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paternity pay

Chatting to hubby tonight to learn that he only gets 2 days full paid paternity! He could have 2 weeks statutory but we really can't afford for him to do that. He has booked 3 days holiday to make it up to 1 week, but it doesn't seem very long! I felt like a bus had hit me aft birth of Ds2 and didn't leave the house for a week! Plus what if i need a c section? I Will have Ds1 to get to and from school, as well as trying to keep Ds2 to a routine. Omg i am in tears now. He has always had 2 weeks before 1week full pay and 1week holiday. He has 4days holiday left but wants to keep them for emergencies. No answers needed really, just a bit upset and scared esp about not coping and my pnd returning. I was a bitch aft Ds2 was born. Just wondered what your oh had available. Xxx


  • hi nimmy

    didnt want to read and run but not much advice to give, i can understand why you're upset - its a tall order even with a normal birth. My OH got 2 weeks paid and it was lovely, he didnt take it till we came home as there seemed little point till then. Have to say by the time he went back i was ready (lol) but then i only have the one baby. I too felt like a bus had hit me though so i couldnt imagine what you're facing.

    It might sound obvious but have you got parents/family nearby who can muck in or even come and stay for a week or so after he goes back? if you do have the section you wont be able to drive your ds 1 to school so it might be a case of asking one of his friend's mums to help out? no one would mind in the slightest if its because you've had surgery. Is your ds 2 going to be going to nursery as he'll be 3? maybe it would be time to take advantage of the free hours he gets to have a bit of time alone with the baby for the two of you to rest.xx

  • Hi! Thanks for replying. I am lucky as i have in laws 2mins up the road. My Fil is my main source of childcare. I have a feeling he Will be doing a lot of the morning school runs! Ds2 doesn't get free funding at nursery until aft Xmas so i Will have him at home. Again Fil would happily take him if needed. My parents are 20mins away and my mum has the boys one day a week while i work. So days she isnt working she Will be on hand too. Just worried as planning on Bf and my milk comes in on day 7. Later than average. Not an ideal time for hubby to be back at work! I guess i am worried it Will contribute to me getting pnd again. I guess i Will muddle through one way or another. Thanks again for replying Xxx
  • hi nimmy, i hand expressed every night from 37 weeks, just a few drops of colostrum that really built up over the 3 weeks till i went into labour. I know it sounds a bit wierd but i really think it contributed to my good milk supply - it was in by 48 hours and despite using a nipple shield from then until now (LO 10 months old) he has never needed formula and didnt even loose weight in the first week. Not trying to brag but really credit a lot of it to getting my milk supply going early. It makes a big difference as my little one slept and ate for the first 8 weeks coz he was getting so stuffed - this would really help you get over things lol!! I too had an awful birth and felt shocking. I went to a midwife led centre after the birth and stayed for 5 days for support. I know this would be hard with 2 existing children but might be worth looking at a night or two, for help with the first few feeds, getting baby attached well etc might just help with the milk coming in a bit earlier, and with getting you rested up?

    I can't even imagine having two children, let alone 3 so im sure there are plenty of other mums with better advice than i could give about how to cope with your two boys. The other thing to say is could you cut back in some areas and really make the effort to look at your finances in order for your oh to have unpaid paternity. some things are just worth it, if it will mean the world to you and give you all an easier start x

  • My hubby is taking the the 2 weeks statutory as this is all he's entitled to. When DS was born he'd not been in the company long enough so all be got was a week holiday which he started the day he was born. Little did we know we'd be in hospital for a week! We came home on a Monday afternoon & hubs was back at work the following day, it was horrible image I felt SO alone. We're not bothered about the money this time as much as its going to hurt us financially I'm going to need him at home! X
  • My oh gets two weeks full pay but I know we are v lucky. And he gets 5 paid carer days.
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