I cant believe this - I dunno what to do !

Lambchop80 · Jan 28, 2011 2:30PM

You've seen my post before about my sister, well my Mum just phoned me and told me some more info and i'm in a mess I dont know what to do !

Basically my sister has cut her wrists ! She's ok and seen the doctor and been referred to counsilling but I hate to hink of her going through that. I cut my wrists for many many years before getting help so I know what a downward spiril it can be and I'm terrified she'll go the same way I did.

AND her husband who decided to stay in the marriage spent all day yesterday with the other woman leaving my sister home alone !! How the hell can he think its ok to see this other woman, he's still telling my sister he doesnt know what he wants and i'm sure he's only with my sister coz of his parents !

My sister is refusing to end the marriage saying she's not going to be the one to do it and if he wants to go he has to leave himself but I dont think he will (at least not for a while) as he's scared of his parents disowing him. This must be destroying her inside and I dont know what to do.

Mum has tried to talk to her and help her but getting no where. My hubby has gone to see her this morning as he's worried about her (bless him) but I feel like I need to do something and I dont know what.

i've suffered with bad depression in my day and did some stupid things to myself because of it and i'm terrified my sister will go the same way.

MummyToZakAndSofia · Jan 27, 2011 5:48AM

Oh dear, I can totally sympathise with you both too. When I was about 21 I had a really tough time of it and really hurt myself badly and gave my family the shock of their lives. Its such a horrible dark place to be in (depression) and the only way you can get through it is with the help and support of your friends and family. I too was offered counselling but it wasn't for me. It is for some people but for others they just need those close to them. Her husband sounds like a right sh!t, an arrogant selfish bast@rd and I hope she see's sense soon through her love mist. Hope all gets better for you soon xxxx

golden_girl · Jan 27, 2011 6:13AM

OMG! Your poor sister, i'm sorry to hear things have gotten so bad. The piece of s**t that has done this to her, my god you must want to swing for him - I do & it's not even my sister!

I was thinking after your other posts that probably the best thing that could happen is if he just left & although it would be hard for your sister she would have no choice but the get on with it & move on. Him staying is only prolonging her agony.

It seems it's going to affect her alot more than this though. Is there a family member she can stay with? When I seperated from my hubby for a short time it really helped not being alone, I would have gone into a dark place i'm sure if my family had not been around.

I do think he's going to have to be the one to walk out but he's clearly got no balls so probably won't.

It seems like he's trying to preserve himself in all this & do what is going to be easiest for him.

I'm so, so angry for you chick. It sounds like your hubby is a dote. I hope you are o.k, your stress levels must be through the roof...

:x

Lambchop80 · Jan 27, 2011 6:58AM

Well hubby just called me as he's left my sisters. Turns out that my bil is seeing his girlfriend EVERY day !! Freely admits to my sister that he is sleeping with both of them !!

My hubby has told her she needs to be strong and make a decision today. Either he stays and she ensures he has nothing more to do with this woman or he goes, i'm still not sure my sister will do that. She kept telling my hubby she wont be the one to end the marriage, she refuses to tell my bil to leave but he's not gonna go whilst he gets sex from both sides and my sister still doing all his cooking, cleaning, washing etc !

Hubby reckons my sister was dosed up to the eyeballs aswell which is a big worry, and through all this her hubby has no care for her and no respect for her !

God i'm so angry and stressed and just :evil: :x

MaddyW · Jan 27, 2011 7:04AM

OMG!!!!! First off, I am SO sorry about all this. How awful.

I was thinking, rather than speaking to your sister, who obviously is having an awful time at the moment, can someone not appeal to her hubby to leave? For her sanity and safety? He doesn't sound like he has any morals at all, if he is freely admitting to seeing both at the same time, however, does he not understand how he is hurting her? Could he not just move out for a bit? Give her time?

I admire you all lots, I would have seriously kicked him in the balls. He wouldn't be able to sleep with anyone for a while.

Garfield24sBoys · Jan 27, 2011 7:24AM

I know that his parents have said he will be disowned if he leaves her, but do they realise how much stress etc its causing her with him still being there - do they even know that he's still seeing this other woman daily? Perhaps if somebody were to speak to them about what he's doing they might push him into a decision - if they disown him anyway regardless of if he's still at the house with your sister then it might be enough to prompt him to leave. A hard way of going about it, but if they realise that him staying is causing her to cut herself and it isnt going to make the marriage work, then they might just push him out the door so to speak. She should not be the one to leave the house, so if she does tell him its over, make sure he's the one to get kicked out!!!

I really hope that he b*ggers off so that she can concentrate on getting better and over this. Lots of love xxxxx

justttc · Jan 27, 2011 7:55AM

This is awful!

I havent read the whole other thread, just what you posted initially.

I am at a loss to suggest. I would be having a few strong words with him though thats for sure!

Picklesx · Jan 27, 2011 8:07AM

Oh hun!

I'm so sorry I don't have any advice, I wish your sister was able to end the marriage because she deserves so much better.

xxx

nowamrsm · Jan 27, 2011 8:47AM

thats awful for your sister i was going to suggest the same as garfield maybe someone should talk to his parents and tell them whats hes doing to your poor sister and the state shes in after all it will be affecting there grandkids. i dont condone vilence but maybe some should kick the shit out of him.

golden_girl · Jan 27, 2011 8:52AM

Couldn't help but LOL at nowamrsm's comment - said so matter of fact.

Indeed, it would be nice to see an update from Lambchop that he has 'gone missing'.

lucyah · Jan 27, 2011 3:06PM

justttc - "a few strong words"?! id string him up by his bollocks! :evil:

have you tried talking to her yourself lambchop?? if she knows youve been feeling down in the past and managed to pick yourself up then she will see theres hope for her? she has to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but staying with that cheating arsehole isnt helping her! no-one likes the idea of their marriage breaking down, but does she really want to bring her children up in such a shit circumstance?

i hope you update us with some good news soon!!

Lambchop80 · Jan 27, 2011 3:25PM

I called her tonight but she's adamant that she refuses to be the one to throw him out, she wants him to make the choice himself (although he has said he'd let her know by next friday).

I told her she shouldnt be sharing a bed with him let alone sleeping with him, dunno if that got through.

She just kept saying she really loves him, he is her life and although she knows he needs to make the decision she is hoping he wont go.

I told her to write down what her stipulations will be if he stays, ie cut all contact with this woman, help with the boys more, stay at home more at weekends etc and likewise if he goes ! I told her to do this as when she has tried talking to him about this apparently he tells her to stop nagging !! :roll: :roll:

She even said if he left and moved in with this woman and then realised the grass wasnt greener on the other side and asked to come back that she's probably take him back

I'm really at a loss, its like she cant see him for what he really is and what he's really doing and it breaks my heart !

fizzlebiscuit · Jan 28, 2011 6:59AM

Hi

I didn't want to read and run. I really feel for you and your sister. I can understand how worried you must be for her. I just hope she makes the right decision. I hope you have lots of support as well as it must be so upsetting for you

xx

-Bliss- · Jan 28, 2011 9:58AM

That's awful. You are doing all you can to help her though. It really comes down to her choices now. Hopefully her hubby will leave her, that seems to be the best thing that could happen. When she is being so accepting of all his behaviour though, he knows he's got it good and can do whatever he wants! So I think he'll keep his options open and your sis hanging on.

I think as the others have suggested speaking to his parents or him directly may have some effect. But it sounds like he is a completely selfish a%^&hole so I doubt he cares what anyone thinks! I can't remember if they have children?! If they do then he is being even more selfish!!

Really hope things work out. Hugs to you and your sis xx

lucyah · Jan 28, 2011 2:30PM

i feel so frustrated for u lambchop, i really do! if that was my sister id slap some sense into her (in the nicest possible way- dont take offence!)

it must be heartbreaking watching her go through all this. im angry myself about it all and im just reading whats happening!!

has she thought about whether he is using contraception with this other woman? what if he brought something nasty back with him? what if he got her pregnant?!

lets hope he has an ounce of decency and leaves her, for her own good, and lets her get on with her life without being treated like a doormat!

I cant believe this - I dunno what to do !

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