make all the difference. It will get easier with time. Xx