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scared all of a sudden =/

Hey girls, can't believe were all nearly at the end now. Can you remember when we all arrived here!! This is going to be a long post



I have 4 weeks 5 days until induction and have become terrified of giving birth image I have been so confident up until I spoke to my midwife last week. I thought I knew what I wanted and how it was all going to go and I had planned for every eventuality and I kind of feel like I got shot down in the dark.



1. We spoke about what would happen if baby was still breech and I had looked into having a natural breech vaginal delivery but according to my midwife there are only 2 consultants at the hospital that are old enough to have ever delivered a baby in this way and what are the chances of them being on call when I go in image



2. I have made it very clear that I DO NOT under any circumstances want pethidine. My reason- I had it on Megan and it made me feel so out of control, I couldn't bond with her after and I partly blame it for PND. My midwife's response- 'you could have a smaller dose' ummmm NO. I said under no circumstances.



3. I told her that I wanted as much skin to skin contact as possible, that baby would be handed to me and that when I was ready to go get myself sorted OH would take over on the skin to skin. Midwife said that I needed to get her into a routine :evil: well yea, I know this but I have my reasons for skin to skin being so important to me



4. I told her that I didn't want to force the baby to feed, I wanted her to find her way to the breast and feed when she was ready to do so, how it would be done 'naturally'. Midwife said that if her sugars were low I would need to feed her, well, I'm not stupid girls, I know this but kind of felt that me wanting her to feed on her own, when she was ready was wrong and that I was being told off :evil:



5. She asked me about pain relief and I told her I would be hypnobirthing, my plan from the start, if it doesn't work then so be it but she basically told me that there was no need for me to suffer and I could have an epidural BUT this was after telling me I wasn't a 'great' candidate for a c-section due to the epidural. I had never considered having one before, I don't want to be tied down to a bed for 24 hours, I need to get up and bring my baby home!!



6. I told her that Megan would be visiting as soon as was possible after the birth, 'you will need your rest'.....no, what I need is my 2 girls to meet each other, Megan to know that this time we will be bringing our baby home and all will be ok image they just don't seem to get it! It's not like she will be there while I'm still looking a mess, at our hospital OH's can visit any time but there are certain times for visitors, well I want Megan to come as soon as possible, its not like she is a naughty child, she would sit quietly. All she wants to do is tell her little sister all about their brother :cry:



7. I asked if I would need to wait to be discharged until baby had been bathed (this is normal practice for first time parents) and she said 'well, it has been a while since Megan was a baby' I soon shut her up, I reminded her that we had had custody of my baby nephew and I wasn't exactly out of practice when it comes to babies, its not something you just forget!!



grrrr.....I just feel so frustrated and scared now, I have been so calm about the birth. I think its worse as we know exactly when we will be going in, its not going to be a surprise. I feel like I'm 16 again, that no one is listening to me, just like on Megs image because of that I swore I would never have more children, because I was made to feel so small image I made a promise to myself when OH and I decided to have more that things would be done my way.......but I'm too soft to stand up for myself. I'm 23 years old, married and on my 3rd baby, I should be able to speak my mind, I just don't want people hating me for it.



To be fair my midwife has been great up until this point, I have always been able just to call her when I need to, especially in the run up to my 20 week scan where I needed her more than ever, she was always there as she is now and I don't think she realised just how scared about the birth she has made me.



Sorry to all you first timers, this isn't the best post for you to be reading. I wont lie, labour hurts, it hurts like hell but what you get at the end is so worth it, so maybe I should shut up moaning and just think that at the end I will have my baby!!

Replies

  • Torch, i know i am a first timer so haven't had the experience of child birth etc. but just wanted to say that don't rule out anything at this stage and try to make sure that hubbie knows your wishes and that he can speak up for you when you are in labour.



    SB x
  • I agree with SB. YOu sound like you know what you want and the midwives can't force you into anything you don't want. It's not too late for baby to turn ceph either but good on you for considering a breech natural delivery. THink if this bubs was breech, I'd want to try for natural too.



    Not long to go now. Oh and I agree, nothing against first timers (I was last time too!) but I'm finding it scarier this time as I know what's to come... so hoping I cope better with it this time than last! x
  • Hay torch i think what you have put is all right.You the baby's mother and do have a choice what you do.

    Strange about the bath one though as we don't have a policy on it,infact when i had my ds he went to special care and i was told not to bath for a week and just to top and tail everyday till then as it benefits the skin,which i did being a first time mum and i did again with dd and there skin is so soft and i always get asked how i get it like that and they have never had a skin condition.

    Anyway back to you,i can understand how you feel,you just want it perfect and it will help you with phd.Which is how i want it to happen as i had it both of mine.

    I would try for a natural if mine was breech also.

    I am am scared this time as with both of my labours and birth somethnig had always gone wrong, so keep thinking it will this time but i should think positive.

    Whatever happens i hope all goes well.x
  • it's totally understandable how you feel. i wish i knew what to say but i think getting your OH to stand up for you during that birth would be a good idea.

    i didn't have a good birth last time - i was begging for pain relief and got some bloody paracetomol at 8cms! DH knows exacetly what i want this time and he knows to stand up for me! Last time i got to 9/9.5cms when the epidural guys bothered coming - I had hold of a certain part of the guy's anatomy and DH was blocking the door! image
  • It's sounding like you have your birth plan torch, don't be afraid to have you and your OH fight to get it. MW can advise but it's not your first time and when you have said what you want they should be a bit more accepting (we're not clueless and know that there maybe certain spanners thrown into the works but if we can get our wishes as far as possible then we're generally happier patients to deal with). At the moment I'm still feeling surprisingly calm about an ever nearing due date and the thought of giving birth again. Will wait and see what happens in the coming few days. image
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