First of all thank you so much ladies for your wonderful support. I know many of you have had it tough too so I know you all completely understand. It's hard for me to admit these things to the people in my every day life as I fear I will be judged. Hubby has been trying to talk to me but I feel like such a failure and cant open up to him. Maybe I do have a touch of PND. Maybe it's just that Im so tired and feel defeated. Maybe it's just my pregnancy hormones. Or a combination of all the above!! It just gets so hard with no support around me on a day-to-day basis.
I dont have a HV here but I do now attend a post-natal group at a doula college nearby and they are fabulous. They offer a drop in / open door policy and this morning after his first nap I ended up down there in tears. So they took me in for a few hours, took Brody away - fed him / played with him - while I poured my heart out with a cuppa and some toast. It felt so good to let it all out. She wants me to go back every day for a few days and we can devise a plan. Tomorrow she has booked me to see a naturopath/homeopath to try some calming oils to burn in his room and throughout our house and maybe some other stuff. She also gave me some Rescue Remedy which Ive found to be a great help this afternoon/evening as I feel a lot calmer. She also said it's fine to give him a drop on his tongue too so Ive done that twice today, the 2nd time just before bed. So Im feeling somewhat better, but still have some way to go. At least Im able to cuddle him and kiss him again this afternoon. I could tell he missed them too And I feel my strength returning to tackle the problem as opposed to just giving up in defeat.
Em - he had been doing this behaviour in his cot but at the same time he gets really upset in the car seat or buggy when it's sleep time too. Besides, if he is in the buggy or car he won't sleep for that long so I try to be fair to him and ensure his day naps are at home in the comfort of his cot as much as I can through the week so I plan my days around his sleeps to have him back home. Especially right now with all his night wakings.
Ellie - he gets worked up pretty quickly, within seconds. And with this escalating the past few days and me being over the edge Ive had to just leave him for fear of what I would do. So no, he isnt calm when Ive let him cry it out. But then that's resulted in him becoming hysterical. So it's been a no win situation really and Ive probably created an abandonment issue. Especially because with no one else around, he only has me and when Ive refused to pick him up he has no one He has been in his own room since we moved into our own place which was nearly 2 months ago. And we have a quiet relaxed wind down time before bed. Ive been going through it all myself. Ive slightly tweaked his routine to extend his activity time in the morning so he isnt so stretched out in the afternoon b/c maybe he was getting overtired and that was making him wake up in the night (he recently dropped the late afternoon nap so it makes sense now that I write this).
I have however made some headway in terms of settling him off to sleep. Ive been on the Baby Whisperer forum and it was suggested I only do the put down (no pick up) as it becomes too much stimulation for them at this age (which could explain all the arching and resistance he started doing). So instead I put him in his growbag, sound show on, give him a quick cuddle, put him straight down and sit next to the cot resting my hand on his chest. It's worked . Several times now. His afternoon nap today he only slept 1hr and I wanted him to sleep more so Im guilty of rocking him back to sleep so he slept for another hour. Im trying to find out how to replace this method as he is wide awake and I dont know how else to get him back off when its daytime. Now to tackle the night wakings. Tonight we are trying with no PUPD - and no rocking, only sitting by the cot with our hand in there on his chest, just like it's now working in the day. He went down at 7pm and it's nearing 10pm and he has just stirred for the first time and hubby did that method and he is off again. It's a long weekend here so we have a few nights to just go for it.
I took him to the docs today, he has no ear infection so his ear pulling must be teething. I wish the bloody top teeth would just cut through!! Im pretty sure this is what the whole problem stems from but who knows! Ive taken a urine sample from him to check that too, just in case Im missing something. His wee does smell off to me (in his nappies) but it could just be my pregnancy oversensitivity. I can smell dog poo from a mile off! Another thing the doulas are giving me tomorrow is an Amber necklace - made specifically for babies. Apparently very commonly used in the Far East and Europe. And apparently VERY good for teething. They are to be worn (not chewed) and they exhibit "pain relieving qualities when worn on the skin". It's worth a try... Shame they cant be worn when they sleep!
Well there is my rather lengthy update. I feel more positive in writing it. I know that I often have to hit rock bottom before I can bounce back up. Thanks for being there to see me through this. Let's hope Brody suddenly changes like Finn did! xx
Ahh im so pleased the hand on chest thing is working, and dont worry too much about the rocking for now. I would rock Finn to get him to sleep longer in the day, and I let him sleep on me too. Since his nights are better now though, naptimes are so much easier and he no longer needs to be rocked, so dont beat yourself up about it. Im so glad you got a bit of a break today and are feeling a little better. Just think how much you've had on recently, a move to another country, a baby to look after and another one on the way! You should be so proud of yourself Sim, you're doing brilliantly. I also dont talk to people in "real" life about how hard I find it sometimes, i've got this irrational fear that people will think im a terrible mother and take my baby from me. Im so glad I found this forum, it really has been a godsend! xx
What an amazing support service you have there, im so glad they are going to help you out and took Brody to give you a break today.
I think all mummys are reluctant to talk to others about how they feel, its this fear of being judged and for others to not see you struggling. We all want people to think were supermum.
Im glad you have found a sleep technique that appears to work, as Ellie says try not to worry about all the apperently wrong things your doing such as rocking. At the end of the day Brody needs sleep and if rocking works then its not a bad thing, its for his benefit so is whats best for him at the minute. Rocking worked really well on Dylan a month ago, now it prompts a response like putting Brody in his cot, he thrashes so they all change so much so quickly they just like to keep us on our toes
Sim I am glad you have been able to get the support you needed- hope things continue to improve.
CC has worked really well for us for the daytime naps. It's day 3 and today I didn't need to go back in at all for the afternoon nap and Lily slept for an hour and 45 minutes which is unheard of. A much happier girl today. Hope it continues to work. The nights not 'sorted' yet, but a lot better. I gave her a bottle at 1am, and she went back in her cot until 5am which is a lot better than we have had lately. Still room for improvement
Well the last 2 nights we've only had 1 wake up each night. So something has happened. Maybe it's the Remedy Rescue. I also got his necklace yesterday - was worried he might look a bit girlie (Im so vain!!) but he actually looks like a cool surfer dude They could be making him calmer and in less pain but I will wait a few days to see for myself. He still had a bout of hysteria yesterday afternoon for a half hour and was pulling hard on his ears. Nothing I did could console him As for me, Im feeling on the up now. Think I just really needed to offload big time as it had all built up to one big bang!
Replies
I dont have a HV here but I do now attend a post-natal group at a doula college nearby and they are fabulous. They offer a drop in / open door policy and this morning after his first nap I ended up down there in tears. So they took me in for a few hours, took Brody away - fed him / played with him - while I poured my heart out with a cuppa and some toast. It felt so good to let it all out. She wants me to go back every day for a few days and we can devise a plan. Tomorrow she has booked me to see a naturopath/homeopath to try some calming oils to burn in his room and throughout our house and maybe some other stuff. She also gave me some Rescue Remedy which Ive found to be a great help this afternoon/evening as I feel a lot calmer. She also said it's fine to give him a drop on his tongue too so Ive done that twice today, the 2nd time just before bed. So Im feeling somewhat better, but still have some way to go. At least Im able to cuddle him and kiss him again this afternoon. I could tell he missed them too
Em - he had been doing this behaviour in his cot but at the same time he gets really upset in the car seat or buggy when it's sleep time too. Besides, if he is in the buggy or car he won't sleep for that long so I try to be fair to him and ensure his day naps are at home in the comfort of his cot as much as I can through the week so I plan my days around his sleeps to have him back home. Especially right now with all his night wakings.
Ellie - he gets worked up pretty quickly, within seconds. And with this escalating the past few days and me being over the edge Ive had to just leave him for fear of what I would do. So no, he isnt calm when Ive let him cry it out. But then that's resulted in him becoming hysterical. So it's been a no win situation really and Ive probably created an abandonment issue. Especially because with no one else around, he only has me and when Ive refused to pick him up he has no one
I have however made some headway in terms of settling him off to sleep. Ive been on the Baby Whisperer forum and it was suggested I only do the put down (no pick up) as it becomes too much stimulation for them at this age (which could explain all the arching and resistance he started doing). So instead I put him in his growbag, sound show on, give him a quick cuddle, put him straight down and sit next to the cot resting my hand on his chest. It's worked
Now to tackle the night wakings. Tonight we are trying with no PUPD - and no rocking, only sitting by the cot with our hand in there on his chest, just like it's now working in the day. He went down at 7pm and it's nearing 10pm and he has just stirred for the first time and hubby did that method and he is off again. It's a long weekend here so we have a few nights to just go for it.
I took him to the docs today, he has no ear infection so his ear pulling must be teething. I wish the bloody top teeth would just cut through!! Im pretty sure this is what the whole problem stems from but who knows! Ive taken a urine sample from him to check that too, just in case Im missing something. His wee does smell off to me (in his nappies) but it could just be my pregnancy oversensitivity. I can smell dog poo from a mile off!
Another thing the doulas are giving me tomorrow is an Amber necklace - made specifically for babies. Apparently very commonly used in the Far East and Europe. And apparently VERY good for teething. They are to be worn (not chewed) and they exhibit "pain relieving qualities when worn on the skin". It's worth a try... Shame they cant be worn when they sleep!
Well there is my rather lengthy update. I feel more positive in writing it. I know that I often have to hit rock bottom before I can bounce back up. Thanks for being there to see me through this. Let's hope Brody suddenly changes like Finn did!
xx
Im so glad you got a bit of a break today and are feeling a little better. Just think how much you've had on recently, a move to another country, a baby to look after and another one on the way! You should be so proud of yourself Sim, you're doing brilliantly.
I also dont talk to people in "real" life about how hard I find it sometimes, i've got this irrational fear that people will think im a terrible mother and take my baby from me. Im so glad I found this forum, it really has been a godsend!
xx
I think all mummys are reluctant to talk to others about how they feel, its this fear of being judged and for others to not see you struggling. We all want people to think were supermum.
Im glad you have found a sleep technique that appears to work, as Ellie says try not to worry about all the apperently wrong things your doing such as rocking. At the end of the day Brody needs sleep and if rocking works then its not a bad thing, its for his benefit so is whats best for him at the minute. Rocking worked really well on Dylan a month ago, now it prompts a response like putting Brody in his cot, he thrashes so they all change so much so quickly they just like to keep us on our toes
Hope today is a better day for you Sim
xxxx
CC has worked really well for us for the daytime naps. It's day 3 and today I didn't need to go back in at all for the afternoon nap and Lily slept for an hour and 45 minutes which is unheard of. A much happier girl today. Hope it continues to work. The nights not 'sorted' yet, but a lot better. I gave her a bottle at 1am, and she went back in her cot until 5am which is a lot better than we have had lately. Still room for improvement
xx
As for me, Im feeling on the up now. Think I just really needed to offload big time as it had all built up to one big bang!