Should i be "over it"

summer_76 · Jul 13, 2010 1:52PM

Well we are approaching what would have been the twins first birthday and i am feeling a little delicate. I always feel guilty for feeling so emotional about it as if they hadnt gone to play i wouldnt have Toby. Itssuch a mix of things but it still feels so raw

Shouldnt i be over it my now?

XXmummy-of-3XX · Jul 9, 2010 6:17PM

I think you will always feel it. I still think about mine. It is still early days for you really, those first milestones coming around. My first baby would have been 12 in 2 weeks and I still think about it even though I have 3 amazing children. It does get easier, but it is just part of the grieving process I guess. We make such plans in our heads and those babies seem real from the moment we see that line appearing on a test stick. xx

mummabear-72331 · Jul 9, 2010 9:25PM

I think you should feel however you need to feel. Im sure they are planning a wonderful birthday party together. They will always be with you hon. Forever. The only thing that keeps me going is feeling in touch with my little girl and keeping hope that she is on her way back. If I find out Im having another boy at my 20wk scan then Im sure I will need to grieve some more again, just like I did when I found out Brody was coming instead. Grief is just that, something that comes and goes, especially around significant dates or events.
Big hugs sweety xx

Ems101 · Jul 10, 2010 5:39AM

oh my god no! Honey, they were your children, you will never get over it, they will always keep a bit of your heart and mind. Allow yourself those feelings , its ok.

Thinking of you

Em x

sparkleXx · Jul 10, 2010 5:48AM

you take as long as you need the baby we lost would have been 3 this may just gone and i think about it all the time but if that preg had carried on i wouldn have DS3 but it still hurts and i always think about it even on the day that i did the test as was hubbies bday so i always think today was the day we found out we were having baby etcetc i dont think it will ever go away xx

hugs x xx

Rosapenny · Jul 10, 2010 4:40PM

I have never been through this but I imagine that it would be very difficult to get over, you are grieving for your children and they are little angels. I found this poem and thought it was lovely, I know it only refers to one angel but I thought it was such a beautiful poem and your two little angels are looking down on their lovely little brother Toby xxx

My Little Angel

I felt your presence there inside of me,
nestled soft and warm;
Sweet scent of baby's breath,
precious words left unadorned.

I saw your tiny heartbeat,
then I knew that you were fine;
A perfect baby we created,
one that would be mine.

Then that tragic day it came
there was nothing I could do,
Only wait and hope
for the precious life of you.

Yes in the beginning
your daddy was afraid;
Only he would love you unconditional
and never run away.

He loved you more this I do know,
as he cried for you that day,
When the doctor said that you were gone,
daddy wanted you to stay.

He would have held you close to him,
and see your perfect form,
A gift of daddy's love,
would have kept you safe and warm.

Only now you are an angel over me
beautiful and bare,
My heart would hurt if you cried for me
and mommy was not there.

Still we are together in my heart and memories,
You are still a part of my memory.

Rest gentle now 'sweet baby' there is no pain
you are never alone,
I know you are with the guiding angels
in you peaceful home.

I will come with you someday
only now is not my time,
Then we will be together again
again you will be mine.

summer_76 · Jul 10, 2010 6:04PM

thank you so much - rosapenny - that poem is so true - i saw the heartbeats so many times - i think thats why i struggle with then going. And stinton it is the plans and hopes and love you feel the minute you get that line that hurts so much when they are gone.

Thank you ladies - once more you are fantastic shoulders x

BeckyAndEve · Jul 11, 2010 4:22PM

Wow!

That poem just made me cry my eyes out! I'm going to print it out and put it with the rest of Ian's things!

To be honest hun, I don't think you ever get over loosing babies, I know I'll never get over loosing Ian I just have to hope the pain gets easier!

My thoughts are with you, it's not an easy time thinking what if's! Do something special to remember the twins by! We let a baloon off so Ian could play with it in the clouds, I'll do it every year!

Take car hun! Xxx

Baa1234 · Jul 11, 2010 5:10PM

I just wanted to send you all big hugs and lots of love xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rosapenny · Jul 11, 2010 5:14PM

That's a lovely idea with the balloon Becky xxxx

I'm glad you both liked the poem and hope that it didn't upset you xxx

evab1 · Jul 11, 2010 6:40PM

Can't imagine your loss and how you cope with it. You will always miss your twins and there is no need to get over it. Your love and sadness will just change as time goes. Thinking of you x

daves_friend · Jul 13, 2010 1:52PM

I don't think you can get over it if I'm honest hun, sometimes my MMC feels like only yesterday and I just try not to think about the ectopic at all.
There's certainly no time limit to feeling better so don't beat yourself up about it. The balloon is an amazing idea - love it. I got a Pandora bead for my bracelet for each of my lost babies (one called Faith, Hope and Love and the other was Sun, Moon and Stars) and when Freddie's playing with my bracelet we look at the pram on there and the F for Freddie and the 2 beads for the babies we never got to keep

Big hugs xxxx

Should i be "over it"

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