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Getting my head around it
I mentioned that we're putting ttc a brother or sister for Amber on hold with me finding out I have liver problems, it's been a pretty big knock for us but it looks like Amber will be an only child after all, we've been going thorugh it a lot over the last couple of days. Everything is stacked against us having another baby.
My liver condition means that it's likely I wont ovulate, I have to be on immuosuppresants for the rest of my life and I couldnt come off them even during a pregnancy, then if I ever was to become pregnant, the risk of spontaneous miscarriage is very high as is the risk of premature birth and thats if we become pregnant. With all that to consider, we know for sure we couldnt put ourselves, Amber or any future little bean through that risk it's just too cruel and we have been sooo lucky with Amber, she really is a special little girl.
I think she is our little shining light, given to us in our little window of opportunity for having a child and after going through a very emotional few days we both know how grateful we are to even have our little Amber. She amazes me every day with her cheerfulness. Literally everybody who meets her says she lights up a room with her smiles and her giggles, she is honestly the happiest, most easily pleased little baby I've ever met! I just want to nurture that sweet nature she has now becasue there really is something special about her, she's like a bright shining star, who giggles and laughs and draws anybody in. She is such a beautiful child inside and out who will grab anyones attention and charm them with her chatter and smiles - I feel so lucky and honestly dont know where she gets it from!! But I see it in her so I want to make sure she stays like that becomes a really beautiful person in every way.
So we couldnt ask for more and that's why I think we have to get our heads around not having any more children so that we can focus on Amber and not dwell on what could have been. It obviously wasnt meant to be, and I've been very emotional about it the last couple of days but I think I can come to terms with it even though I feel like Ive been hit by a steam train emotionally, there's no 2 ways about it really, we cant have any more children and I do now realise just how much I wanted to, but knowing how lucky we are to have Amber is kind of helping me come to terms with it.
I think I'm getting there but it's only been a couple of days to think it through, I'm still all over the place emotionally, and swaying from being able to accept it and being realistic to being quite thoughtful and dwelling over it, and teary and giving Amber extra cuddles and kisses. It's just a lot to take in I guess. One minute I think Ive got my head around it and the next Im going off in a tangent! But I think we can accept it.
xxx
[Modified by: Amber-Lou's-Mum on 15 April 2010 22:39:36 ]
My liver condition means that it's likely I wont ovulate, I have to be on immuosuppresants for the rest of my life and I couldnt come off them even during a pregnancy, then if I ever was to become pregnant, the risk of spontaneous miscarriage is very high as is the risk of premature birth and thats if we become pregnant. With all that to consider, we know for sure we couldnt put ourselves, Amber or any future little bean through that risk it's just too cruel and we have been sooo lucky with Amber, she really is a special little girl.
I think she is our little shining light, given to us in our little window of opportunity for having a child and after going through a very emotional few days we both know how grateful we are to even have our little Amber. She amazes me every day with her cheerfulness. Literally everybody who meets her says she lights up a room with her smiles and her giggles, she is honestly the happiest, most easily pleased little baby I've ever met! I just want to nurture that sweet nature she has now becasue there really is something special about her, she's like a bright shining star, who giggles and laughs and draws anybody in. She is such a beautiful child inside and out who will grab anyones attention and charm them with her chatter and smiles - I feel so lucky and honestly dont know where she gets it from!! But I see it in her so I want to make sure she stays like that becomes a really beautiful person in every way.
So we couldnt ask for more and that's why I think we have to get our heads around not having any more children so that we can focus on Amber and not dwell on what could have been. It obviously wasnt meant to be, and I've been very emotional about it the last couple of days but I think I can come to terms with it even though I feel like Ive been hit by a steam train emotionally, there's no 2 ways about it really, we cant have any more children and I do now realise just how much I wanted to, but knowing how lucky we are to have Amber is kind of helping me come to terms with it.
I think I'm getting there but it's only been a couple of days to think it through, I'm still all over the place emotionally, and swaying from being able to accept it and being realistic to being quite thoughtful and dwelling over it, and teary and giving Amber extra cuddles and kisses. It's just a lot to take in I guess. One minute I think Ive got my head around it and the next Im going off in a tangent! But I think we can accept it.
xxx
[Modified by: Amber-Lou's-Mum on 15 April 2010 22:39:36 ]
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Replies
Em x
Big hugs xx
But I have to echo what Alison and the other girls have said, you dont know what might happen in the future.
Just enjoy every minute with Amber, she sounds like a fab little girl.
You know, we should meet up one day seen as we are just down the road from each other!!
Nici and Sophie xxx
I did just need to get my thoughts down last night but now im feeling a lot more level headed and optimistic in general so I realise I was talking far too much like it was all final - and it might not be lol!
Everytime - I always get ahead of myself and think things through to the end point instead of just one step at a time, with everything, slap my wrist - Im going to have to try and stop it - its pointless really and gets me nowhere!
Nici - It would be nice to meet you - youre only at the other end of Chester Road how easy is that! if we swap numbers shall we arrange something?
xx
I will send you a message on fb with my number and we must arrange something - it will be lovely to meet you and Amber
xxx