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what would you do...

This might be quite long but here goes....

Most of you probably know, I have no family in England and moved to live with OH once we finished uni. We live around the corner from the in-laws (can see there house from ours and it is a minutes walk away) but things with them aren't great.

# they haven't seen Dylan for 12 days now.
# haven't phoned for almost a week (oh is refusing to ring them as he always rings them and they don't seem interested)
# they don't respect the fact he has a bedtime routine and has a bath at 6pm, a feed and goes to bed (he sleeps badly anyway but I know he would be a hell of a lot worse if he didn't have this routine in place)
# OH had a huge row with them a few weeks ago as they hadn't seen them for a while and they hadn't rang for soooo long, they complained that I was travelling to see my mum and dad so much (WTF!) and they never saw D. OH also had it out with his dad about him smoking, he smokes walking over to our house and STINKS when he comes in, he is then all over Dylan and I don't want him breathing in his smokey breath (he also had a cig whilst carrying our 2 year old niece - I was disgusted) and has asked him very politely not to smoke just before coming over as its not good for D.
# His mother obviously has some sort of problem with me, I don't know what it is but there must be something (think part of it is the breastfeeding and that she can't take D for the day - not that i'd let her anyway)

I just feel at a loss with what to do, its really getting to OH and he feels like he shouldn't have to phone them or invite them around as he has made it clear they are very welcome to visit whenever they like. It's getting me down too, my mum and dad would love to see D more, they are so supportive, help out as much as they can when they do see him and he loves spending time with them. Am I being unreasonable expecting them to come and see their grandson, spend time with him and for FIL not to smoke just before coming round? (there house stinks of smoke so I really hate taking D there).

Advice please ladies...

Jo x

Replies

  • Hi Jo
    Well i've got to say i totally agree with you and think that when you've got your baby's best interests at heart then who can blame you?
    I know i would not let Ava be amongst a smokey environment whatsoever so for you to be expected to see your in laws with smoke everywhere then that's just totally unfair!!

    I honestly think the In Laws are a different kettle of fish to our own parents when it comes to them being grandparents. Mine are lovely but my goodness my MIL drives me potty over how she is with Ava. We ALWAYS go to them which i find annoying, but i just grit my teeth and go over my mantra in my head of "it's for 1/2 an hour once a week" :lol:
    However, they don't smoke so it's not quite the same thing.

    Just tell them how you feel, say that you're more than happy for them to spend time with Dylan but you're being a responsible parent by saying he shouldn't be amongst smoke.
    xx
  • Thanks for the reassurance Kelly, I don't want to be unreasonable as its pretty clear they aren't my number 1 fan but I'm just trying to be the best mummy I possibly can be and bring my little man up the best I can.

    In laws are so difficult, I don't feel as though it is my place to say anything to them and I think OH is getting to the point now that he thinks if they aren't interested f*** them. Its so frustrating as D is such a loving, happy little boy and they really do not seem interested in their grandson. image

    Thanks honey for listening
    x x x
  • Hi Honeyboo,

    I would just let them come to you. In laws can be Sooo over bearing Whats most important is the three of you. If DH feels you need to have a sit down and discuss the problems I would do it and try and clear the air. I know I would be annoyed if my parents lived so far away and struggled to see lo and in laws around the corner couldnt be bothered. Maybe point that out to them.

    As for the smoking thing. Your baby , your rules. If they dont like it tough! Hoe you get it sorted x
  • to put it bluntly honeyboo, i would think yourself lucky that you dont have to deal with them and if they dont want to bother coming to see their grandson then fuck 'em!

    i can see why your pissed off.. dont worry, my outlaws are usually only here for about an hour and then decide they have to get back to let their dog in the garden! *rolls eyes*
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