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Trying to fit in
Just a bit of a moan really. Ive been trying to go to a mothers group for the past 2 months or so after arriving here and I just find it so hard. The time they have it is bang on sleep time (12:30 - 2:30) and I just cant have Brody take catnaps here or there in his pram like they all seem to do with their babies. His lunch time nap I get him down in his cot and he sleeps 2 hrs. If he misses it or takes a catnap instead he is a nightmare, understandably because he is overtired. So Im always late for mothers group and find it so hard to just "fit in" if you know what I mean. Especially being so late all the time and catching only the last 20 mins or so. Last week I followed someones advice to just go on time and see what happened. What happened was a disaster. Brody had a nightmare afternoon followed by a nightmare night with several wakings. Then today I went and had to be back for 2pm for his nap. Ok, but then i couldnt get away and was 15 mins over and he fell asleep for 2 mins in the car on the way home. That was enough for him then to be too overtired to go back to sleep in his cot. Its taken me over an hour to get him down with much resistance and our stress levels running high. This is not good. And all so I can try and make friends and have him mix with other babies his age??? Is it worth it? I feel Im an outsider to the group having joined them so late - at 5 months - and Im always late arriving each week. I feel like an outsider trying to nudge in on a clique group of schoolgirls. Im 35!! Not 15!
I just feel so crap and on my own all the time as since Im not working Im finding it hard to make friends here and this seemed my only avenue to do so. There was a get together at one of the girl's houses on Sunday, so we could all meet with our partners. I never got the invite even though I asked her to add me to the list. She said she did but I didnt get it. So she said she'd send it again. It started at 130 on Sunday, which was when she bothered to send me the details of her address etc. Bit late dont you think? What was I supposed to sit on my email for days clicking on refresh waiting for the invite to come through? By then Id made other plans as I wasnt going to go begging again for an invite. Today they asked why I wasnt there and I said I didnt get it til it was about to start and she (sat next to me) didnt even apologise. I just thought it was so rude! Maybe Im too accommodating for others but if the roles were reversed Id be bending over backwards to make a newbie feel welcome and I certainly wouldnt be excluding them.
Anyway, I just feel mad about trying to fit in with something that is just causing more of a disruption with Brody than it may be worth.
x
P.S. it seems awfully quiet in here these days. I guess with people starting to go back to work.
I just feel so crap and on my own all the time as since Im not working Im finding it hard to make friends here and this seemed my only avenue to do so. There was a get together at one of the girl's houses on Sunday, so we could all meet with our partners. I never got the invite even though I asked her to add me to the list. She said she did but I didnt get it. So she said she'd send it again. It started at 130 on Sunday, which was when she bothered to send me the details of her address etc. Bit late dont you think? What was I supposed to sit on my email for days clicking on refresh waiting for the invite to come through? By then Id made other plans as I wasnt going to go begging again for an invite. Today they asked why I wasnt there and I said I didnt get it til it was about to start and she (sat next to me) didnt even apologise. I just thought it was so rude! Maybe Im too accommodating for others but if the roles were reversed Id be bending over backwards to make a newbie feel welcome and I certainly wouldnt be excluding them.
Anyway, I just feel mad about trying to fit in with something that is just causing more of a disruption with Brody than it may be worth.
x
P.S. it seems awfully quiet in here these days. I guess with people starting to go back to work.
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Replies
I don't know what there is locally for you but round here theres tumble tots, music stuff, baby massage etc and water babies. They all cost money but at least you would get out and mix and perhaps find more friends for yourself and Brody.
It does seem a strange time to meet when everyone is having lunch, or like your lo having a sleep.
Hope you manage to find something where you fit in better.
Helen.xxx
Ive recently started him in swimming but there is only one other baby - well actually he is a toddler. It's winter here (Im in sydney now) so swimming isnt that busy. I have however enrolled in gymbaroo which starts late July. Thanks for the reminder as there is a music group run free at my local library so Im going to start going back there. He didnt much enjoy it when we first went but I think he might have just been having an off day. So its worth going back.
Youre right, I think I just need to open my eyes a bit more and find something that works for us instead of trying to fit into something that isnt.
x
I hope youve hit the spot this month!
Em x
So i am going to a different swimming class next term - sod em
There will be other groups that are much nicer - my sil has the same problem at the school gates! x x x
I say that cos one of my friends who after 8 years and 4 children has decided she doesn't want to talk babies any more deemed me boring!!
Your group doesn't sound worth the upset to Brody hun - there'll be others, We're waiting for September for sing and sign to start again - the mummies were silent and cliquey but the lady who ran the group was great and Freddie loved it
We're always here hun xx
I sometimes feel like an outsider too you lot are my only mummy friends and as its unlikely im going back to work im a little nervous about being isolated. It does help my none mummy friends work shifts so are free at points during the week so you have my admiration that your doing so well without anyone at the minute.
We do 3 things (well aim it never ever comes off :lol
I like Em's idea of you doing an evening thing just for you to make none mummy and probably some mummy friends. Plus our swimming classes are all at different times maybe time it round Brody's naps? Do you have a facility like net mums in australia? So you can find out whats on in the local area?
Summer your not a moaning minnie
Welsh- wow what a lovely friend! You would have thought with having 4 she would understand that Freddie is your world! Ah well she will miss out talking weddings with you wont she her loss!!!!
Cyber friends are amazing ive said it before couldn't do it without you all your all brill
xxxx
It sounds to me Sim like these other mummies are just not good enough for you hun, you need to find somewhere you dont need to work to fit in and they will appreciate you xxxxx
I think it sounds like more hassle than it's worth, which is a shame as other mummies may help you, but not if they aren't worth it! I agree with the other girlies, it shouldn't be this difficult for you darling, they should realise how hard it is to be a mummy and that babies don't fit schedules and things like that. I really hope you can find a better group hun. x x x
There are a few nice girls in the group I go to, but then there is 2 who make me feel uncomfortable (one of which didnt bother with the invite). But in saying that, the 2 real nice ones (including the one I originally connected to the group through) are now going away for a few months so wont be there again til October now. All in all though, Im just not myself when Im there.
We live on the southern border of our suburb so I was thinking that today I will try and find out what goes on in the next suburb - maybe the times they do things are more suitable.
I think I really would go mad without you lot on here. I even looked up an aussie site here but it's just not the same. Nothing compares to you lot!!
xx