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Can't do anything right :(

Hi ladies
Bit of an O/T here but I need to moan at someone and I know you ladies are always kind about these things.
I've been back at work this week as they've asked me to go in for a special task. Then I get to continue my leave for another 4 weeks. I don't mind doing it, but it has meant leaving OH with C earlier than expected. But I imagined everything would be ok.

I don't know what your relationships are like with your OHs but mine, since C arrived, has just gone completely downhill. He's so bad-tempered and moody it's unreal. Plus I honestly cannot do anything right at the minute. If I leave him alone to get on with looking after her while I work (I sometimes work from home) I can sense the foul mood. Tonight I could hear her crying for ages so I went in to give a hand - not criticise, just take her off his hands for a bit - and he also looked like I'd proper insulted him and he gave me crap about it. I even told him "Let me give you a break for a bit" but he obviously heard "You're crap, give me the baby". I can't do right for doing wrong. And it's not just to do with her it seems to be everything at the moment. He talks to me like crap.

Maybe he's struggling to come to terms with his new "house-husband" role? Who knews. I'd say it was definitely that if he hadn't been like a woman in her worse PMT phase for the past 4 months. Has anyone else's husband changed? It's like if my hubby doesn't get a full night's sleep he's in such an awful mood all the time. It was ok when he was working and I wasn't (except weekends when he'd do some nightfeeds) as he'd sleep right through her crying and everything. Now I have to actually physically wake him up to get him to deal with her at night. I may as well do the nightfeeds myself as I have to wake up anyway. GAH.
Reading this back I'm mixing so many things but I really have so many complaints at the minute!!! And I'm tired of him treating me like rubbish when up until now he's always been so gentle and kind. It's like Mr Hyde has come out to play after years of having Jekyll!!

Don't expect any answers ladies, just needed a rant.


  • ahh i feel for you cause mine is the same he seems on edge and if charlies crying more than i would expect i go in to give him a second opinion as to what to do (babies sense if your getting wound up or stresssed). But as you say he hears your rubbish ill do it its soo annoying as its never ment that way! he seems to be calming down as charlie is getting older which is a relief so hoepully be the same for you image x x
  • Awe hunny I'm sorry he's being a grump! Maybe it is a bit daunting for him & maybe he's not so confident and he does think you do it better, I mean that he's not believing in himself enough!? I don't know really, my friend is having similar issues, oh slamming doors and being snappy with her lo, she says he's told her he doesn't want anymore and he's told me he sometimes wonders if he's cut out for it all. I have wondered if he's depressed tbh.. I'm not saying your oh is at all.
    I don't have many wise words sorry hun, here if you need a chat ever xx
  • Yes we have the same issue & if I'm honest I have given up asking the majority of the time & just do everything myself. He has been slightly better over the last couple of weeks but if I ever offer advice or ask what they have been up all hell breaks loose & apparently I am accusing him of not being able to look after our son. He storms off in temper tantrums sometimes.

    It does sound like hes daunted by his new responsibility. Have you tried talking to him hun? Easier said than done though, my DH takes that conversation as a double insult! Sorry Im no help at all xxx
  • Oh hun. After writing a massive post on another thread I've got to shoot off to do the dreamfeed. But you're not alone.... I can't do right for doing wrong with anything at the moment (although I must admit he's not much better off either lol!). Things between us are either fab or awful these days!
    It must be so tough for you being away from corynn and a big adjustment for your hubby too, hopefully things will fall into place soon xx
  • Sending you loads of hugs Mitxi, men are a strange race and I hope things get brighter for you soon x
  • Hi girls, thanks for the kind words. I'm in a way glad to see I'm not the only one but not because it means some of you are in the same boat and it's crap!
    Hopefully it's just a phase and I'm pretty sure it's all to do with sleep in his case (or lack of it). I know lots of the maybies are now sleeping through but we're still up twice a night unfortunately. But then again, it's tough s*** isn't it! I'm tired too but I'm not in a foul mood all the time.
    you're right there BG, men ARE a strange race! And like you Kayssis we're either great or rubbish, there's no middle ground. I'm trying to take my share of the blame but at the minute I'm tired of fixing a fake nice voice and smile when I'm fed up of his snapping!!
    Oops,that turned into another mini-rant. I'm going off to the swimming pool to work off some stress image
  • dude, i know where you're coming from! im gonna write a lengthy reply when hubby isnt in the same room image hugs xxxxx
  • Look forward to it! x
  • I completely understand where you're coming from! I have the same with my hubby. I think I contribute to it though, as I'm pretty much always there (still bf, so can't leave her for too long as we've not yet got a workable alternative!).

    I think it's a big adjustment for them, and that doesn't happen until the baby is born. We've in effect had an extra nine months to get used to having a baby, we've had to give up foods, drink, all but the most gentle of exercise etc etc, whereas for them it probably doesn't feel really real until the baby arrives.

    I know I'm really narky at the moment. When hubby says things like "should she be spending more time on the floor" (if I put her on my lap because she starts grumbling when I've just put her down) "do you think she's getting used to us doing everything for her" (if I pick up a toy that she's thrown and give it back - her new game), "X's baby sleeps through the night" or "we're too reliant on the dummy at night" I take it as a criticism of my parenting, which it probably isn't.

    But I supose I'm just as bad as when I'm going out, the most is for 2 hours when I go for a swim and do the shopping on a Sunday, I say things like "what if she cries" "what if she needs feeding" and he probably thinks the same.
  • I feel for you too honey, my hubby hasn't been as "hands on" as I thought he would be, and I feel a bit taken for granted tbh, ok I'm on maternity leave but I do EVERYTHING and a little in return whether looking after lo or even me would make a nice and welcome change. I can feel the resentment growing which will come out at some point, and I just hope it's not a horrible row image

    To top it all I think he has man flu now too - which I'm to blame for as I have a cold! Aaaaaghhhhh!

  • Sending you big hugs..... I hope things turn around soon!! xx
  • Hello hon, as with the others my hubby does barely anything!!!! He is in the army and away alot so it is hard. When he does come back Freddie rarely settles for him. I just take over and we figure he will get used to him over time.

    He has NEVER taken Freddie out of the house without me!!!! I have not had a break at all and haven't left him for more than 20 mins as am BFing and he won't take a bottle!!

    He also wakes in the night so am knackered. I think these men just have a real adjustment to make. I just get on with it and try not to make too many comments to him (although it is hard I always feel like I am standing over his shoulder!!!)

    Sending hugs xxx
  • Shame hun it sounds like you are really having a hard time with this. I think its really common for relationships to come under huge strain during this phase of babies.

    Regarding the two feeds at night... I am sure you can start Corynn on solids surely?? I was advised to give Sam solids when he added in another feed at night and within 3 days he had dropped the 2am feed... much to my relief.
  • Thanks girls, We've had a few better days since this rant. Basically I think because after this I told him the same things (perhaps not in such nice words, either!) and he probably saw how fed up I really am.
    I know it's a big adjustment for him (and all our OHs) but, honestly, do they really think it isn't a big change for us too?
    I know what some of you mean about "hands-on" too. Before Corynn was born everyone would go on about what a wonderful Dad he would be and how I would probably not get a look-in. So for me it's been a bit of a shock to see that this isn't exactly the case. Now she's more "fun" so to speak he's more interested. He loves to make her laugh so he's getting more into the role now.
    This is definitely the biggest test we've faced and I think we've had it a bit hard at the beginning what with me recovering slowly from the section and her having awful colic... better times are ahead I know they are! (PMA this morning).
    Foxinsocks: we're starting her on some solids this week! Hopefully you are right and we'll get some well deserved sleep then image
  • I am sure her colic must have put a huge strain on you guys. It sounded so hectic.
  • I just wanted to say that i agree with so much that has been posted, particuarly what Mrs Bear said about us having 9 months to get used to the idea and it kinda hits the men hard when the baby arrives. My hubby actually started off pretty bad with DS but as he got older he really came into his own. Now DS is 3 and tbh he is awesome with him. He doesn't spend as much time with DD but it is hard as she is still EBF so he tends to entertain DS alot while I am feeding etc. I am sure things will get better.
    As Foxinsocks said, I just don't know how you got through that Colic phase.
    Also, thanks for the advice, our Spanish holiday went well.
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