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Always look on the bright side of life :D



  • How are you feeling today Em?
    Any news about the scan yet? If not today, try and relax and enjoy bringing in your new year with your hubby and Dylan.
    By the way, a bit of leaking is perfectly ok!! Better out than in I always say.

  • Bit up and down, I spontaneously leak when I look at Dylan at times and last nights dream feed consisted of me sat in the rocking chair sobbing whilst he slept and ate.

    I worry I was irresponsible having him, knowing it could come back but its been so long and ive never lived on what ifs and always looked to the future. I have achieved so much since my treatment ended and I dont want that taken away. I dont want to leave my little boy without a mummy and I will fight this.

    Then I have moments where it doesnt seem possible, they dont know what it is and its such a weird place for a tumour why not my spine or lungs etc. The scan im having checks blood vessels so for issues with that thats not a cancer diagnostic test why not do a biopsy? My head is full of thoughts that go round and round but there are no answers yet.

    I am ok though I tend to just get on with it, playing with my gorgeous little man helps :\)

    Thank you all for your support x x
  • There is no way you were irresponsible to have him. None of us know what is around the corner. You created a beautiful precious little boy and thats the most important thing.

    I don't know about the medical stuff but if it was me I know my head would be swirling around with all the different possiblities. I really hope you have some answers soon. Take care.
  • I hope you have some answers soon too Em, it must be so awful waiting and not knowing. And I am a great leaker too even though I have nothing at all as big as yours to worry about!!

    But NO way were you irresponsible in having Dylan, you have to keep your positive head on and like the girls said in earlier posts, look forward to things such as Dylan's 1st birthday etc.

    Have a few drinks tonight to see the new year in. I have my fingers crossed for positive news for you xx

    Nici xxx
  • I back the other girls in that there is no way you were irresponsible having Dylan. Not in a million years! No matter what the future holds. He is the greatest gift you could have given.
    There is no need for you to start now living on "what ifs". Why should you? We should all live each day like there is no other, no matter what is going on in our lives.

    Im not sure why they wouldnt do a biopsy but perhaps thats something you can ask when they call you. If you have so many questions swimming around in your head why not put them out there to be answered. In the meantime, just take each moment as it comes honey. Enjoy your new years. It is a super special one as a family of three!

    Big hugs xx
  • Thank you ladies its only in particular dark moments I feel this way, he just deserves the best and id hate him to think id failed him. I adore my little man and I dont regret for a second having him.

    I wont be able to ask my questions when I get called for scan as only a technician will ring but I will when we go to see consultant and hubby is armed and at the ready :lol:

    Enjoy your new year everyone I will have a glass of wine and toast you all

    x x x
  • You're in my thoughts and prayers. I concur with everyone else. x
  • You could never fail him honey. Never.

    So I guess you are now having to wait until Monday at the earliest to hear from the technician? From my experience with having an MRI the technician/radiologist isnt allowed to tell you anything, only the consultant can. Are you seeing your consultant straight after the scan? Id hate for you to have to wait again to see him/her.

    You should be able to listen to some music whilst the MRI is being done so that you can relax more.

    Hoping you are feeling a bit brighter honey. I have been thinking of you today.
  • Bit better today, had lost all my positivity and thats not me at all, today much better nothing is certain yet!

    I have no idea when I will see consultant but I know he was off over xmas so im expecting that ill get a call from his lovely secretary monday. Ive decided to book in with my gp again, there useless and hubby is mad as hell that they have told us so little and then left us over bank holiday for me to build it up in my head and work myself up! But I need answers and it maybe a while before I see a specialist.

    Taking each day at a time and today is focussed on getting rid of my gorgeous little boys cold image

    Thanks ladies again

    x x x
  • Oh Em, I have just seen this!! I am sorry that you are having all this worry on top of you. Just remember to be positive, if it is cancer you have fought it once and you can fight it again, you are a really strong, brave woman. You were not irresponsible having Dylan because he has a fantastic mum. You are right to take each day at a time, stay positive. I know thats what got my mum through and it helps everybody around you to stay strong. I am thinking about you xxxxxxxx
  • Did you get to your gp today honey? And did your consultant's secretary call to make the appt?

    Hope youre feeling ok today. Been thinking of you.
  • appointment with gp 5:50 :\( dont ant to go but do iykwim.

    No call from consultants sec which means my gps panicked and told me asnot had a scan appt either :evil:

    will update when im back

    thanks for thinking of me Sim x x x
  • hope it goes well Em. hugs...
  • How did it go hun. Been thinking of you. Carly and Eadie xxx
  • Its not good ladies......

    I saw MY gp a really really nice man who knows my medical history really well but weve never actually met. As soon as I walked in me and hubby knew it wasnt going to be good the way he greeted us when you have seen as many docs as we have you just know. But the practice manager was cooing all over Dylan (she did ask) and you could tell he was uncomfy!

    Basically there is a tumour pressing on 3 vertabrae on my neck. It is definitely cancer either a recurrence (which would be incurable) and is highly likely or lymphoma which is curable but very unlikely.

    My hubbys in pieces he told his mum I had another tumour and sobbed his heart out and I think if there was a bit of my heart still in one piece it broke then. She cried my mums cried and told me shes going to compose herself and ring me back.

    I have no words life seems very cruel

    x x
  • I really don't know what to say. I just logged on and saw this and just feel terribly sad because as you say life is just so cruel at times. I just don't get it. I know there isn't much I can say, but thinking of you and really wishing you all the best and hoping that there is a positive outcome.
  • Im so sorry. Don't know what to say really. I'll be thinking of you and your family. xxx
  • Em - I really do not know what to say, life is cruel to the nicest people in this world.
    We're here for you anytime.
    If you lived round my way I'd be coming over with alcohol, tissues and a pair of open arms to give you a big hug.
    Stay strong,

    love & hugs
    Laura & Edward
  • Em, I'm just astounded at your news, I'm so so sorry to read the two things it could be. You must never think you were irresponsible to have Dylan, I bet he wouldn't think that. We all love you to pieces, I know it's only a virtual friendship we all have, but it's real and we're here for you.

    Em + Jak x x x
  • Em, I am so sorry hun. As so many of the girls have said life is too cruel especially to the nicest people. Stay strong and positive. Thinking of you and we are all here when you need to vent or anything else xxxxx
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