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How do I deal with this?

I'm getting to the end of my tether with my MIL. I think i've mentioned before that she's very overbearing when it comes to Dexter but with the possibility of living with the IL's i'm starting to panic a bit.



Now they are lovely people and before Dexter was born we just pootled along no problem but since then my MIL has been getting unbearable! She steals him pretty much as soon as she sees him, if I do take him she hovers round him; one time he woke up from a nap literally seconds before they walked in our front door so he was a bit dopey and rubbing his eyes so she spent the next 2 hours insisting he was tired despite me repeatedly saying he had just had a nap and cuddling him like a newborn which he doesn't like unless he actually wants to go to sleep. When he did fall asleep again it was because he was actually due for his next nap!



We went to a restaurant and when the waiter asked if we wanted a high chair she said 'oh no he's too small' ok he was but surely thats my call? She also got the hump because she didn't get first cuddle with him the other day well this was my grandmothers wake and my parents wanted a bit of time with him especially as they both work full time and don't actually see him as often as both me and them would like. Later his gothmother (as opposed to godmother - he's not christened lol) had him on her lap and he was getting hungry so was a bit grumpy and she was telling her what to do with him even though I was sitting right there! Again she was insisting he was tired! Obviously there's more but this post is long enough already lol!



I just feel as though she thinks I'm doing it wrong and she just takes over all the time and i'm getting thoroughly fed up of it. Problem is I haven't spoken to DH about it because he thinks its quite sweet and he's quite close to his mum. I can kind of see where she is coming from, most of her grandkids live abroad and the ones that do live locally are now teenagers so it is exciting for her. I'm just not sure what to do about it i'm starting to dread seeing them, i'm using uni work as an excuse for not going when DH takes Dexter to see them.



Got a horrible feeling the replies are going to be 'talk to DH' but wanted to know if anyone has had similar problems?

Thank you ladies!

Replies

  • Hi hun didnt want to read and run. I have the opposite probs with IL's they visit once every 6 weeks and hardly do anything with lo. But drop hints about certain things i do that makes me feel they dont think i'm doing a good enough job.

    My mum lives miles away so only see her a few times a year but she would be so involved in a good way and always says im doing a great job as lo is so happy etc.



    I have dropped hints to my mil and it does seem to have helped abit. Could you do the same? In a way that isnt rude but also stick up for yourself.



    Sorry couldnt b more help

    xx
  • I'm afraid I won't be much help either image I don't have any problems with my IL luckily.

    I don't really have any answers but didn't want to read and run - although I do suggest talking to DH about it and/or dropping gentle hints to MIL. I don't know how you react when MIL doe these things but maybe like care bear said just stick up for yourself a bit and don't let her takeover. Easier said than done though I am sure image



    I hope you get it sorted and that ssomeone else can give you some good advice lol. Keep us updated.



  • Hi honey, sadly for me it's my mother who tries to take over all the time telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing. At the end of the day I have had to gently remind her that Samantha is my daughter who lives with me and whilst I don't mind her offering advice she must accept it is only advice and upto my husband and I whether we choose to follow it or try our own methods. There is no right or wrong way to raise your children and you will know what works best for you. Talk to your MIL about your feelings, with your OH present may help, she may back off a bit if you explain your routines and disciplines. Best wishes and

    good luck
  • Hun, didn't want to R&R either but cuz my IL's are pretty much MIA most of the time, i can't advise. All i could suggest (cuz this is what i'd do), is if she takes him off you next time, give her 5-10 mins with him then say 'right, i want to keep him awake so i'm going to put him on his mat to play' (or wherever he plays)...or if she tries to tell you what to do, just nod and say 'yea, i might try that if my way doesn't work'. Gentle reinforcement that he is YOUR baby (without telling her to back the hell off) may eventually sink in.



    Good luck xxx
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